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How having a "favorite person" if you have ASPD/NPD can look like.
What I read in cluster B spaces is that many people seem to have the opinion that a "favorite person" is just a BPD thing.
To understand why it's not just something for BPD, someone has to think about what an FP even is. To simplify it, just so everyone knows where I'm coming from - "favorite person" is basically just someone you have a VERY unhealthy attachment towards, and everyone with a cluster B disorder is capable of having that.
Fuck, most mentally ill people who have childhood trauma are capable of having that. It is just very common for BPD, so common that it's in the diagnosis criteria. It tends to also be more intense for people with BPD, but the concept on its own is not that rare.
I will explain it a bit how it looks like for me. I am diagnosed with ASPD and NPD, and I got forensically assessed as a psychopath when I went to prison.
I will talk about the second one first, as this is the most similar to the typical "FP" someone associates with BPD.
An unhealthy attachment can show for me in two ways. One is very subtle, the other one is full force and hits me straight into the face.
A few months ago, I met a man who is around 15 years older than me. He is wonderful, but I won't go into details here about that. Regardless, as the friendship developed, I noticed that I got very attached to him. It started slow for me, but it ended with me being upset and angry because he did not give me as much attention as I wanted to. He did not listen to me enough, he did not include me enough, he did not spend enough time with me, he did not do this or that enough. He was not enough.
I would get unreasonably pissed off if I saw him spending time with someone else. I would feel abandoned if I would see him online and he did not text me immediately. Or, even worse, he would text in a discord server we share but not respond to my DMs. That felt like straight up betrayal, and I was so unbelievably angry. I developed a black and white thinking, I thought he hates me - until he texted me, and everything was fine again. I was so incredibly possessive about him. He was mine. Don't even think about befriending him, because he belongs to me.
At the same time, all I wanted was his approval. If he even hinted on not approving of something I do, I would ping pong between a fight and a fawn response. I want to submit, he has to like me, but also how dare he not approve, but I have to make him like me no matter what it takes, but also fuck him for that and I'm too good for him anyways.
The second one was way more subtle. I noticed that this happens most of the time when someone with BPD has me as their FP, or if someone is attached to me in the way I mentioned before and I give a shit about them. At the moment, I have that sort of attachment to my boyfriend, but also to a very good friend of mine, whose FP I am.
It was a constant inner battle. I never showed him a lot of that, or at least I tried to. I talked about it with him at some point, and the thing he was the most worried about is that he may not notice when I need his approval (bless him). Over all that time, I snapped at him once because I felt like he did not approve of something I do. I had to forcefully remove myself from the situation to calm down and get my fight/fawn response under control.
I did not even notice that the second one is an unhealthy attachment until my therapist pointed it out, and explained what's happening here.
In those scenarios, I start to feel responsible for the wellbeing of the other person. I want them to be well, and I would do what I can so they feel good and are happy. It goes to the point of me completely neglecting my own wellbeing for them, but it's so subconscious that I usually don't even notice it until it's too late.
I try to explain it a little. For me, it's all about starting to subconsciously see my friends as my parent (friend A), or to see myself as the parent to them (friend B). Medical grade daddy issues.
The first one always seemed very logical to me, and my therapist (and my boyfriend who provided me with many resources, mwah) guided me through the entire process. I started to subconsciously push my friend into the role of a father, which I thankfully notice very fast.
A parent is supposed to care for their child 24/7. They provide guidance, approval, leading the kid into the right direction, are always there for the child, comfort the child when they cry, provide food, water and love. And that's something I wanted my friend to fulfill, as both my parents could not fulfill that (no shame to my father, he's a good man but his best was just not enough, and that is okay). But my friend is not my father, and that's where the problems start.
But the second one was, and still is, very difficult for me to handle. Instead of pushing my friend into the role of my father, I push myself into that role. Subconsciously, I try to be the father I never had.
The second scenario might end well with someone who does not have an unhealthy attachment towards me. My boyfriend is a great example - while I am his FP, he was in therapy for years and can handle this very well. He does not let me have that responsibility. But it will never end well if that unhealthy attachment is unmanaged. If friend A would have "given in" to my attachment, or if I would have let him, then this would spiral until the friendship breaks apart.
