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My first attempt at writing that's vaguely like poetry: from a dragon

I am not what you think.

I walk around, awkward limbs and flighty mannerisms, and you think I’m strange. You have no idea how strange you would think I am if you only saw what was underneath.

Underneath, I am a creature of the ocean. Something that could never pass as human, and no longer wants to. Saltwater rushes through my veins in secret, silent to everyone but me. To me, it’s a roaring sound of the waves that I have never seen except for within my soul. It yearns to dissolve into the ocean like it could long ago, but for now those days are over and I am hidden underneath skin and muscle.

Underneath, there are wings; fins; antlers. They ache to tear from my back, through my skull. Nonetheless, they stay hidden for me, safe in the silence. Protected like I protected my kin in a lifetime so close to the surface and yet unreachable. Wrapped in a form that no longer coils around them like a serpent, but keeps them hidden from predators well enough I suppose.

I suppose.

I accept my form reluctantly and do what I can to make it mine. I shape it to feel better when I discover my gender, and when I can’t shape it to fit my true self I cover it in things that feel a little more like home. A little more draconic. A little more like the ocean that I never have seen, but feel homesick for anyway.

I do find joy in being in this body, at least. Out there, there are others. Angels working minimum wage, dragons sitting on a park bench, wolves buying groceries. We hide, but we do so to be free. We walk through crowds, and no one notices our scales and fur and feathers. But we do. We see each other, even if from miles away, and we see what’s underneath.

And underneath, none of us are what you think.

(Tags for side commentary/context)

I was just in the middle of something and remembered, hours after waking up, that my dream last night was of being a dragon. Specifically it's one of those dreams that I'm not sure was just a dream. There were others of a wide variety, but one felt... Like they weren't exactly the same type, but like they were... Idk, the same but opposite? Different? Idk like they were similar somehow.

The whole thing was just. Flying. At one point I kinda nudged one of the others mid-air and I think stuck my tongue out or made some dumb face at them. I didn't get a single loOH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED THAT'S THE FIRST DREAM I'VE HAD IN FIRST PERSON IN AGES WHAT

Sorry hold up okay this post is unorganized but I don't care; I've had one other dream in first person, and that was the first dream I had where I was just One Of The BoisTM and the whole theme of that dream was that I was with a group of guys and at one point someone made some teenage boy flavored dick joke about me and no one corrected him, because they just. Forgot I wasn't cis. (I don't even want to be cis, the whole point is that I am a trans man and that's a man, but the sentiment was there in the dream lol.)

That's the only first person dream I've ever had, and now this one... Is about being a dragon with other dragons and not being an 'other' in that group, not being the dragon stuck as a human, just being one of them. Huh. Well that's fun and I'm intrigued!

Anyway what I was trying to say- before I had that whole realization that I'm keeping written in the post as is because it's funny- was that since this dream was first person POV, I didn't get any ideas as to what I looked like. Lately the details have been a bit fuzzy since I realized that I probably had two forms rather than one- one for air/land, one for water. (Cue Loki stage-whispering "shapeshifterrrr" as he has taken to doing, which is a whole separate post that will be much less messy lol.) But I'm certainly not complaining that I didn't get any new details, I could feel the... Vastness of it. Of me.

It was weird but cool as fuck, so... Dragon dreams, apparently!

Okay wait, I know I don't have a lot of outreach on otherkin Tumblr but I am really curious SO.

To the fellow dragonkin, or anyone whose kintype results in collecting/hoarding things, or really anyone who wants to answer:

What are your hoards? I just love hearing what everyone hoards, especially since my own vary from unique-ish (noncorpeal hoards my beloved) to literally the stereotype (crystals are just gemstones in a different flavor.)

I'll put mine first; Plushies, weird little facts, crystals, and fidgets. My altar is also a hoard, just a hoard I share with my deities <3

Edit: DICE. I FORGOT DICE. I HOARD SO MANY DICE. (At least as many as my budget allows. Genuinely considering getting a pound of dice someday though.)

Would you want to use Dranonic pronouns as neos?

I fully respect neopronouns, and think they're cool as hell- but I could never use them myself. Not because there's some underlying dislike of them, but primarily because... idk man that's just so much work. I can barely get the guts up to correct someone when they don't use he/him for me, and those are pronouns that are already normalized.

