Queer Life - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
Brad was bizzay. Couldn’t his boyfriend Chris’ appendix wait until tomorrow to burst? Every gay knew the golden rule: You can’t rush sexy. Besides, they were working. Chris needed to be gyrating as an erotic male dancer not clamping his jaw and slouching over.
“What was tomorrow anyway?”
Chris responded with ‘mañana’. He then went on to explain it could also be ‘the day after today, but not the day after that because that would be the day after tomorrow.’
In an effort to clarify things further, Chris stated what the two were speaking to was the day before that but not today, rather to the day in between despite the fact all that was being referenced originated from the day they were presently in, whatever day that turned out to be.
Brad and Chris were en route to Cedars Sinai not two minutes later. Surprisingly, they were only the second gay couple to arrive at the ER wearing only designer thongs and flip flops that hour. That’s until Brad and Chris realized it was Gay Pride weekend in SF, Chicago, Toronto, and NYC.
Then it all made sense.
Brad didn’t know what color his boyfriend Chris’ swimmers were. The spread looked pretty good so Chris gave his best guess.
‘Ron Burgundy’ scored BIG time.
source
Whatever his boyfriend Brad said was fine. It was water under a bridge he's never seen, heard of, or planned to cross, but here's what he had to say as to polls. "Half this country was in an abusive relationship and either didn’t know it, know how to get out, or somehow convinced themselves the situation just didn’t apply to them despite not living in an isolation chamber for eight years."
Chris then noted humans remain capable of reasoning anything and then followed this statement by a renewed call for a better form of thinking. As for the more desirable poles, well...Chris said he "would always take two and never turn down left overs or twins. Yum!"
Before his boyfriend could react to the raunch, Chris took ownership readily admitting his suggested sexual antics rang to him "a bit old school Christina Aquilaria," meaning it was both hot and dirty minus a few 'r's' of course.
The fact was the two were at a pool party in WeHo where every beautiful man in Los Angeles was in a Speedo or something of equally negligible coverage so Chris naturally assumed "between PREP, chlorine, and whatever part of the spectrum of sunlight that killed microbes and such, this was essentially the definition of a very well calculated risk."
Leaving no space once again for Brad, Chris went on to mansplain "in reality it was hot partially because it was summer. There was also this whole climate change thing going on," but then switched gears saying the leftovers and twins thing being so hot mostly stemmed from a softcore he watched when he was 16 titled “The Grill” that followed the sexcapades of a men’s college swim team while attending their coach’s off season summer bbq.
The early 80’s flick was considered edgy in its day apparently because the coaches wife was away on a business trip leaving the boys to fend for themselves. Chris was quick to point out tho the viewers never learn what kind of business she was in. He assumed it was advertising as that’s what the lead lady in the flick “Mr Mom” did. That both films were coincidentally released the same year carried enough weight to take the one hole in the softcore Chris didn’t want right off the table.
Seeing himself in full truthing mode, Chris then physically reached into thin air, pretended to grab something, then did the gay ‘z’ snap as he declared the shenanigans at the pool party "not actually dirty, but dirty adjacent due to all the precautions both manufactured and natural taken by the parties attendees.”
It was then Brad finally dove in the poll/pole conversation he started but largely failed to participate in with a sharp "True." Everyone attending the event already knew not to bring up the responsibility already taken at the party itself as it defeated the purpose. They were there for a good time and much of that was indulging themselves in the wild care-free fantasy. If someone was stupid enough to show up knowingly with something that wasn't theirs that's another tomb-sized plot of real estate for dancing upon in recognition of this person's immediate social death.
Vengeance hardly ended there. The reprise occurred at this persons physical death pending anyone knowledgeable of the event outlives this person. 99% of the time they did as for whatever reason vengeance keeps people alive until it's achieved. At that point, you’re as good as dead yourself.
That last part never appealed to Brad or Chris so they chose the sweeter slow release option of dancing nearly naked while high as a kite once or twice a month. It werked a lot of negative energy out though it admittedly invited some wonky back in. No transformation of energy was ever perfect or completely clean. Oddly this was never really spoken to across the board from the underground gays all the way through to mainstream society and then some.
The spiritual death or the parting of this person's soul were also celebrated but occurred less frequently. It largely applied to those in the deepest of the deep usually either claiming hetero and/or some sort of divinity. Ironically, few of them had souls or any sign of spirit hence the small numbers. They either never had them in the first place or they were already goners by the time the gays got to them. Regardless, the offenders helped keep the dancefloors packed in the after-after-afterhours which was a very twisted way to say sometime between 8am and noon the following day.
