Old Friends - Tumblr Posts

the process of falling out with old friends is such a disorienting and painful process.

why do i know the way you liked your waffles and how your mother spoke to you, but i don't know what you look like now? and why do you know the person i was in middle school and how catholicism taught me shame, but you don't know the people i've been since freshman year of university?

i wonder if my old friends remember the last time we spoke before we turned into different people, because i don't.

in my head, she was still the girl that i ran that emo meme page with. in my head, she was still the girl who listened to me talk incessantly about 5sos and the girl who learned every single one of their songs on the guitar with me. in my head, he was still the boy who played super mario 3d world with me and the boy who'd piss me off because he kept wasting the lives my brother and i earned. in my head, they were still the person who knew me best, flaws and all, and the only person who chose to love me anyways.

i don't want the people i love to turn into smiling pictures forever frozen in time. but, i suppose, every connection has a time and a purpose, no matter how hard we try to hold on to each other.

but! it's okay. the world keeps turning and we keep "fuck it, we ball"-ing. <3

to torture myself i reread our texts. tonight, for the first time, i listened to a voice message. it was irrelevant, something silly. we used to communicate like that, to feel closer i guess. and that voice, so familiar, i can hear it in my head saying anything and everything, something you never even said- that's how deeply i know it. but now, now it felt distant. it felt exactly how it feels after you hear a stranger for the second time- you can distinguish something, but not enough. i was listening and i couldn't fathom even the thought of me ever being close to you. you do not exist anymore. you are just a blurry memory in the back of my head. when i listen to your voice i don't hear the voice of a person i love- i used to love. i just hear a voice.

I'm sitting here listing to musicals trying to find the motivation to write a play do my college work anything. Instead All I cant think about is how things have changed. the seeds of friendships can sprouted in my chest into something crooked and strange. maybe its still can bear some fruit, but what if they're poisoned ? would I still eat them ? yes I would, because I dont know what else to do.

I asked god for a swordsman

And god said “look at your hands”

So I looked at my hands

I looked at god

I looked at my hands some more

I said: “god… these are still my hands”

I am a child

He has a knife

If what I needed in this moment

Was a sad poet with a knack for violence

I would not have bothered asking

But I asked for a defender

I asked for a fucking swordsman for a reason

I cannot defend myself against myself

So I came to you in tears asking for protection

Some sort of refuge

Instead you shun me like this ?

What sort of help do you really provide

Other than shallow self interest

And a surface level concern ?

I understand you’re not equipped for this

But you could at least try

Instead of making more empty promises

Abandoned at the first trouble

That actually affected you

I was never talking to god

She has loftier things to agonise over

You have no such excuse

Because you are so very human.

Compass

There’s no going back to where we were

I’ve nearly accepted that now

We both chose different paths after that night

Except you didn’t tell me

Let me happily wonder down the way

Following, parallel, so close I didn’t notice

That you were forging on ahead

Turning away apparently without

A backwards glance

I can’t forget you, that’s the real tragedy,

My path is still paved with our shared stones

I copy your inflections

You’re so deeply etched

In the grooves of my mind

That I still can’t fully accept

My new people

I keep a space in my heart free for you

Though I know you’re not turning back

I had my chance and blew it

So now your departure compels me

Closer to the edge

I’d rather die than have to face

A world in which we never shared

My compass still calls you home

But I will never again call you safe

I gave you my knife

You stabbed me in the back

As soon as I showed signs

Of fracturing completely

I told you I was going to die

And you told me to wait

wait until it was more convenient

To finally see my fate.

MAG Archives Third Degree

The NEW Squad!

Alrighty folks, new year new DCA server!

Okay so we’ve seen a lot of lonely/socially awkward/new DCA fans looking for a place to talk to others and me and @flinxypie who kindly helped build this server are hoping this could be a fun place where we can coax each other out of our shells or at least spend a little while going pssppssppssssp with cat treats in an attempt to lure each other out from under the fandom sofa. The chat’s name is as of yet undecided (to be confirmed once poll results are in) but don’t let that stop you from joining along if you’re interested!

Here’s the link: https://discord.gg/4SYgUdW7Qc

This is a place to make friends where we embrace our awkwardness, our loneliness, and maybe we do it scared but we do it anyway (don’t worry, you’re in good company!). We don’t want to put anyone up on a pedestal out of other people’s reach or have fandom in general be a big competition or grind to get “famous” or stay “relevant”, just a fun space where we’re all equally silly little guys and get to talk about fun things we collectively like and have fun doing it at our own pace.

