I'm Ashamed. I Feel So Guilty. I Am So Gross. I Don't Know. I Don't Know Why I Am Like This...

I'm ashamed. I feel so guilty. I am so gross. I don't know. I don't know why I am like this...

Tw: scars

I'm feeling bad about my scars...

They are so ugly and just gross.

Not.scars overall, just mine. Just because they are on my body.

I want someone to tell me that it's okay, that my scars are a part of me and beautiful. That they don't change anything.

I want my scars to be kissed with gentle lips to be handled with care but also to not be acknowledged at all?

I want kisses all over my scars. To show love and tenderness? To make me feel whole.

Tw: slight mention of sh, ed and suicide

I love my boyfriend. I am also very much worried about him. But he told me not to try and help him, if that's what he wants, I'll respect it.

I trust him.

If he needs to leave me because it gets too bad, he should.

I have come to terms with people doing what they are doing. I can't make my friends stop their unhealthy behaviors.

I've given up on making them eat or stopping them from cutting or keep them from death.

It's their life. I can't control it, I can only respect what they want.

i hate when i, a completely healthy person (very chronically ill), get sick (flare up) for no reason at all (i exerted myself way past my limit just cuz i didn’t wanna be “annoying”)

Tw: suicide

One of the friends I made while I was in the mental ward killed himself.

He was also a trans dude pre official name change or hrt. He was a few years older than me.

He loved art. He was really good at it. I got to draw into his sketchbook.

I didn't know him well but I did look up to him. I thought that maybe at his age I could also start doing better.

Now he is gone. He is dead. He will never get to have his own art gallery or feel right in his body.

I'll try for him now. And for all the other people that couldn't continue.

I'm glad I got to know him...

Trying not to cry because I really like how my makeup turned out today