Obey Me Shitpost - Tumblr Posts

I will not lie:

Lucifer scares the absolute shit outta me-

I have no idea, I like him the least outta the brothers.

Lucifer has that face I can easily smack if he teases me, no hesitation for me

I'm sorry Luci lovers but he's NOT FOR ME

(Satan's rubbing off on me)

Okay hear me out, but what about An obey me x destiny crossover? I just imagine the guardian in full fledged armor taking notes on potions for their next class-

Mammon: *Running around the house like a madman*

Lucifer: *Catches Mammon* What did you do this time?

Mammon: MC is sick!!

Lucifer: They wh-

Levi: I GOT THE MEDICINE!

Beel: I have the soup!!

Mammon: TAKE IT ALL TO MC, NOOOOWW!!

*In the library, with the Anti-Lucifer League..*

Satan: Alright time to make plans to absolutely ruin, and destroy Lucifer. Got any plans?

Belphie: We could put a curse on his pillow so he'll end up having nightmares every time he sleeps.

Satan: Ok, not bad, not bad. Mc? How about you?

Mc: Glitter.

Satan: Wha? Glitter? How is glitter supposed to ruin Lucifer?

Mc: We explode him with glitter in his room. Not only will it be a big hassle to clean off, BUT he will find glitter everywhere, everytime. Because once glitter gets on something, it never leaves. It will also keep finding random places to appear, he'll see glitter for centuries, hehehehe.

Belphie: ..You devilishly little sheep~

Satan: Alright lets do it!

So I can do this thing where I can high pitch my voice, and make it sound like a little ghost girl from horror movies. It's not something that special, but I do like to use it once in a while to scare my sister. But then I thought "What if MC also did it randomly to scare the demon brothers, especially Mammon since he scares easily?".

.

.

.

Mammon: *Casually strolling through the hallways of the house of lamentation whistling.*

MC: *Hiding around the corner and uses the little ghost girl voice* Hello, Mammon.. wanna pla-

Mammon: AAHHHH

Is it just me? Or does anyone else see Lucifer as a "wine mom"? When I first found out that Lucifer enjoys drinking demonus, it instantly reminded me of those moms that drink wine when their children become too much to handle lol.

.

.

.

Lucifer: This is my collection of demonus. It's precious to me, so you better not touch anything.

MC: ...I know a new nickname for you other than Luci.

Lucifer: What's that?

MC: *Whispers* Wine mom.

Lucifer: What?

MC: WINE MOM!

I can only imaging God finally snapping at Mc..

.

.

.

God: *Summoning Mc to his throne*

Mc: ...What the fu-

God: Stop it.

Mc: ..Stop what?

God: EVERYTHING!!! STOP EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE DOING!!

So there has been posts about how the demon brothers would think that humans are extremely sensitive. But what about sickness?

.

.

.

Mc: *Cough cough*

Mammon: Mc is sick!!! I repeat they are sick!

Leviathan: What do we do!? An Otaku is NOT meant for this!!

Lucifer: It was just a cough..

Satan: I have read that humans have made a candy for coughs.

So, lucifer hangs his brothers as punishment? I don't know if it's cannon, but he hangs them upside down.. If humans were put upside down all their blood would go up to their brain, cause ✨gravity✨. So I can only imagine lucifer hanging MC for the first time, and have them pass out like-

.

.

.

Solomon: *Picks up a phone call from Lucifer* Hello?

Lucifer: Hello, Solomon. Mind telling me what it means if a human passes out?

Solomon: What? Why? What happened?

Lucifer: I hung them from the ceiling, then when I came back they were unresponsive..

Solomon: Did you hang them upside down..?

Lucifer: ..Is that a bad thing?

Solomon: ..I think you should start doing research before doing your punishments..

Mammon: *Finds Barbatos laying down on the sofa, with a blanket on* What the fu-

MC: He found a rat in the kitchen, and came here to crash for the night without even asking..

Mammon: And you're just gonna let him!?

MC: Yes.

Ok, so this has been going around my mind lately.. Did Belphie kill Mc twice? Or just once? Cause, Belphie choked Mc to death over at the attic. But then, there is the other MC that Mammon held in his arms, did Mc in Mammon's arms die too.. or did they just poof before anything happened else happened..? Like what do y'all think?