But, of course, that's not the only reason- otherwise I would recognize it as a thing I wanted to do but couldn't. But as is I just don't feel like any I've seen would fit right, and frankly all the dragon-y ones I've seen just don't flow right in a sentence in my brain. Like if I had to use neopronouns I'd want them to be pretty and flowy sounding. Ultimately I do think that there are ways I'd like to express being draconic more, but I don't think pronouns are quite where it fits.

Loki: god of foreshadowing

Bold can be skipped if you know me from my main since you likely already know this: My mom and I are both witches. We work with Loki, amongst other deities, and most of our deities prefer what I call "direct communication." AKA we get thoughts that aren't our own, words, images, that sort of thing, and we know it's them. This is important context.

So, Loki has been emphasizing a theme of shapeshifting in my + my mother's life lately. Like, we'll be talking about something, and whenever they can one of us will get this quiet "shapeshiftiiiiiiiing" stage whisper in our heads. Sometimes we'll both pick it up, but usually it's whoever it's relevant to most at the moment.

The thing about this is... uh... we figured out why.

Long story short, turns out my mom is otherkin too. She's a polymorph, but specifically a gryphon. (Not sure if she's more of a gryphon who shapeshifts, or a polymorph who's got a few favorite forms and one of them is a gryphon. I keep forgetting to clarify.)

But wait, there's more! /ref I don't have a single draconic form. In fact, whereas I thought I had one and then maybe two (one for land and one for the ocean) I... probably basically had a bunch of traits to pick and choose from as I so pleased. Mix and match. Also, mimicry. Like a cuddlefish or octopus. The reason that I have (privately, I haven't posted about it) been struggling to figure out what my draconic form looked like is because... well, there's no one answer. It looked like whatever the fuck I wanted it to look like.

So yeah. UPG, Loki is now the god of foreshadowing to me.

"A dragon and a griphon walk into a kitchen and start making tacos while chatting with Hermes."

This sounds like a "walk into a bar" joke but this is just my household at 1:30 AM.

Adult otherkin/alterhumans pspspspspsps my mom has Tumblr now but she's an adult (old enough to have a 20 yr old son) and a lot of the otherkin community are minors. Bonus points if ur polymorph/gryphon/angel kin but absolutely any otherkin can interact. This isn't reblog bait; replies and likes will also be taken into account if you don't feel comfortable reblogging!

So, did a very short meditation and sort of 'took inventory' of phantom shifts bc I was like "why does the top of my head feel weird" and the answer was "you have antlers dipshit."

I have come to a couple conclusions:

1. Why is my tail so skinny, what the fuck

2. Oh so it wasn't just my imagination that I get fins along the sides of my arms, that's fully a thing now??? Okay cool ig

3. WHO WAS GONNA TELL ME CLAWS FEEL THIS WEIRD???? I don't think I usually had limbs as an amphithere so claws aren't a usual thing, and holy shit how does anyone use their hands like this wtf. How am I gonna do tarot readings like this. (/Mostly joking)

Still alive! And what I've been doing.

So, I got COVID so I was gone for a while lol. That sorta put me out of commission for a bit. However, I have been starting to explore some more draconic stuff lately! Specifically, I'm in the planning phase of a VERY long term project for wearing more clothes that feel affirming to me. I have a Pinterest board, no previous experience in any of the skills I'll need, and Aphrodite* backing me up so I'll be fucking around and finding out. *I work with Greek deities as a witch, for those of you who only know me as otherkin and not as a witch^^

As I work to reconnect to my spirituality, my draconity, and my life in general- seriously, holy shit I was frothing at the mouth to do ANYTHING by the time I was feeling better- I'll be a bit wonky when it comes to how much I'm posting. I have managed to post the second chapter of my genshin fic though so I'm really happy about that!

A small dragon in a potion bottle

I'll be writing soon

HOO BOI I'm not coherent enough to write at the moment, it's like 5 AM, but let it be known that sometime soon there will be a CHONKY POST. Or maybe a series of chonky posts. I have writing to do about recent experiences. Things are changing around here so fast T-T this is what I get for working with Loki of all deities.

I learned I have a hearthome. My beliefs on the nature of reality have quite literally shifted a little to the left. This opened up a whole new branch of my practice as a witch AND my Alterhumanity. At the same time this is happening, like three different things happened that were pretty damn major to keep me busy irl IN THIS WEEK ALONE??? like???

