Reparenting - Tumblr Posts
Dear reader(s),
It has come to my attention that we all may not have the best mothers or the best relationships with our mothers. I certainly don't and for how mine acted yesterday about me being later to dinner(I was the only guest and was 30 minutes late) I think that I am gonna lie and play sick next year if I am late. Maybe then she won't gripe at me and attack my fiancé.
This is a vent and a friendly reminder that if you are the one choosing to be a self centered piece of shit you will be treated accordingly.
We are not all little kids anymore and even if we were why on earth act so rudely on Christmas? Why threaten to take the food away for my being late even after I started to reheat everything? Selfish and dramatic.
Warmest and kind regards for the holiday season! May thr coming days be merry and bright!
My inbox is open for anyone who needs someone to listen to them without judgment or trying to fix them. I feel this most days. We are going to get through this.
My boundaries are this: I won't answer if I feel like I'm being trolled or if you're planning on hurting someone else.
Please be kind and respectful, and I'll do my best to get back to you.
I feel this way many days
🐸
There’s a reason lots of good parents say to babies stuff like
“You’re excited to go to the park!”
“Oh, it makes you mad that we can’t go outside.”
And then when the babies get a little bit older the parents can say
“You seem upset. Are you sad?”
“Are you excited that gramma is coming over today?”
Which lets the kid (who is learning to utilize speech) respond with yes or no, which may prompt more questions, like
“So you aren’t sad, are you angry?”
“Yes, does it make you happy when gramma is here?”
And then, finally, when the child is learning to use language in a more complex way, the parents can say,
“How does it make you feel?”
“Why are you feeling like that?”
And it’s all about teaching emotional awareness. I really reccomend using the process on yourself. Learn to ask, “am I happy?” “Am I sad?” “Am I anxious?”
Then practice identifying, out loud or on paper if you can, “I’m happy.” “I’m upset.” “I’m sad.” “I’m anxious.”
Final step: “Why am I feeling anxious? I’m still thinking about that awkward conversation earlier.” “Why am I happy? It’s such a beautiful day outside.” “Why am I sad? None of my friends are responding to my messages.”
It really helps you notice patterns (“I’m more likely to be happy when I’m around this person.” “When I haven’t eaten, I often feel angry.” “If I don’t plan ahead, I get anxious.”) which is the first step in avoiding things and people that are bad for you and encouraging things and people that are good.
Reparenting myself has absolutely changed my life. It’s a surreal experience to grow up waiting for someone to “save” me only to realize now I am that very person I was waiting for as a child.