There's Something About Having Been Suicidal Since Late Childhood/early Teens That Means You Get So Used

There's something about having been suicidal since late childhood/early teens that means you get so used to feeling worthless and pathetic that whenever it flares up it's just like 'oh, it's this again - something must be..'.

Or you reflect on the last however-many years and wonder where your life went; where you look at the future like it means nothing and see your progress through a lens of 'I should never have been alive to see this, so why does it matter'.

Where you look back at your childhood self with guilt and shame because you didn't succeed in your goals because you were busy fighting

And it absolutely sucks. But it's okay. You and your system made it. (thinking about that always makes me feel like I'm part of a big family). It's okay to feel. Just please, for the love of goodness, stay. This world needs you. Your system needs you. Your future self needs you more than you know. Breathe. It's going to work out.

If you can live through the hard times once once; you can process it, you've survived hell, and it's your time to feel good again. Know there's evidence (you're still here!) that you're strong enough to live through it. You can process the pain and learn to feel joy again.

The more you find joy in the little things; listening to music, a sunwarmed cat, rainbows, warm bikkies [cookies], seeing a loved one, spending time outside, finishing a little task, craft, learning something new, the list goes on.. the easier it becomes to feel joy day to day.

It's going to be okay. You've already gone through the worst of it, and now you know you've got your system behind you, you're not alone (which is sometimes the issue XD!), but you've got this. Promise.

Sending hugs from NZ 💕🇳🇿

After being suicidal for a very long time, experiencing happiness can be… weird. It may feel foreign, strange, or jarring. You may feel ashamed for feeling joy in the face of your suffering. You many not know how to deal with positive emotions after drowning in sorrow for so long.

If your system is finding yourselves in this situation, we’d encourage you to just take a moment to breathe. You’re not wrong or bad for experiencing joy. Happiness does not have to negate your pain and it will not undo the suffering you’ve gone through. It may be hard relearning to experience joy, but it’s worth it, we promise.

The more you allow yourselves to feel your joy, the easier it will be to feel it again in the future. We truly hope that you will be able to experience happiness again and again and again, with such frequency and intensity that it becomes familiar and second nature to you. We hope your lives will soon be filled to the brim with delight, or at least with small moments of serendipity.

ok but legitimately i think the reason why kids aren’t taking internet safety seriously is because the people who are telling us not to put our personal information out seem so out of touch. no one acknowledges the possibility of meeting very real teenaged friends online, they always say that everyone you meet is a 40 year old white man in disguise. because they aren’t acknowledging things we know are true, it becomes a lot easier to dismiss the rest of what they’re saying as well. internet safety lessons absolutely must keep up with the times and acknowledge the internet’s capacity for good if you want kids to take to heart warnings about its capacity for bad.

Alright let’s run down why this trailer sucks.

First up… this is not how Minecraft terrain generation WORKS. I understand they’re trying to push the blocked aesthetic of the world, but this just looks like bad world edit creation with these massive block shapes making up the arch here.

This is not how trees in Minecraft look. They don’t have branches like that.

What is the crafting recipe here? A couple iron ingots and some sticks haphazardly placed on a crafting table make… what is that? Two buckets on a chain??? What the fuck item is that? Why isn’t it a familiar Minecraft item? Why is the recipe not important? Why does he say Jack Black’s panda Po’s catchphrase while crafting it?

THIS is the only accurate thing in the trailer so far. A tree floating and its component piece hovering in the middle. That’s accurate. Good job.

Why are we doing piglins invading? Why are they not zombifying in the sun? Why are they shown multiple times in broad daylight raiding villages when we have actual RAIDERS IN THE GAME we could be using instead?

Here’s the magical mcguffan. Probably how they get into the world and how they get out.

And finally the creeper. I know people like to assume the creeper is made of grass, but given the texture of the poster I have a feeling this is legitimately 100% how the creeper looks in movie too. It’s just… grass. Highly detailed dense grass.

That is not how I envision creepers.

There’s sooooo much wrong with this film I am BAFFLED at how bad it is. How do you get Minecraft THIS WRONG???

disabled system asks: 1-4, 10!

1. Is your disability invisible, visible or both?

Both: invisible in the way that there appears to be nothing outwardly wrong with us (as doctors kindly keep reminding me) but visible in the way that we use mobility aids almost all the time. We wear a sunflower lanyard in public, and use a mixture of a cane, crutches and a wheelchair depending on the day.

