Teenage Years - Tumblr Posts

Door painting "Psychodelic Cornflower" (2010)

This is a sixteen-year-old me next to the door I painted. It was my mother's friend order.

My mom allows me to drink beer so that I don't do it behind her back.

Wut?

i find it hilarious how i fluctuate from a deep depressive perspective to love light and butterflies every three weeks

teenage girlhood at its finest

need something, not sure what though.

Soon enough you’ll be thirty and wondering how the hell you got from here to there. You’ll look back at old pictures and swear that was just yesterday and then realize that yesterday was ten years ago.

And your heart will both rise and fall at the thought of those Friday night parties you used to get too drunk at, the times you screamed High School Musical songs at the top of your lungs while riding shotgun in your friend’s car with the windows down on the highway.

You’ll think of the time you and Jordan danced alone in her bedroom to some throw-back R&B or the time you and Hailey and Abi laughed until you cried while sitting “cross-cross applesauce” on her white carpets at four in the morning.

You’ll think of all the boys you carelessly kissed and all the late nights spent sitting by a fire playing Never Have I Ever and Truth or Dare.

And then reality will drag you back and demand you pay the bills, do the laundry, wash the dog. Pick up the kids from school, cook dinner, and somehow find enough time to hold your husband before you fall into bed.

And though you love this busy life and beautiful family you’ve built for yourself, there will always be a piece of you that misses being nineteen and young with no responsibilities and the entire world at your fingertips.

- ‘Nineteen’ by Makenzie Campbell

I'm a very lonely person. Throughout my teenage years I've had a hard time forming close bonds with people. I do have friends and get along with most anyone. But nothing close.

Recently I've gotten better about it: I talk to people more, take more initiative. So I've formed some random bonds which i love. But I know they mean less to the other person than they do to me. And it just comes with the territory. But it still hurts a little.

Prologue

Deep in the darkest point of the Midnight Valley existed a facility with a purpose of despicable evil. A place ruled by once innocent creatures who had been mind controlled into absolute obstruction, re-enacting the lessons they believed to be true.

We were pure lights filled with endless possibilities that had the power to cure the world of its anomalies. But those in power would not tolerate such good deeds and instead chose to lock us under the rules they declared, with chaos hovering over us in intimidation. Under such cruel management dictating who we were destined to be and surrounded by dark corridors with windows consistently blacked out, we often dreamed of the possibilities outside of the realities assigned to us. This was outlawed and the longer we stayed, the sooner we would succumb to believing the lies being fed to us by those with intentions misaligned.

We prayed to open the doors and be acquainted with the outside world, free of all the dark control that consistently rendered us motionless. But sometimes you must be careful what you wish for when every door leads to a new nightmare unfolded.

Pure Life; Conditioned Into Darkness

written by Dan Roberts

The Elders.

They grew from seeds far less fortunate than me That is what they told me as they ravaged communities filled with good intentions and possibilities Our lives were stalled by their terrible deeds

The teachings were passed down convincingly for the hurt tend to cause pain so easily Their hearts were lost fragments of shattered potential youth They evaporated into the blue and wrote this story I am telling you

Tradition taught vitally manifested into cycles, dangerously continuing a path of destruction onto the flowers, forever haunted We were doomed early on from ever blooming into the vibrant beauty we were designed to be

Yet, we dream at long last of breaking through the glass that holds us captive from a world we were barred from participating in We still have the fight within us despite the knives in our backs that communicate to us that we have no choice but to serve and respect the wrath of this lack of love that will inevitably turn us hard and cold We refuse to crumble into the ruins they perceive us to be

Our light still exists, somewhere, in hiding from all that tells us to become the evil that fills these halls of traumatic existence

We dream of perseverance

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 0 Pure Life; Conditioned Into Darkness #3

written by Dan Roberts

Forbidden Beauty.