We plan on doing throwback days for older art, we have channels where you can adopt or be adopted by new friends (a little attention seeking is good and fine actually if you’re willing to give as good as you get) or if all words are failing you you can talk in meows or pictures or one word sentences in one of our quiet channels if you wish (fun fact: there are a surprising number of house cats and cryptids in the DCA fandom). Be a part of some silly fun art/writing trades, magmas or themed art/reblog chains and let’s all draw ourselves with our AU versions or do picrews (We also want to bring back the DCA sleepovers and interaction chains because those looked fun!) along with a bunch more stuff we likely haven’t thought of yet!

Everybody is welcome, lurkers are loved, and new friends are eagerly anticipated - let’s do this! 🎠

Having S&G be the first thing you hear in Girl Interrupted is so fitting tho.

Guess from the 2003/2004 Old Friends tour promotion?

Which reminds me, I still have to share a bit about their July 2004 Rome concert I had the blessing to go to. You know 1981 Central Park of course? Well, Rome had more people, was in front of the Colosseum with a full Moon rising, and they fuckin' rocked that night. Sheer magic. More to come.

another photo i found while searching my camera roll

Found quite an interesting article on Paul & Artie's concert in Akron OH, July 1983.

"Simon & Garfunkel packed Rubber Bowl in 1983" Couple of highlights:

"'Art and I haven’t resolved anything,' Simon said. 'What we’ve done is put them aside, at least temporarily. Although I suppose if you can extend temporarily long enough, maybe you have solved the problem.'"

(...)

"Garfunkel told reporters that getting back onstage stirred a lot of feelings. 'There are a lot of different emotions that go through the mind when we’re out there,' he said. 'Singing Old Friends with an old friend is something.'" Well, we know how it ended, but still I find it all rather sweet.

Ah yes, this is beyond sweet 🥰

i think abt this video like 20 times per day

Old friends, memory brushes the same years Silently sharing the same fears

"Old friend" is a gayass thing to call someone

April 3, 1968 • Bookends

On this special occasion, the birthday of this beauty of an album, I'm not only thinking about how great it is. I’m also thinking about my Grandma, and I’ll tell you why via an episode that has stayed with me all this time.

I came to know S&G via my Daddy's audiocassette of Central Park playing in my parents’ car. They knocked me head over feet immediately and I wanted to listen to everything they ever recorded - but we’re talking Italy around 1999/2000, before the internet really was a thing. You had to buy CDs or cassettes, and if you didn’t like ‘em, then what? Lots of money thrown away, so it was basically not gonna happen.

Luckily for me, my Uncle had all the studio albums on vinyl! So I often visited to religiously listen to them on repeat, a goofy 12 yo trying not to scratch them and stuff. I had no idea what the songs were about, I was just starting to learn English, but I was in awe. Those voices! Those sounds!

And the covers of the albums, how unusual they were to my eyes! Not in a bad way, mind you, but so different from what I was used to - I was familiar with Queen, with the Beatles, with lots of other international artists and their pictures, but S&G’s just had their own kind of flavor, if you know what I mean. There were two people and not a whole group, nor a single artist, for a start. They looked so young, so bonded… I didn’t know a thing, I had no idea who they were, but those album covers spoke to me. 

The music told me all I needed to know, really. I tried to follow the lyrics on the back of the albums that had them, but of course I barely understood them - too young to get the whole meaning, but I didn’t mind, because I got the vibes.

So anyway there I was, marveling at the beauty of the harmonies and music and curious about who created such a magic. My Granny walked in one day and something upon these lines happened:

"Who are they? What is it they're singing?" 

"I have no idea Granny - they're American though, from NYC!"

"Oh yeah? What are they like?”

I picked the albums and we started looking at Bookends because you know, it’s the one where you can see their faces better.

“Do you remember seeing them on TV some time, Granny?”

“Not at all.” She paused to listen, I guess Wednesday Morning was on and Go, Tell It on the Mountain was playing. “They sound meh. But they're very handsome."

"I think they sound great and look meh, Granny."

"Hm. Lemme hear something else.” I have no memory of what I chose, but whatever it was, it won her over. “Well, shame they sing in such a strange language, I can’t understand a word. But you're right, they do sound nice. And you'll appreciate the rest when you grow up.”

And I do believe quite a lot of my problems started that day, lol. Anyway, it’s some sweet memory I felt like sharing. Happy Bookends birthday, my fellow S&G lovers!

