Sometimes, Alfred Isnt Around To Do The Grocery Shopping / Is Sick.theyre All Adults Though, They Can

sometimes, alfred isnt around to do the grocery shopping / is sick. theyre all adults though, they can buy their own food

it’s easier to go grocery shopping after patrol, when there arent as many people around in stores

that means they go buy groceries in costume because going home to switch clothes and then come back to shop is such a waste of effort when all you want to do is crash into your bed and sleep for hours

on one such occasion: the red hood and nightwing walked into a walmart, already arguing (”we’re not getting fucking 10 boxes of cereal, screw you–” “you won’t survive the winter.” “–you can have one.”)

they bought vegetables and fruits at the red hood’s insistence. also a strange amount of corn?? and cat and dog food.

they stopped at the milk section. “what percent of milk does A usually buy?” “uh. the normal percent?” “fucking shit.” they spent the next 15 minutes trying to deduce what kind of milk batman would like based on his personality. (”listen, i’m certain it’s whole milk.” “no, that asshole would absolutely buy organic gotham milk to support the local farmers or whatever.”)

“fuck.” “what?” “is robin vegan or vegetarian.”

neither of them remember so they end up arguing about vegan options while already holding two milk cartons (whole & nonfat; “listen, if they want something in the middle, they can just mix these in a glass, it’ll be fine.”) “almond milk sounds promising.” “what if he’s allergic to nuts?” “soy then.” “no, bad memories. coconut.” “the milk isn’t for you anyway, you asshole.”

after they decide on one almond, one coconut, they realise they have to choose if they want the milk to be sweetened or not.

cue another 15 minute argument deducing milk preferences based on personality

the coconut ends up being unsweetened (”it seems like it’d already be sweet, right?”), while the almond would be sweetened.

a long pause. “is anyone lactose intolerant?” “i hate you.”

as theyre looking at the lactose free options for milk, around 10 minutes in, the red hood exclaims, “fuck, the vegan options already are lactose free!” nightwing startles, but seems too tired to even reprimand him.

its 6 am

theyve been here for 2 hours

they buy 4 milk containers, a shitload of fruits and veggies, animal food and 10 boxes of cereal.

the red hood is not amused

(damian really starts liking almond milk and refuses to drink any other version.)

Danny doodles are good for the soul

(Inspired by a comic panel by promisen but drawn by me)

Damian: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this f*cking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’ Jon: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

Batfam: Oh sure we can! (track Jason)

----------------------

Bruce: You know you can stay, do you?

Alfred: Indeed, but I'm sure Master Jason might take care of them.

Barbie and ken meme idk <333

I made a post earlier about how Dick should have taught Damian to use his baby face to his advantage and someone said he would teach all of his siblings. So here is the aftermath. A task force specifically designed to bring Bruce down.

Dick: Hey B, I was wondering if we could borrow the Batmobile for the weekend?

Bruce: … [no]

Dick: Pretty please I promise it will be in one piece when I give it back!

Bruce: Hnn. [Still no]

Dick: Fine then, you’ve forced my hand. ATTACK!

Tim steps forward, yawning and promising to try and sleep properly.

Bruce loses two health points.

Duke is next in the initiative order.

Duke: It would be fun!

The full power of the sun shines through his smile.

Bruce falters but passes a quick time event in his head, only losing another two health points.

Cass steps up to the plate.

Cass: I would like to go on an outing with my siblings, it sounds fun.

CRITICAL HIT!

Bruce is starting to sweat as a total of ten health points are swept away by the fact cass considers them family.

Damian decides to use his special attack! Holding the target’s sleeve makes it especially effective!

Damian: Baba, please?

A whopping fifty points! BRUCE IS HANGING ON BY A THREAD!

Jason: c’mon Dad.

Fatality

Bruce: fine.

Dick: Great job team!

Damian: yes, we got the Batmobile successfully. I will drive.

Dick: No-