I Know It Seems Like I'm Always Doing Bad, And That's Because It's The Truth- I Am Always Doing Bad

I know it seems like I'm always doing bad, and that's because it's the truth- I am always doing bad

Autistic Social Trauma

Autistic Qualia

This and also I wish I didn't take every interaction with m friends for granted

i wish i could feel emotions the normal amount

CW: MENTAL HEALTH STUFF, SUICIDE, PSYCH WARDS, VENT, THE PUMPKIN THE GENTLEMAN AND MELANIE MARTINEZ SITUATION

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Being mentally ill as a minor and rarely getting the proper help for it is genuinely traumatizing.

I just started school the week after I got sent to the psych ward, and it's been so stressful to have to deal with trying to re-integrate myself into society, and I feel like I'm back where I started a couple of weeks ago. And I feel horrible about it.

I'm back to being on the internet non-stop, which means I'm having to constantly see shit related to the pumpkin the gentleman and Melanie Martinez situations and constantly arguing with people over it, and I've had to switch to taking different ADHD medications, because apparently my insurance doesn't cover my last medications, and it's $40 a refill, and since I was left unmedicated for the past two weeks, I've been struggling to pay attention in school, and it's really setting me off. And it doesn't help that I got forced to go off my anxiety medications because it was causing my mood swings to get worse..

I hate being mentally ill. I hate having people actively avoid me over my mental illness, I hate constantly thinking about killing myself, I hate having all of my thoughts be jumbled around all of the time, I hate how I hurt people and can't do anything to stop it, I hate myself so much, I hate it all.

Therapy was supposed to be a fresh start in my life, but I guess it doesn't matter how many "starts" I get. It all ends the same.

There's always something that messes it up and suddenly I'm back to doomscrolling on tiktok for hours at a time and mass-blocking all of my friends when something happens between us. It's draining and awful to go through almost every day.

And the fact that my bpd symptoms have gotten to the point where I'm hurting people over it makes it worse, because then it makes people hate me even more, and I've lost a lot of friends over it (I miss those friends btw)

I just wish I could go back to the psych ward, I was so much happier there and I didn't have to worry about all of this 24/7/365.

BPD culture is falling in love with some 36 year old man on the internet and having fantasies about him being your boyfriend because he's the only one that genuinely understands how you feel and what you've been through, even though you're aware that he's done some really bad things that he should be held accountable for and you've never had a direct interaction with him in your entire life

(looking at you, Yandere Dev)

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