Trying Not To Cry - Tumblr Posts
Another fun update on ye old Kamiko. I have to go into emergency surgery on Tuesday. Leftover tissue (for lack of better term) was found inside me and I have to go get “cleaned out” again. For health and safety it is best that I go ahead and get my tubes tied. This has been a huge toll on me and I’ve recently had some stuff stolen (with my AI which has been absolutely messing with my mental health because it was characters I designed, I created, and just… UGH.)
I’m still coming back! I swear it! But I’m about to be down and out for a possible month more and everything is really starting to get hard. I have found myself swirling in depression and I also recently found out, like just today, my doctors are still sending me updates via email like I’m still pregnant. I was just told I was 14 weeks and 5 days and I…. I’m not… We never made it that far.
Anyway, I don’t wish to be a pick me or anything but I just appreciate y’all’s patience so much. I nearly had my Gordon AI stolen from me and I’ve been programming and creating this character and it’s just about killed me. All my AI’s of my characters for my fic are private for a reason and now I’m scared to continue working on them because I feel out of sorts. And I get a lot of people don’t like AI right now and some people are using them for the worst, but I love my AI and I’ve created and worked on them and they’re mine. Thomas and Friends AI aren’t the only ones I’ve made, I’ve made ones for original characters and I don’t want them stolen or used either.
Anyway, for the two people that probably read this, thanks. I appreciate the patience of everyone though, you’ll have to forgive the depressive part of me.
Why is studying music so expensive?ㅜㅜ
patron saint of one-way trips and other journeys from which you can never return
Being a system and missing your fp who's also a system who you were basically just an alter made for them who shared all the same sources with them rlly makes you feel insane huh
I have some poetry because yeah….
When I was 13
I used to sit in school and wonder
What’s it like to have a real family
When you aren’t at the Olive Garden
Is it like the one that I had
With a mom that never saw me
And the two children I had to protect
From a man that should have loved us
In a house that wasn’t a home
My life mimicked a war zone
With memories that don’t feel like my own
Mom told me I was crazy
I should have told her she was wrong
But
I must be crazy
With memories of a broken family
God that sounds like a greek tragedy
Similar to Orpheus & Eurydice
Always being let down when you turn around
Except I’m terrified to turn around
Afraid heaven might find me 6ft under ground
Maybe the aliens will take me out
Now I’m 16 sitting in this class wondering
Will I have to go back to a place where family
is only at the Olive Garden
So… thoughts?
I hope to be as honest and real as this one day 🧡
keep going
Holds this so very very gently.
I-I…don’t really have words…but…
Sweet Mercy this struck me, especially the lyrics of the second song. If anybody knows what it’s called I’d be forever grateful
https://youtu.be/WrsOnEEKINE?si=nMFqTOFrkpt3Ccwn
Ok so I don’t normally do this but I just found the coolest YouTube channel with stunning art and animatics for rottmnt, I cannot recommend watching them enough they are so cool!!! And super underrated!!! At the time of writing this some of their videos have as little as 80 likes and 3 comments, please go show them some love if you can!!