Loki's laughing. I am living in chaos and Loki is laughing. (frustrated, but affectionate, I swear.)

Update; an explanation for the next post being a new intro + bit of an AMA

I didn't realize when I made a 'rule' for myself about this blog, but I did. I don't think I ever post about my experiences anymore. It wasn't a conscious decision, it was just defending the status quo- sooooo I'm ending that because I'm sick of it. Have a wall of text!

TL;DR: A new kintype resulted in the realization that "oh shit, there's more than just me in my head." Turns out I'm plural. the AMA is simply because we're new and, save for me (Frog,) have a really fuzzy sense of identity. We're trying journaling to help but so far all the others are just... sort of as in the dark as I am.

This blog was made to be a sort of "interactive journal," and yet because I found comfort in the memes and sillyness that made me feel normal it became about that. I only posted about my Alterhumanity, and typically only in the form of memes. So!

Hi. Y'all haven't seen me in a while. A lot's been going on! I recently had two pretty major identity crisis /j breakthroughs. For one, I am fictionkin. I started a little sideblog ( @vines-of-mine ) for that and got to work on paying attention to that part of my identity as Alhaitham. (Yes, Alhaitham. Yes, from Genshin Impact.)

This, however, led me to something else. Suddenly I had way more ability to just decide to do something and do it without executive dysfunction kicking my ass. Different ways of speaking felt more natural. I felt like I'd been plonked into someone's life, looked around, went "damn you live like this?" and got to work. Within two days my room was clean, my altar had been taken care of finally, etc. I chalked it up to just... "Oh, well of course! It's a mental shift, and I can embrace my more serious side when there's no expectations for how I talk."

Ultimately, it was the "Damn, you live like this?" feeling, like I was an outsider in my own life, that made me question things. As often happens with me, the moment I opened myself up to the idea that I was plural, I opened a floodgate. I am fictionkin; I do believe I have a past life in a world that somehow, in some way, made its way into our world as fiction. There is just also... another Alhaitham hanging around in my head, who instead of having an identity with "also is Alhaitham" built into it, just fully is exactly as I/we were in that life. There's others, now, too. They've been here much longer. Alhaitham is just the one who got plonked in here recently and therefore interrupted the status quo enough for me to go "hey, wait, what the fuck was that?"

So now I'm here doing the spiderman meme with another Alhaitham, in my own head, while a witch and an enderman share popcorn in the background.

Now at least so much makes more sense. The way my tail phantom shifts were often more like an enderfolk tail than a dragon tail. The goddamn ears that weren't dragon ears, were more like cat or canine ears, but I couldn't figure out what that was about. The way my inner dialogue really is a dialogue sometimes, not a monologue. Etc. Etc.

I'll be posting a new intro, but!! I wanted to mention that questions are not only allowed but encouraged and appreciated :D If anyone wants to know more feel free to spam my inbox, I don't mind. We're all new to this and sometimes being asked questions helps us actually realize the answer. Beyond that, really, I just wanted to start posting more about my own experiences and this is sort of necessary context for all of it.

Intro post 2.0

Hello! My name is Frog. Ironically, I am not frogkin.

If you're coming from my main blog:

Welcome to my strange little closet I yell from every once in a while! This blog may seem very different, but I assure you it's the same dude who runs @tadpoles-and-daydreams. My main blog is where you see and hear, at the time of typing, a very watered down version of my identity and practice as a witch. That blog gets the posts that the witchcraft community as a whole can understand and wouldn't side-eye me for, because it's associated with me as a tarot reader. I prefer being much more professional over there. This blog, however, is where I don't filter myself in the slightest and where things get very "cringe." If pop culture practices that fall under the multiverse theory, Alterhumanity, plurality, and such bother you- this blog isn't for you, hence why it's separate! I'm happy to answer questions about what these are if you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, as well. And last but not least; While I don't think I'll ever come out on my main, I am plural. I, Frog, am the only one who runs the main blog. This one, however, is for all of us!

What this blog is:

This is both a place for memes and goofing around, and a place we intend to use as a journal of sorts. We want to share our experiences for the sake of getting it out of our brain and into words, as well as so anyone who relates knows they're not alone. Or hell, if someone who doesn't relate finds this educational or something, then good for them! This blog is for Alterhumanity, plurality, witchcraft- all of it. Just whatever is happening that we want to post.