Friend B is incredibly well attuned with others, he is very sensible and has a good feeling for what his symptoms are, even though he was never really in therapy. But due to that, he obviously shows way more symptoms than my boyfriend does, which makes it very easy for me to fall into that "I'm responsible for his feelings" mindset.
This sort of attachment issue I have does also synergize with my ASPD. My therapist explained it to me very well.
People usually have empathy. They feel someone else's pain, and they know that this is enough to show support. That pain they feel makes it easier to attune to the situation and know what is needed to help that person in that moment. For me, this process is cognitive, while the process for people with empathy is emotional. I see they are in pain. I don't feel that pain, but I know they must be distressed. I see that they are distressed. So I try to find ways to help them, so they are not in pain anymore. I don't feel that natural stop people with empathy do. I don't know what is enough. I know people talk about that just listening is good - but it does not feel like that for me. It's not enough, they are still hurt. I must do more. What I do is not enough. I am not enough.
I have the same standards on myself as I have on the people I put into a parental role. And I know that it would happen so easily for the other person to fuel that, if they put me into the parental role.
And then, the downward spiral starts.
I will most likely make a post on how I deal with both of those attachments so the relationship between me and my friends is as healthy as it can be. But I'm 10h into a 12h nightshift at the moment and I can't be arsed to parrot what my therapist told me, so this needs to happen whenever I feel bored enough for it.
My last account got terminated 🤦😭 please share so I can find my moots 💕
Idea I may or may not expand upon:
Gideon hates cigarettes, Kremy hates cigars. They just always stay far away from smoking the others choice of smoke. If you even tried to ask one of them to smoke say a cigar in Kremys case he would get a disgusted look and tell you to go get Gideon. (And the other way around)
One of them dies and suddenly, you see Gideon smoking a cigarette, or Kremy a cigar. It’s just because it smells like the other, not because they enjoy it, but only because they want to still smell their dead lover.
I apologize. It’s been in my head for days. (Pls lmk if you use this in a fanfic cause I wanna see others ideas on this :,)
Sleep, sugar, let your dreams flood in.
I've been suffering from the worst bout of insomnia so I'm projecting HEAVILY on Agent Stone.
I'm really enjoying drawing these boys (I love Stone's smile and Robotnik's eyes) but THEIR HAIR GIVES ME ANXIETY. All those crosshatches...
“hello everybody my name is markiplier”
if you think that saying "trans girls are girls" is creepy because of the word girl I'd better not catch you calling your significant other your girlfriend/boyfriend. (and don't listen to country music... that shit will give you a heart attack lmao)
I made a post saying "trans girls are girls" and radfems came on the post and started calling me creepy because I put the word "girl" in it. They said that girls means someone is a minor...I then got bashed for it by a bunch of radfems and terfs for defending myself. Am I in the wrong for this??
I'm scared of being a creep to be honest. The post was just a positivity post about trans people, idk why I got bashed for it...
It's an age-old argument, unfortunately. I've made a few posts about it, because it's just something people spout. Nevermind the fact that cis women call themselves girls, call each other girls, because it's normal. There isn't anything creepy about it, if an adult says, "alright, girls!" to their friend or says, "I'm a girl".
The only reason it's deemed "creepy" is because it's about trans women and trans girls (girls in this case being trans women who aren't yet an adult). Basically, it's grasping at any straw to say trans women are predatory for the language they use. It's about being maximally hurtful as possible, and not about having a healthy dialogue. Hell, you could have made that post with actual girls in mind and not women, but it wouldn't have made a difference. Even trans girls aren't immune to being labeled "creeps". It's non-logic.
So you aren't wrong. Trans girls are girls.
this isn't even the first time a dumbass terf has hurt a cis person by trying to hurt trans people. I will always scream this from the goddamn rooftops...
TRANSPHOBIA HURTS CIS PEOPLE TOO!!!!!
Just got harassed for using the women's bathroom because I, a cis woman, got clocked as trans. I hate TERFs so much.
Terfs can't define women.
I just realized there's no real way for terfs to define "woman" without excluding other women or including some men.
"Woman is someone with breasts." Almost everyone has breast tissue, including men.
