I Like Planning A Future With Him.

I like planning a future with him.

But I know we'll never actually have it.

Kinda nsfw maybe??

How the fuck can it be that I had an awesome time with him, really just great even tho I've been really depressed the last few weeks (years) and when I leave everything breaks?

Like, when I left, I wanted to say goodbye, like we normally do, with kisses and stuff, but nooo

Because jerking off on the toilet was just way more important to him than actually saying goodbye.

The only reason I even know that he was doing that, is because he didn't fucking lock the door and I wanted to fucking use the loo.

But noooo

Instead I walk in on him, dick out, jerking off to fucking pornhub??

What the fuckkkkkkk?

He want to meet up tomorrow...

I am kinda very scared that he'll go no contact with me, haha....

Hahahahaha.

But I know I shouldn't be.

I know...

I know I shouldn't be.

I'm sorry for thinking that everyone will always leave me.

I am sorry.

Me telling myself that I feel good if I just eat less, loose more calories and feel the burning in my stomach constantly, knowing full well that it's a lie.

"mental health matters!" until your screaming and crying in the early hours of the morning over losing something as miniscule as your phone charger. but the reason your crying isn't actually about the charger, or your favorite pen you can't find.

little things add up.

His hands are so warm and comforting and his smile is so sweet and his eyes so pretty and his voice so calming and his overall presence just everything and and-