Falling For Him - Tumblr Posts

Eye of the Storm

I didn't do it. I couldn't. He doesn't give me happiness, he is not the fulcrum on which my joy rests, but he is peace. Everything about him is the polar opposite to my bipolar disaster, base neutralizing my caustic nature. I could not do it at all.

But Really?

Today, I think I may finally have started to believe that he actually wants me around.

Tempered

And he drove clear across town for no other reason than that I wanted a hug.

God, please don't let me fuck this up.

On Wednesdays

Sleep comes first this time, he is tired and it is warm. Still we lay wrapped round one another despite the muggy air; when I roll my back to him he throws his arm around me, when he stretches I thrust my hand behind his back for entrapment. And we doze, trusting in the curvatures of one another's bodies.

I wake first, patching in and out of hazy half dreams. Eyes open I watch the trees outside the window wavering with the hot gusts, eyes closed I watch disjointed and confusing images that do not disturb, but also do not settle.

Wednesday is my favorite day of the week.

Girl Talk

I told my sister

"He is so out of my league.

He could have any woman he wants, what in the hell is he doing with me?"

And sister said, with gleaming eyes-

"But don't you what to know what he said to me about you?"

Conscious Stream

We can go for weeks being superficial and then one or the other lets something deeper slip and there it is the connection that transcends sex and jokes and simple platitudes and it touches that part that scares me yet at the same time it's the part I've been looking for seeking to reclaim and then I don't hear from him for hours afterward like he felt it and was scared away too and dear God why can't this be simple, it feels good so why does it have to be so complicated?

AM

At 0400 the light creeping through the windows is grey, matches his bedding and his hair; but waking in his arms everything is infused with colors I don't even have names for.

Lithium

Sometimes the salt in my brain ebbs, leaving its grit on my tongue, my lips, my words;

and still he stays.

1K Kiss

With no hesitation he takes my hand and holds my waist and brushes my lips and here

now

in front of the milling crowd oblivious

now I finally believe that this is real.

Evening

He is natural, unconscious as he begins to wrestle with his dog, and it seems the most logical thing in the world to grab my camera and begin to shoot them here in uncensored joy.

Battle Fatigue

Irritability chews it's way around the edges of my mind, I am snappish and brittle, awake far too deep into the night.

I need him. I need to curl against him with limbs entangled like strangling vines. I need to get high on the male scent of his neck, heady and rich and uniquely him. I need I need I need

I need the soft rumble he makes in his throat when he is happy, a human purr. I need.

I need him.

Dust

I farted in front of him tonight;

and he peed with the door open.

I can't imagine a better evening.

Sin

I can see New York New York with it's fountain running sign from the bed where I lay dripping neon gold.

It is nearly silent, broken by irate horn blares and the occasional slamming door.

I'm 20 floors up in the air and hundreds of miles from home. Miles from pressure and control and responsibility, miles from reality.

Tonight, home will be his arms.

“Maybe love at first sight isn’t what we think it is. Maybe it’s recognising a soul we loved in a past life and falling in love with them again.” ― Kamand Kojouri