Fear Of Abandonment - Tumblr Posts

I’m so afraid of being in love again

fallin’ in love is kinda scary

Friendship Things That Hurt :(

-when you arent invited to your friends birthday party

-when your friends don't ask you to hang out with them

-seeing pictures of your friends having a great time hanging out together without you

-your friend posting a collage of a bunch of their friends on their story, but you aren't included

-when your best friend isn't best friends with you

-when all of your friends seem to be closer with each other than you are with them

-when you start to not know what to talk about

-when you try to talk about things you like, but end up feeling judged

-when none of your friends reach out to you or even notice when you're too depressed to talk to them as much as you used to

-when you feel like all your friends are leaving you

-when you fall into depression and see yourself leaving your friends and the guilt that you carry with you about that

-the fear of never being able to connect with real people as strongly as you're able to connect with fictional characters

-when two of your friends have a falling out and you're left having to pick a side

-looking back at the happy memories you had with your old friends and wondering where the fuck it all went wrong

-the struggle to know how close you even are with your friends

I didn’t get to grow up with my birth parents in my life, because of them I have lived through thirty one years of my life with abandonment issues. Searching for love and acceptance, settling for just anything that felt like love.. I look back on all of the relationships that I have been in and I feel so embarrassed to have allowed such toxicity in my life. I long for someone to come and save me, only to realize that I don’t need to be doing that anymore, I have myself to be proud of, I need to pour LOVE into this beautiful human being who is ENOUGH. I am WORTHY!!!!!!

Anyone who is struggling with the fact that you don’t feel important enough to be loved and appreciated, I’m here to tell you that you are!!!!!!

Me and my sisters are going to watch the FNaF Movie tomorrow night and I have a growing anxiety that they're going to forget about picking me up and watch it without me. (They (2) can drive, I can't)

I feel like my concerns are valid (based on things I don't wish to think about right now) but no one else does.

You know what's really fun?

Being AroAce with Abandonment Issues

You know what's even better?

Having my family (supportive or unsupportive) casually dissing/invalidating my lack of feelings towards other people

And people wonder why I'm so apathetic all the time.

It's called a defense mechanism, sweetheart

My trauma Is different from yours, but it is no less debilitating

Tw: mention of sh

I relapsed again and told my boyfriend and I'm justs o scared that he won't like me anymore because if it.

Which is not even logical because he also struggles with sh, but still.

I just know that noone loves broken people and I am shattered into 1000 different parts...

My urge to always apologize for everything

Vs

My fear of abandonment and the urge to always people please

The fight of the century, happening now because my partner doesn't want me to apologize and I don't know what to do.

Not apologize obviously because it's whiny but also, when I did something wrong I should apologize???

What??

I'll figure it out, just gonna tell my therapist

He want to meet up tomorrow...

I am kinda very scared that he'll go no contact with me, haha....

Hahahahaha.

But I know I shouldn't be.

I know...

I know I shouldn't be.

I'm sorry for thinking that everyone will always leave me.

I am sorry.

I miss him. So much.

It feels like I will never see him again. It feels like I can never hold him again. It feels like it's all over and lost.

I can't, I don't want to keep going like this.

Will I ever be enough for you?

I'm sorry, I know I'm not good.

I know that, really, I do.

But please, just give me more time.

Please?

I can do better, just stay a little longer.

I promise I'll be better for you.

I'm sorry, please forgive me for being like this...

I miss something that I can't even describe yet.

Maybe the feeling of belonging somewhere, anywhere, I do not think I was ever really a part of something.

Everyone seems further away than even the stars.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

I promise all I ever wanted is for you to be safe.

I'm sorry that this almost killed you.

I never ment for you to hate me.

Me: Once these friends stop loving me, I can never love again.

My logic: What? They still love you tho?? Why are you saying that, they've given no indication that they're gonna stop.

Me: This is it. I will never use my heart again.

Logic: Literally nothing is happening????

Me: Cruel world, I shame you for hurting me. Tears, I loathe that I need you. Love, I wish I never knew you.

Logic: LITERALLY SHUT UP, YOU'RE FINE??????????

I realised the reason I love reading those romantic xReaders so much is because my fear of always being left behind runs deep enough that it bleeds into fiction. I assume everyone is going to leave me once they get a crush and/or fall in love, so especially when I'm reading xReaders, I have to be reading the romantic ones, because I know that as long as the characters like me romantically, they'll never leave me. I realised this when I read a completely platonic one, and I was uncomfortable. I was complaining to myself that I much preferred the romantic ones, which were much more fun and interesting. But when I got to the end, I thought about how if I had that friendship in real life, I would have felt so fulfilled! So I reread it, and it was so cute and fluffy and wholesome and I loved it! But I wondered what the character would do if he ever fell in love with someone else. And then it hit me.

I fear even a fictional character, in a fictional scenario that I can control just by thinking about it, leaving me for a romantic entanglement.

I am not okay.