Cw Vent - Tumblr Posts
Being a system and missing your fp who's also a system who you were basically just an alter made for them who shared all the same sources with them rlly makes you feel insane huh
Growth means realising the fact i cant afford to wash my clothes at the cheapest laundromat isn't my fault. Human nature means acknowledging the fact that this world is so fucked up I cant AFFORD TO WASH MY CLOTHES AT A LAUNDROMAT ANYMORE. I hate this country, I hate how it treats my family and wellbeing. We weren't even poor when we fucking moved here, we were but we weren't poor poor. Now what, washer breaks and if we buy a new one we worry about food for the next few months? the food we were already worrying about? This country puts me and my family through a literal never ending cycle of pain and shame. I haven't felt this fucking embarrassed in ages. Heres to another year of suffering because my life is prefucking determined by the greedy red white and blue. the rich get richer and the poor have to wash their clothes in the goddamn sink for a month.
As much as I love My adventures with Superman, I'm so tired of the show getting a lot of disrespect and backlash lately on Twitter, especially from the Zack Snyder cultist!
First, the whole Lois thing, then Superman actually being Superman, now pretty much crapping on everything that's on the show, it's absolutely disgusting.
It's crazy how this, X-Men 97, The Boys and Invincible got a lot of slack for calling out grifters and people who dumped on their shows and yet somehow those idiot grifters still don't get the message.
Like can y'all just basically get a life for once, you are the mystery on why we can't enjoy good stuff, bringing all your toxicity in everything, with your crappy rants, thumbnails and shit.
I hate this feeling. I hate what others might say about it. This forsaken curse that makes me incompatible with the flesh suit I was born with.
I hate dysphoria. I hate it when people around the world say "it can't be that bad"
And in some cases they're right. In some cases it isn't that bad. But it's when they're wrong that dysphoria gets dangerous.
That urge that can turn to violence or sadness or both.
The urge to crush and fracture the skeleton that makes your body shaped the way it is.
The urge to skin yourself so you don't have to look wrong.
The urge to remove yourself from the equation all together so that you can try to free yourself from this feeling that you aren't in the right body.
Waking up feeling like you're possessing a stranger's skin.
Being misgendered.
Simply existing and having a thought occur that makes you wish that you could simply give up or make everything fix.
If I were in a different state I wouldn't have had to wait another year. But here I am in one of only two US States that don't view people as adults until they are 19.
One more year after this one.
One more long fucking year.
I hate this vessel I am trapped within.
I hate waking up and feeling disconnected from the very skin that portrays my being.
I want to cut all the skin off. I want to shatter every bone and destroy every last atom of the genes that forced me to develop this way.
Sometimes it's not this hard. But today it's harder than I could imagine. The only thing keeping me from desecrating this flesh suit is the knowledge that deep down, it won't change a thing and it won't make anything better.
So now all I can do is wait.
Wait until I'm old enough to actually make an impact to alter my being.
Wait until I can actually look at myself in the mirror and see me.
Wait until I can actually feel happy and like I'm inhabiting my own skin, for more than simply a week at most
I think something might be wrong with me, idk, people just seem to either ignore or avoid me unless I initiate the interaction. Idk if I'm just annoying or something, but i tend to feel pretty unwanted, and I don't know how to fix it :[
warning about su!c!dal shit bcuz my sanity is dead atm
oooooo i'm having funny thoughts!! a nice scissor with a shiny sharp edge, stabbing me in my heart. all good, all happy, smiling and crying, laughing and sobbing as my heart squeezes itself and crumbles into an empty shell. i'm dead, i'm dying, can you see? i love to hate me, i hate to love me. i'm tired. good night
Some vent arts since I’ve felt like shit since yesterday evening.
TW/CW: slightly disturbing imagery?
I’m only proud of the second one, the rest is too basic or too edgy.
Vent because I had a hard time today!!!
Sometimes I wonder when I should stop.
Stop with everything.
It’s so hard to continue, but I just can’t stop continuing.
Doing it alone hurts and isn’t fun.
That’s why I’m happy when I’m with people I like.
But even with friends, sometimes I wish I could stop.
To take a breather and not have any worries.
I wish that those days would exist.
But I put myself too much weight on my shoulders.
If I’d stop I’d lose so much.
I don’t know what I have until I lose it.
And I’m scared when it does happen.