By the way, I later discovered my Granny knew both The Sound Of Silence and Mrs Robinson because they were both sang in Italian by Italian artists in the 60s. SOS was turned into a love song, Mrs Robinson kinda maintained a pale bit of the original meaning. Anyway, Granny didn’t care about the lyrics, she was hooked by the music. I particularly remember when she heard S&G’s Mrs Robinson: she looked at me with such happiness in her eyes and agreed that it sounded just great - though she was still annoyed at the language, “Why two handsome boys with such handsome voices must sing in such an unintelligible language!”

I need you to understand that I will find little reasons to drag you back into my life after you leave. I will send you jokes I think you’ll like and pictures that remind me of you—I will invite you to all my parties—I will wish you happy birthday at five am because I woke up early and wanted to be the first one to say it. Once I know you, it is forever. Even after you leave, I’ll keep picking at the scars where you once were until they bleed, and I’ll smile at the phantom pain as though I am smiling at you.

My Roman Empire is that one friend I messaged ‘Merry Christmas’ to and they responded a week later saying they had been lost in the Russian woods without service for a week because their grandparents didn’t pick them up from the airport

Cricket. If you’re out there, I hope you’re okay.

-So? Does he serve you?-. Maxwell says looking at his son, who is posing in front of the mirror.

-Yes, it is a very good body. You had told me that he was studying mathematics, right? He really doesn't look like a nerd-.

-Don't call him that, he's my son Joseph, not just any body you can use and throw away. I'm not doing this for pleasure, I'm just doing it because we had a good friendship years ago and I owed you a favor. I offered you my body but you said.....-

-Yes, I told you that your body was old and fat, which is true. You should join the gym, like this young man here-. Joseph says flexing his new young body.

-Anyway I won't stay long, hopefully in a couple of days the police will stop looking for me and I can search for another body on a more permanent basis. You know, you could come with me, we'd be brothers again, and we'd go out and have a good time. Plus my offer to get you a new body still stands-.

-I already told you, that life is over for me, now I have responsibilities, a wife, and a son, who now you wear like a suit. If either of them found out about this, they would never forgive me-.

-They will not. Plus you know me Max. I'm a man of my word, I won't do anything to your son, in fact Nathan and I are going to have a lot of fun-. Joseph says with a crooked smile.

-Just make sure you play the role as best as possible okay, I don't want to......-.

-Yes, yes, dad, don't be annoying, I'm capable of playing a young university athlete. In fact there's a party tonight, and Uncle Joseph is taking me out for a ride-.

-Just remember, low profile-.

-Don't worry, I'm just going to have fun, drink a couple of beers and maybe sleep with a girl, then I'll go to my student flat and have a quiet weekend-.

-Nathan is gay, Joseph-.

-Not with me at the wheel, old friend. Now Nathan is straight, "dad"-.

-Oh god, this was a mistake-.

-Relax, I'll be gone before you know it-.

Josehp, or rather, Nathan got dressed and walked out the door, leaving his father very worried. He got into his car and left. He passed in front of the party house and continued on. Joseph didn't lie, he was going to the party, what he didn't tell Maxwell is that he was first going to "improve" his new body and adapt it to his needs. After all, Nathan's kind nature was a nuisance, and Joseph was more of a "bad boy" type.

Missing a friend you can’t be friends with anymore hurts a lot more when it isn’t a choice you’d make if It was up to you :/

i don't open the box of childhood memories, it reminds me of the old friends i ran away from because i was scared of hurting and with that remembrance comes the guilt of how i made it all fade away in silence, i still think about you but we are not the same anymore, i miss you quietly, i don't know how to go back to the people i used to love. i don't even know if i want to.

my old friend today told me that out of all the people that have ever loved her i still matter the most to her and i told her not to say things like that because even though i was grateful to be loved so much i was scared i'll hurt her and then she told me "you won't and even if you do i'll forgive you because i love you."

in the middle of organising plans to meet up with my old friend from high school who i had a terribly toxic co-dependent relationship with, who also decided to never talk to me again in april 2022. She reached out in like,,,, june this year to meet at the airport, but i had class. I asked her if she would be around the following week, but she said she would be in canada. i told myself that we both tried and now we're done.

but now she asked if we could meet up while i'm in our home town. i agreed. i am shit scared. responding to each of her messages takes me so much time and mental energy. my heart is literally racing. i don't want this to ruin me again.