"Woman is someone with more breast tissue than men." Some women have less breast tissue than some men, and some people (women included) are actually born without breast tissue.
"Women are people with uteruses." There are rare cases where a cis man is born with a uterus and often doesn't realize it.
"Women are people with vaginas" includes trans women who've had bottom surgery, intersex people who identify as male, and trans men who haven't had bottom surgery.
"Women are people who can internally carry eggs in the pelvic region" excludes barren women and includes some intersex men.
"Women are people who were made to give birth" includes some intersex men and excludes some intersex women.
"Women are people with cervical ribs" includes some men with down syndrome and excludes most women. Cervical ribs are actually rare, with a 1 in 200 ratio.
"Women are people who have been assigned female at birth" includes intersex women, which in turn means some women have penises.
"Women are people who can't grow facial hair" excludes women with a higher testosterone count than the average female.
"A woman is someone without a prostate" includes men who don't have prostates, either from a birth abnormality or surgery.
"A woman is someone who doesn't need estrogen to be more feminine" excludes women with a higher testosterone count than the average female.
"A woman is someone with a natural vagina" includes intersex men and excludes intersex women.
"A woman is someone with a naturally high voice" includes some males and excludes some females.
"A woman is someone without the urge to commit sexual crimes" excludes some women. Women are as capable of such a crime as men.
"A woman cannot orgasm" excludes almost all women and includes some men.
"Women are assigned female at birth and designed to carry eggs internally in the pelvic region" includes trans men and intersex women with both sets of genitalia, meaning women can have penises.
"Women are assigned female at birth, designed to carry eggs internally in the pelvic region, and don't have a penis" excludes intersex women and includes trans men who haven't had bottom surgery.
this is really based. and its kinda funny that some of the sites that do this bullshit will then be like
"omg guys I'm such an ally, looky here I changed my logo to a rainbow!!! I love fags 🤪"
I don't dislike self-censorship terms like "unalive" because they're cringy, I dislike them because I don't think advertisers should be able to shape how we talk about certain subjects. Survivors of abuse or other traumatic experiences should not have to make up new words because platforms are scared of chasing away advertisers. Minorities should able able to discuss their experiences with stuff like discrimination without censoring themselves. Queer people should be able to use their preferred terms without a website blocking their posts because a trans person used the word "transgender". we should be able to discuss real world events either ongoing or historical without having to water things down for advertisers. These new words have left the internet and become things people use in real life, and I din't think advertising companies should have the power to dictate our language to us.
IMO the fanon interpretation of the Dark Sides’ dynamic ignores the fascinating canon implications that they’re more like forced family than anything resembling found family. These are three characters who genuinely do not seem to get along— at the very least, Virgil has made it clear that his function as a Side does not mesh well with either Janus or Remus’s functions, and the moment he saw an opportunity to be accepted by the others he ditched them with absolutely no remorse or lingering attachment. Meanwhile the dubiously canon interactions Janus has with Remus come off as him putting up with Remus’s antics simply because what else is he going to do? The most friendly the two of them ever get is when they’re collaborating to screw with c!Thomas— it’s like they’re coworkers who have nothing else in common besides their overlapping goals. The three currently introduced ‘Dark Side’ characters are united only in the fact that they were all outcasts. ‘The Dark Sides’ isn’t even a meaningful phrase, it’s something Roman came up with on the spot to lump together all the Sides that were too complicated and ambiguous to be part of the OG triad. Virgil doesn’t even use the phrase ‘Dark Sides’, he specifically made the point to call Remus and Janus ‘the others’ instead. He knows he used to be part of That group but it wasn’t because he actually identified with them, it’s because everyone else grouped him with them and until AA—maybe even until Fitting In— he thought his only option was to double down on being an antagonist and collaborate with the other ‘antagonist’ Sides no matter how uneasy they made him.
The Dark Sides are those roommates with no prior history who weren’t able to change their contract in time. They’re the students who got put in a group project together and have wildly different ideas on how to approach the material. They’re the only remaining members of a dying club trying desperately to find some reason to keep hanging out together so the club doesn’t die. They’re the kids who all got detention on the same day and figured talking to each other was better than complete solitude. They’re the inhabitants of that one abandoned lunch table in the back of the cafeteria because no other table will take them.
