95306 - Triage

Sin

I can see New York New York with it's fountain running sign from the bed where I lay dripping neon gold.

It is nearly silent, broken by irate horn blares and the occasional slamming door.

I'm 20 floors up in the air and hundreds of miles from home. Miles from pressure and control and responsibility, miles from reality.

Tonight, home will be his arms.

Things Said

I'm using you, you know that right?

And if he changes his mind, if if if he ever decides I'm worth it...

It's you in my body, but not you in my head, I want you to know that.

Hello

Funny how a single word can carve out your chest.

Safe

I've collapsed on top of him our hearts pounding, hair of head meshed with hair of face and I breath the word like I so often do

"mine"

but this time he answers the unspoken question riding the current of my voice-

"yes"

And we rest.

Interrupted

Sister comes over and I cry and I howl and I moan and I blow snot into a rag; and she is there, my rock while the hurricane surges around her.

I am calm when she leaves, still bruised still hollow but human again.

I wake to the gift she has left me, my shoes lined neatly and crisp against the wall, organization from the tumble in which I had left them.

And I laugh.