Tw: Slight Mention Of Sh, Ed And Suicide

Tw: slight mention of sh, ed and suicide

I love my boyfriend. I am also very much worried about him. But he told me not to try and help him, if that's what he wants, I'll respect it.

I trust him.

If he needs to leave me because it gets too bad, he should.

I have come to terms with people doing what they are doing. I can't make my friends stop their unhealthy behaviors.

I've given up on making them eat or stopping them from cutting or keep them from death.

It's their life. I can't control it, I can only respect what they want.

Tw: scars

I'm feeling bad about my scars...

They are so ugly and just gross.

Not.scars overall, just mine. Just because they are on my body.

I want someone to tell me that it's okay, that my scars are a part of me and beautiful. That they don't change anything.

I want my scars to be kissed with gentle lips to be handled with care but also to not be acknowledged at all?

I want kisses all over my scars. To show love and tenderness? To make me feel whole.

I'm so tireddd.

But I can't sleep. I just wanna sleep. Having a sleeping disorder sucks. And now it's already to late to take my meds because if I do now I'll be exhausted all day long tomorrow...

I just wanna sleeeeeep. Please?

I think I need to cuddle with someone and hear them breathing to fall asleep now...

Tw: sh

I want to swallow the glass splinters that I am using for art right now. I want to to feel it cut open my throat and fill it with blood.

It just looks so crunchy. So tasty. Just made to be eaten. Just a tiny piece won't hurt, right?

I love the smell of hair dye. It has saved me so many times already.

So yeah, since autumn is starting I went red again :)

Tw: suicide

One of the friends I made while I was in the mental ward killed himself.

He was also a trans dude pre official name change or hrt. He was a few years older than me.

He loved art. He was really good at it. I got to draw into his sketchbook.

I didn't know him well but I did look up to him. I thought that maybe at his age I could also start doing better.

Now he is gone. He is dead. He will never get to have his own art gallery or feel right in his body.

I'll try for him now. And for all the other people that couldn't continue.

I'm glad I got to know him...