But- What are your rules?? I went to your profile to check, but it says that there are no posts at all?? Your tags are x readers, but what are you comfortable with writing??
I wanna help you to write, but I can’t if I don’t know your boundaries?
Supernatural asks please I wanna write fanfic 💔💔💔
2012 Raph doing anything
he's just standing there
MENACINGLY!!!!
Raph's fucking shit eating grin as Leo and Donnie yell at each other, istg-
i’m sorry are you telling me that after everything he said about his family supposedly being close— doting on his little sister and having a warm older brother whom yue qingyuan reminds him of— shen yuan was never once properly hugged before he died???
like i know he immediately tries to cover it with an uncomfy aside about how it wasn’t a pretty young woman hugging him or w/e, but he clearly isn’t talking about a first romantic hug specifically, because the context is being tackled by a crying 15-year-old whom he calls a huge baby for it.
so this is literally his first real, tight hug in his 20ish years of life and it happens in a ‘fictional’ world with a child he thinks might grow up to brutally-yet-justifiably (to his mind) torture him after he died alone and had his soul transplanted into someone else’s body.
babe??? i really don’t think your life was nearly as idyllic as you implied and i would love to know what the fuck is up with that
✨🎉WINCEST ROADHEAD🎉✨
Found in the pinned of someone who followed me unprompted 💀
Thoughts on Dean fucking Sammy so hard with really anything they can find, nothing to hurt him but to make him feel good — hand clamped around Sammy’s mouth, drool bubbling over deans hand as John hunts; John’s close and they have to stay quiet but dean needs his Sammy it’s unnatural.
Dean telling him to quiet down, shushing him through all the pleasures and possible pain he’s feeling from the unrecognizable feeling.
i love, love this community oh my God. yes!!
Dean is absolutely hungry for it; he wants Sammy writhing beneath him and struggling to break free. He drags a knife across Sam's belly, applying enough pressure for a thin slice of his skin opening, and pouring blood out for Dean to dip his fingers in. Sammy whimpers in pain, yet his cock strains in his pants because it's big brother who is ruining him and that turns Sam on beyond anything else.
In the woods, not far from where their father is holding a rifle, Dean tugs down Sam's pants with one hand while the other hand is slick with baby brother's blood. Dean's teeth aches to taste, but he wants to focus on Sammy - his sweet little brother that feels empathy even for monsters. Dean has to teach him that it's dangerous in this line of work; Sammy bats those puppy eyes, and Dean feels feral because he knows, he knows that monsters and humans alike would take advantage of that kindness.
"De," Sammy pants against the tree that he's pinned against, safely hidden by big brother, and he feels so much smaller like this, "please."
"What, baby?" Dean asks, playing the act of clueless, "what do you want?" He shoves Sammy's hips up against the tree when little brother tries to grind up against Dean's tented erection.
"Inside," Sammy gasps, urging on a plea, "please, I wanna - I wanna be full inside, De." Tears are building up in the corner of his eyes, and Dean curses under his breath, always weak for little brother cries.
Dean slides his bloody fingers down, and he brushes his middle finger up inside Sam's ass, pushing it in. He watches as his bloody middle finger slides inside of baby brother, and he licks his lips as his own cock rubs against his constricting boxers.
Sam cries out, a little lamb, and Dean's using his other hand to cover his mouth, "hush, sweetheart, I'm takin' care of ya, little brother."
Dean presses a second finger inside of the ring muscle, groaning at how tight Sam was around his fingers. "Tight like a little virgin, Sammy," Dean growls in his boy's ear, "gotta play with you more, baby, get you sloppy and gaping for my cock..."
anyways. um, there would be a gun involved. knife. and blood. and... yeah.
If I see ANYONE complain about their fav shows next season being delayed due to WGA and SAG strikes it's kill ON SIGHT. Is this show really good enough it's worth letting writers starve and lose their homes for the next season to come out? Being upset over this is valid. That's the point, to make us upset. But don't take the anger out on the people striking, take it out on the studios leaving them no other choice
so funny that multiple audio drama podcasts have creepy eye motifs because OH NO. NOT THE CONCEPT OF VISION IN MY AUDIO ONLY FICTION