Brad went on to say "they were all reasons to dance and do drugs. Taking responsibility certainly granted its freedoms but no matter the situation or level of involvement, people will always cross lines. It's how anyone knows where they are. Once they are established, you’re either stupid or a hero for crossing them." Brad paused for a few seconds of self reflection. "We jump on that ship so quickly when on the sidelines don’t we?”
Chris dove back in the chat with his own sharp "True.” Then a two second pause followed by another “True. And True.” He then pointed out for the sect of the gay spectrum this notion did apply to inclusive of themselves, jumping on the revenge train for the anti gays felt not too dissimilar in concept to the whole 'I'll do anything for science' phenomenon.
Chris looked to his right giving a facial expression as if pulling files in his head. “It was weird to see that go off the deep end in recent years. Science that is. How did the entire field of academics and study just not make the dinosaur/bird connection until just now? Ummmm. Ooops. We took the dinosaurs extinction as this grand dramatic exit for hundreds of years."
Chris paused for Brad's acknowledgement smirk as he knew that was a zinger. It also gave him just enough time to conjure up another to wrap this conversation up. Chris was horny and could see a platter of hot dogs floating their way. He nodded to Brad who turned to see, then motioned the tray boy to stay on course to them. When his boyfriend turned back his way, Chris could see Brad's excitement matched his own.
Chris let out and unrehearsed “nice” then mentioned the hot dogs filled out their buns quite well too. Brad smiled at the notion and thanked his boyfriend for such kind observations. Chris then proceeded to smash last hurdle to happy happy joy fun land by spending his last two cents.
“As for both polls and poles, whenever these f*cks come around, we will take them in.”
“We always do.” Brad whole heartedly agreed adding, “people always seemed surprised both of them were so versatile and open minded.”
They were when it counted.
It was as close to hanging out Brad could legally do.
Haha. We said ‘do’.
The Labor Day gayborhood pot luck sat just around the corner and everyone rushed the sign up sheet the moment it was posted. Would Brad, Chris, and their neighbor Luke serve up their infamous three piece spicy Himbolaya?
Yes hunties! YES. They wood for all.
Brad was soooo not wearing a shirt. His boyfriend Chris must have gone and bumped his head. Could he not see? The sun wasn’t that blinding. It’s only really bad for your eyes during an eclipse anyway. Otherwise things ran normal. Right?
Just then Becky sauntered by blurting nice “Nice blouse Brad!”
That sure put Chris in his place.
Brad further pleaded to his boyfriend.
“So what Chris? Sure it’s 72 degrees and sunny. Wasn’t this everyday in LA?”
After five seconds of silence Brad had it. Things were about to get real.
“Listen Chris. You can’t wear that jockstrap and think I’m not gonna want to stay inside.“
Turns out their neighbor Luke felt the same way. He let himself in through the back door after seeing Chris in the picture window under the assumption it was an open invitation.
According to Chris “it wasn’t but it was tho not entirely accidental nor really intentional either.”
Brad thought things read more happenstancial then questioned if that was even a word.
Luke said “it just was what it was, so that made it a ‘why not just go for it’ kind of a thing.”
They went for it.
Ahhhh…. Boys. They do change but only out of clothes to get laid.
Brad made lead shift captain after getting behind in his work.
The Swole Strip II
As fate should have it, Chris began erotic dancing right when the video playback on his iPhone got stuck in slo mo.
Fresh off the gay heritage photo shoot Brad felt overwhelmed with cravings. A hot, plump, steamy burrito sure sounded good. Ohhhh. He thought. What about some huge juicy meatballs with thick creamy Alfredo sauce?
Well, this was a hard one he mused feeling very conflicted. Brad then asked a question of himself. Was Alfredo still in town? He’d need to text his boyfriend Chris as that would likely be the determining factor.
All of Chris’ friends were gay. Oh. So was his boyfriend Brad.
Life was good to Chris that way.
Of course Chris had attitude. He was a professional male model just like his boyfriend Brad. If there was a problem here officer, it wasn’t his. What was up with this pullover business anyway? Chris didn’t even have on a shirt.
Chris aired his dirty laundry like nobody;s business.
Mr San Francisco Leather 2020 Trey Onyx, he is the first open trans man to hold the title and the second black man to hold the title since 1979 (source)