Tension

Tension

My uncle the Pedophile left today.

Every part of me is exhaling.

I'm devolving. Again.

About 15 minutes ago i was alone and crying in a bar. I think I'm going to do all of us a favour and take this sack of wacko home.

Here’s an idea:

(Sorry friends, this is an angry one)

Maybe you should fuck off trying to tell survivors how they should feel about their abusers.  Here’s a few reasons why: 

1. You don’t know shit about us or our stories.  

2. Your experience does not in any way dictate or predict the experiences of others.

3. Many survivors have been taught not to trust themselves. You are contributing to this problem with condescending advice that contradicts our instincts and mental health needs.

4.  The way we feel can change throughout the grieving/healing/recovery process. It’s confusing enough on its own; we don’t need your uninformed opinion further muddying the waters. We need to work this out.

5. Some of us can only move forward through forgiveness and reconciliation.  Some of us can only forge ahead fueled by our rage and hate.  Some of us fall somewhere in the middle.  These are all acceptable and reasonable.

6. Only we can decide what is best for us.  You do not know what is best for us.

His parents had a dog, and he was immeasurably sweet to her. In fact he was kinder to her than he ever was to me.

The paradox.

I say I’m a survivor but what piece of me survived? Who am I? How do I know I am who I’m meant to be if I can’t figure out which parts survived and which parts I’ve lost?

Cptsd fun.

i basically assume that people don’t like me unless they explicitly tell me they like me and then periodically remind me