I wish to add, as someone who has looked able bodied, and disabled in various fonts.. people don’t treat disabled people better if they’re in a wheelchair or visibly ill, and some are arguably worse to young wheelchair users.

2. Do you use mobility aids? If so, what for?

We do! As said above. We have a mixture of issues (ranging from endometriosis to POTS to hEDS to fibromyalgia) that create.. well, a mixture of issues XD. We’ll use the wheelchair on bad pain and fatigue days and carry the crutches.. or, on better days, just use the crutches to take some pressure off our knees, and aid as balance. As cool as our cane looks (photos later), we stopped using it as it was giving us pretty severe hip pain on one side from the way we had to lean to get support from it (still my fav visually though).

3. Is there a specific alter/part/headmate who fronts to deal with pain? How do they manage it?

Yes, that would be me. I split when we were very young to deal with injury, particularly blood. As our chronic pain increased, so did the amount of time I spent fronting, until I slowly became our most common fronter. Sucks though, cuz that was never meant to be my job, I was supposed to stay sitting on the sidelines only appearing to deal with first aid and other protector things. Instead, I’m here, and somehow I make it everyone else’s problem.

My appearance as most common fronter got us outed as a system because I’m so drastically different from the common fronters of the time. {its a little more complicated than that but you get the idea}

I manage it with a combo of pain killers (including medicinal CBD, THC, and flower, pregabalin, panadol, ibuprofen, codeine and morphine amongst other things… happy to answer questions about any of them if you’re curious), dissociation, weaponised tears and sheer fucking willpower… I wish I could say sheer fucking will was still working, but it is not very well anymore. There’s only so much one can deal with, and our pain has been getting steadily worse for the past few years with very little support (most of our illnesses have no cure, only management). We’ve reached the point where our doctors and specialists aren’t sure what to do with us and are wondering if there’s something they have missed…but uh, our tests, bloods and results are coming back clean. Looking into that at the moment lol.

4. Do you experience pain variety based on who’s fronting?

Oh hell, do we ever. Certain members of the system *cough* Kyle *cough* have dreadful pain tolerances - I always know when one of them is cocon because our pain skyrockets into impossible levels, even if I’m trying to keep it under control. Certain other members of our sys have average pain tolerances, some age regress to cope, others just curl up in a ball and sob.. depends on the alter - and the cyclical nature of parts of our pain make it difficult to manage, and to recognise how each alter is affected. Plus, it’s hard to compare pain tolerances when each of us have no other/barely any frame of reference.

10. Do you decorate your aids?

YES. We use a combination of spray paint, cheap nail polish, stickers and in the case of the wheelchair, holders designed for prams and bikes (water bottle holder, clips, bells, reflective stripes etc).. aids start out super boring and for us, decorating them and making them prettier is the only way to make them tolerable. And political - if the government is going to make our life into a political ‘issue’, we will turn right back around and make them aware of our existence ;)

the pic doesn’t grasp it very well, but we painted the chair’s spokes rainbow (and they look super cool when we’re driving it)

Thanks to @disabled-systems for the game <33

💕Positivity prime time! Share five things you love about yourself, four things you're excited about, OR three people you care deeply about and why. Pass this along to someone whose posts make you smile💕

Ooooh thanks for sending this 🥺

Hmmm, I’m gonna go with four things I’m excited about

1. My papers next semester: I’m doing a double major in mental health applications and psychological science. I can’t wait to figure out what I’m going to study (timetabling hasn’t opened yet) and what kind of assessments we’re looking at for next year! We’ve been waiting for so long to start study - becoming a psych has been a dream of ours for close on a decade lol

2. A few shows, movies and books that are due out soon: Heartstopper s3, Arcane s2, The Wild Robot, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King has a single showing in one of my local cinema… the next book in Laura Greenwood’s the apprentice of Anubis series is due out really soon, and Beth Crowley’s first novel The Have Not and Onyx Storm (book 3 of Rebecca Yarrow’s Fourth Wing series) are coming out in early 2025.. so we’re very excited for all of those. Whoohooo, new media!!

3. We get to share the DID based design project online really soon! Once it’s formerly handed in we can share it on here for all of you to see - it’s been a year since we started it, and it’s taken so much control not to post full designs on here.. but here is something we did for fun in the meantime

4. And finally, we have our testosterone screening appointment in a couple weeks time! Only been waiting for 5 years lol.

what do you mean they missed

man for a country that loves its guns the lot of you cant aim for shit