What is beauty is what they have forbidden It is what they admire within us and all they have ever aimed to destroy

We were outlined a path to colour in and had no choice but to betray our fingertips in order to portray what would be rewarded We became the evil we swore we would never be after following the instructions subjected to us We were at an early age taught the act of conformity that eventually erased our true beauty

But what is beauty is what is natural It was what we possessed all along but lost at the hands of those disrupting the joy of a life lived pure and true

What is beauty is the rough edges of a life lived natural, true, ugly and unclean All the things we were forbidden to be

What is beauty is all we lost early on and it meets us at our point of suffering that continues to exist actively

We are all broken reflections of beauty, stolen

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 0 Pure Life; Conditioned Into Darkness #4

written by Dan Roberts

Butane Games.

Sparks’ flame sets a fire to far purer days where we were quiet and naive, fulfilling all the requirements of the image they taught us to be

Time passes as we witness how we now behave, rebelling against the very systems that lead us to the pain we are now actively remedying

We clutch our fists and inhale anything that leads us to leaving this present space

These grand risks taken by minds ever idle are defiant acts created within the struggle that persists in the wake of a hypnosis leading us to our inevitable downfall We know enough to access our survival using each other to combat the tidal that leaves us gasping for the very air that has destroyed our souls all along

We are escaping the establishment in perfect places and hidden corners where we can be rendered invisible From basement make-out sessions to unified wild intoxication, we are on a grand mission to forget what we are all running from The truth is, it is the very same force that keeps us together Little do we know that this is what they wanted for us all along and our many footsteps into rebellion and escape keep us latched onto the pain they intend for us to feel

It is a losing game we willingly play, convinced we are winning the strategy they created Once again, we remain at the bottom, yearning for a different reality than the one we live in everyday

It is all a losing game

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 0 Pure Life; Conditioned Into Darkness #5

written by Dan Roberts

Detention.

My friends are in the corridor while I am trapped inside a room with the elders who think they possess the power to groom each and every thought that stimulates my cloudy brain They all look down upon me as though I am the one to blame You would not know that I have been trying my very best for this environment we are trapped within is one I completely detest How could we possibly succeed playing their holy games when every single one of their sins burns like the hottest flame?

Lately, I have not been able to ever get my own way in the midst of the terror that has turned my world grey I expressed all the contents that have lead me into hysterics hoping my honesty would help but instead, they chose to barrack

There is something deeply wrong with you, they said We must convert you so you do not wind up dead They punished me for simply breathing, forcing dreadful pills down my throat We have saved his dark soul, they proudly gloat

I was excused from the room where I proceeded to get high, hoping to numb myself, forgetting their kindly-veiled lies They could never care about me even if they dare tried because even the best of intentions tend to be swallowed by the ego of those who feel they have done things right They named themselves the saviours of my tumultuous fight But the war I reside within will never be their victory to claim for every time I tried to scream aloud, they peered the other way

The next day, I returned to the same old detention room It is the space that carries all my impending dooms Things were back to normal as though nothing was ever amiss That is how I know they do not care if I cease to exist I leave my body, searching for life outside these dirty walls, wondering how far I could go if I could indeed have it all I sit very quietly, impatient for the clock to strike noon, praying all this destruction will be over soon

but my cycle of punishment always continues

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 0 Pure Life; Conditioned Into Darkness #7

written by Dan Roberts

Breaking Out.

Breaking out after years spent in these dark corridors We made sure to cause a commotion because we refuse to escape silently

Defiantly rebelling against those who stole our light High as hell, we knew well enough that our time was coming

We paid our dues and sacrificed a life so true when we existed in the basement where we were forced to comply and our dreams were made to die

All our perfect hues turned to gloom as our lives were depleted of any meaning Who we were meant to be went to die by cause of false character building

But now, we have escaped from the only place we know, opening the doors they kept locked and closed Finally seeing the light we imagined the world outside to be, we ran out of the dark we were enclosed within

We think we are free, but the world outside is unknown to us and despite breaking out, we still exist in the Midnight Valley finally being revealed to our hopeful eyes that have been constantly deceived

We may be many things but we are not yet free

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 0 Pure Life; Conditioned Into Darkness #8

written by Dan Roberts

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