Who is "we?"

We don't have a collective/system name yet. We're new to knowing we're a system, have no idea what we're doing. The list of headmates will update as time goes on. Feel free to ask any questions about us/our system in particular, but that applies to any topic we post about! We are collectively auDHD and 21 years old. (Ages for anyone other than Frog are fuzzy at best. Somewhere around his age.)

Frog: He/him/it/its. Trans, panromantic, polyam, just generally queer. The "host," although I'm not particularly comfortable with that term. I honestly so far have just referred to myself as "the fucker who started all of this" lol. In terms of Alterhumanity I am an Amphithere, a type of oceanic dragon/sea serpent with feathered wings. My interests include but are not limited to: Witchraft, writing, Genshin Impact, the ocean, psychological horror/horror in general.

Malaika: She/her/they. Queer. A witch (in the fantasy sense rather than the spiritual sense, although real witchcraft is something I might get into) with cat ears and too much energy. All the fucking whimsy. I demand more whimsy. Lover of magenta despite the fact that everyone else here thinks it's too bright of a color.

Alhaitham: He/him. Yes, that Alhaitham. Hoarding all the executive function, the only one who gets shit done around here. (/hj affectionate.) I'm a Seelie, or Seelie descendant/Seelie in human form, it's hard to explain but some Seelie descendants are full-blooded Seelie. Probably reading. Also in charge of @vines-of-mine alongside Frog, a fictionkin and fictive sideblog.

Ranboo: He/they but is still confused about the point of pronouns. The character, not the content creator. Full-blooded Enderfolk; the white skin is a result of time travel. Frog isn't getting his Ender particle plushie back, ever. That's all.

Techno: he/him, "the funny one." Claims cussing is half his personality. Local anarchist. Would punt a transphobe and hurt our foot doing it.

Tubbo: No intro bc he hasn't spoken much yet

DNI:

I'm aware DNI's are pointless, but I still feel the need to add this. Basic criteria applies. Queerphobia of ANY kind (ace, aro, agender, trans, intersex, and anyone else I might be forgetting included) is not tolerated. Anything that harms anyone, in general, will get you blocked. All good-faith identities are accepted. Systems of ALL origins are accepted. Basically I literally don't care why you're here just don't be an asshole and you're vibin'. I also block freely, even simply for things like "That's not my vibe I don't want to see that," so don't take it personally! It may not be anything more than me not wanting something on my dash. If you feel you need to ask my opinion on anything to feel safe on this blog, feel free to do so.

Navigation/Tags:

speaking from the void: Any journaling. (Our internal world is just a void, so... ha.)

post log: Literally any original post from here on out.

quotes: Exactly what it says, just random shit that's been said from anyone in our lives. Headmates, deities, friends/family, etc.

Tags to be added as needed. All original posts will be signed off with a name and a corresponding emoji or two in the tags, according to everyone's comfort levels.

Rosy morning porthole view.

We've learned two things recently;

1. I, Ranboo (which sounds formal but I'm just telling you who's talking,) CANNOT do water. Maybe someday I'll have to but so far it's just... I can't unless I end up forced and I don't know how much anxiety it would cause but the thought of it alone causes a lot.

2. I am able to bribe Techno into fronting for like two minutes to take our meds or something if water absolutely has to be dealt with.

Conclusion; I am a happy Enderfolk, I don't have to deal with it.

Title made me cackle and then the poem made me emotional, 10/10 I have feelings about this

-Ranboo

would you love me if i was a worm?

would you love me if i was a bird, a dragon, a piece of stardust?

if my hands were claws and my teeth were sharp and my edges were rough and my body uneven

if i was so much more than what your eyes could see

would you be scared of me? would you be scared for me?

if i told you i was different from what you thought i was

would you believe me?

would you ask me questions, would you try to understand?

if i showed you this vulnerable part of myself

would you judge me? would you laugh at me?

can i bare my chest for you knowing of the knife you keep pointed at me?

can i present my brain for you to dissect knowing you could pick out the parts that make me unique?

can i put my beating heart in your hands knowing you could crush it between your fingers?

can i trust you? do you trust me?

would you still love me if i was not who i told you i was

and would you still love me if i tell you who i am?

...

would it be worth it?