Repost! Mammon has gotten caught red handed again, doing what?

Mammon: I will forever protect you, just call me and I'll save you. *proud*

*A couple hours later*

Mc: Mammon help!!

Mammon: The great Mammo- *Sees a spider* AAHHHHHH KILL IT KILL IIIIIITT!!!

Mc: I called you to kill it!

Mammon: *Already disappeared*

Lilith: *Revives Mc*

Me irl: ..Wait.. isn't it against the rules to interfere with a human life? Isn't that what caused the war in the first place???

Levi: Oh yeah, then you should totally come by my room!

Mammon: Hey, I wanna be included!

Levi: Oh, well we are going to watch a horror movie..

Mammon: Actually I forgot I got this thing going..

Levi: Lmao byeee.

Me: *Is sad, so goes to read/watch obey me on crack. Hours later I be chuckling, and simping like never before.*

Mc: Hey, Solomon?

Solomon: Yes?

Mc: So.. you're an immortal, right?

Solomon: That's right.

Mc: So you lived many years?

Solomon: Many centuries, yes.

Mc: Is that why your hair is all white?

Solomon: ....Changing the topic-

I have been inspired

It's the little things

Obey me, fluff, anxiety, comfort, self harm maybe?

When you first came to the Devildom, you might have adjusted quick, but it sure had a few changes in yourself, or maybe even entirely. But not to worry, cause the obey me boys are there for you!

.

.

.

Diavolo obviously researched a lot, with both Barbatos, and Lucifer. He made sure, that an ordinary human will be able to live there. Whether it is hydration, nutrition, foodration, proteinration. Everything, for the human that will have the most impact on the mission of one day having the three realms together.

Once you actually got there, boy was it was something for you. You didn't know what to do, with school, everyone else, the brothers, or even yourself. You were lost. But, even when Mammon didn't want to, he gave you tours, told you about everyone, and the bros, he was there most of the time. Having quality time together, and getting to know each other more. A distraction that loneliness wouldn't have ever given. He was practically the only one who let you process things slowly, since his brain works the same, and so he gets it all too well.

Still.. even with Mammon's silly shenanigans, they couldn't keep the thoughts, and anxiety from creeping in. Asmodeus having to catch you multiple times, picking at your lips, and skin of your fingers was just torture for him! Realizing that it's just anxiety, and that you don't even mean to do it, he still couldn't rest well knowing you're doing this to yourself! He would then take you to his room, or go over to yours himself with bags and boxes, full of all types of things, nail polish, skin care, makeup, etc. Doing skin care, and pedicures, teaching you all you need to know, for that cute dollface of yours.

Realizing how fragile humans can be, Lucifer had so much to learn. How much water a human needs, he is surprised, so much. How much humans eat, how many times, he is surprised, so little. How much humans sleep, once again, surprised. The average human sleeps more hours a night than he ever could, with responsibility, and his brothers. Nonetheless, he always makes sure you don't pass anything, drink your water, eat your portion of food, and go to sleep!

Beel being the expert in food, he takes you out to eat once in a while, so you can explore the wonders of food in the Devildom. Of course, with you guys getting kicked out once in a while by Beel's endless stomach, you still have fun with him. And he is right, the food in the Devildom proves to be good, with some food being almost identical to human world food, which you especially loved.

Satan knows that the boredom can kill sometimes, so once in a while he sends pile of books to your door.. which take almost an hour to clear out.. Still, it keeps the time flying by when you're alone, and need something to pull you out of the reality, that somehow you ended up in hell.

Luke, Simeon, and Solomon also want in on exploring the Devildom with you. Luke being the aware, untrusting one, Simeon being chill, and laid-back one, and Solomon is of course leading the group. Most of the times in havoc, but you all had a great time together. The perfect Angel-Human quadruplet team.

You see Barbatos often. Following the Demon Lord Prince. Tho, he is invisible most of the time. Even so, he gives advice to you whenever you need it, always responding with a soft warm welcoming smile that puts you at ease. His baking, and tea do the rest of the job for you to enjoy the time there too.

lmao, don't ask how the hol got flooded

Levi, pointing at a bird excitedly: A seagull!!!

Satan: You need to go out more.

Mammon: That's a crow?!