-
not at all okay!!! When the hell is my prozac gonna work it's been like a week almost (I'm impatient as all hell </3)
n like yeah ik this sounds like smth one of em alpha podcast sigma grindset male posts but I've been getting bullied for being ND and every server ignores me as I struggle to be part of conversations; either because people talk about something I know nothing in, or because I am second-guessing what other people mean and how they will interpret my words. Like yeah sure go ahead and call me slurs and treat my sensory issues as a joke I'm sure it's gonna end well for everyone involved.
When you feel lonely but you're not alone is such a weird feeling
I have a lot of friends and people who care about me
I thought the loneliness was supposed to go away when I'm not alone
i hope my stepdad dies
2023 starting out fine but i’m still on break so we’ll see
i got into a fight with my dad because he hit the dog :)
im gonna kms one day :)
either i’m having a mental problem or it’s a kin thing idk but my brain is tryna convince me i’m an insect.
lil bug boy /neg
i’m not having fun
going through a week long episode in 10 minutes
i’m not having fun free me
gender is weird and doesn’t make sense. i like being a boy, i like using he/him pronouns, i like being who i feel i am.
but somethings still wrong. there will be multiple times, and those times are becoming more frequent, where i’ll go onto chatbot sites or write fanfiction for myself, and then proceed to use she/her pronouns. even more than that, i use a different name from my deadname. the name i use in these situations changes every so often, but they’re all feminine names.
in every one of those cases, where i’m catering to my own desires, i present myself as a girl
and i’ve identified as a trans guy for about a year now. i’m relatively solid in this identity. there will be bumps where i try out a new set of alternate pronouns, like it/its and whatever neopronoun and xenopronoun set fancies my interest.
despite all this, when i’m alone, and i’m only indulging myself, i’ll go straight back to my birth gender.
it’s not normal, i think. at least not to me. sure, i’ve always been a bit indecisive, but i thought i would’ve solved this gender problem by now. and as far as i know, no non-binary genders out there fit my experience.
it can be painful to me. i always frame it, at least with ai, as “getting the anatomy right”, and with fanfiction, it’s just seeing how i like it.
but i don’t know. either i’m a gay guy or im a (maybe) bi woman. and i don’t know who i am.
i don’t understand what my gender is, and i don’t want to switch back to being perceived as a girl in my real life. if it was up to me, i’d just be a girl online and stay my trans guy self in real life.
take it even further, if i was transported to a fictional world of my choosing, completely customizing myself to a comfortable identity and body, i’d likely be female again.
we can’t just ignore the pain and agony i get from regular spouts of dysphoria in my day to day existence. i thought i’d want to be a boy if i had the chance to choose my body in another world.
but somehow, i have the feeling i’d even be happier if i was a girl in a fictional world.
i don’t know what’s wrong here. i don’t want to try she/her again for fear of a sudden rush of dysphoria, but i so badly want to know if being a guy is even for me.
A CURSE
My mother was given the curse of a child like her. A stubborn, emotional, and thoughtful child came from her. You told me that I’m just like you, then go on in the same breath to tell me how bratty, sassy and how much flack you gave your parents. Pushing me into the narrative you have so desperately tried to escape. Im you. And when you wished upon me that I would have a daughter like me I hoped.
For maybe one day I’ll have a baby girl, she’ll be stubborn, strong and just like me when I was her age. Except instead of pointing out her flaws, instead of tearing her down to keep her humble I’ll build her up. I’ll teach her to love herself. Because maybe, maybe I can prove to myself that I am loveable. That somewhere, someone loves me. That I can be loved. With the right treatment, with the proper care this curse you have called upon me will become my own blessing. I will tell her stories of my childhood and remind her she is not me. That she will forge her own path in the world unlike any other.
I’ve been told having a daughter is a curse, you’ll get the sass and smack thrown right back at you. And I hope I do, because I want to treat her with love this time. I want her to know she is loved, she will always be loved. That she won’t be tossed away at the first sign of imperfection. I’ll tell her how proud I am of her. But most of all. I won’t tell her I was scared to have her, I won’t tell her I didn’t want her. I won’t make her regret her life like you did.
I’ll tell her she’s enough for me. Because you never did.
Stop pretending like you know what I feel
Stop pretending like you know why I feel this way
Just shut up
Shut up!
Please