Hopeless - Tumblr Posts
until when do i have to fake a smile when we all know i can't do it anymore?
FML! i never thought this day will come. it is so depressing and heart breaking. i feel so lonely and so weak. it seems like i spend my time everyday crying and zoning out. whenever i get a chance to laugh, i feel so guilty coz i know she isn't happy today. i try to not make my family worried about me. i try to smile, yes a fake smile, a smile without a meaning... but it is the best that i can offer to them as of now. i try my best to look happy in front of them. i try not to let a single drop of tear fall from my eyes... i guess it is working.
but what about when i am alone? when i am all by myself?
i still try to hold back my tear. i still try not let a muffle of cry escape from me. i try my hardest to be and to act strong even if no one is watching... even if i am all by myself... even if no one can hear me or see me.
right now, i am really scared. i don't want my worse fear to happen at all. i don't want to lose any of my loved ones. i don't want any of them to feel any pain. i don't want any of them to suffer. i am so scared of what tomorrow has to offer to me. if i can stop the time, i would definitely do it.
i can't always put on a fake smile. and tonight, i asked myself until when am i gonna put on this smile? i am on the point right now where i am so confused, so hopeless, so weak and ready to cry my heart out. but i can't. i can't coz i don't have any right to cry, to be weak and to feel relieved.
until when do i have to fake my smile?
Day68: i feel like i am going to make a meltdown any minute from now...
I am trying so hard not to cry right now. I feel so down but idk the real reason behind it. I wish you're here right now. Pakiramdam ko buhat ko ang mundo. At dahil wala ka na, mas mabuti pa sigurong mag give up na lang ako. Nakakapagod na ang mapagod. I know it is my fault din. But thinking about what can happen is putting a lot of pressure on me. Yung expectations nila. Yung personal goal ko. Yung weakness ko. School. Lahat na lang pinapahirapan ako. Kaya ko pa ba? Natatakot akong magfail. Natatakot akong baka sisihin nila ako. Ano pa ba ang saysay ng mga ginagawa ko? Para kanino pa ba ang lahat ng ito kung huli na ang lahat? Can i have a hug from you? Kausapin mo naman ako oh. Kahit ngayon lang, kahit sa panaginip lang. Walang walang pag-asa na talaga ako. Natatakot at naiinis na ako! Sabihin mo naman sa akin na kaya ko pa. Please help me overcome this stress. Please help me find the strength and will to succeed. Umpe, let me know why i should continue living... Why i still have to do this... Guide me kung saan ako dapat lumugar at ano ang tamang decision na dapat kong gawin. Umpe, miss na miss na kita. I love you so much. Always amd forever...
If only I can express my feelings in a way you will understand me... *sigh* I feel so pathetic for acting up like this all the time coz I know you'll never set your eyes on me... I guess I just have to accept that you'll never be mine.
what if i wrote poems until you fell in love or i lost hope?
“ - I’m fine. - That’s crap. Keeping everything you’re going through inside, shutting out the people who love you. That’s not dealing, that’s hiding. You and I, we don’t have the luxury of ignoring our emotions, hoping they’ll just go away. That bites people like us in the ass. The only way you’re gonna get through this is to let yourself feel every heartbreaking, gut-wrenching part of it. ”
— Private Practice
“ Because you two have something that i want ; Love. Built on mutual respect, that grows over time. ”
– Legacies
Doing a rewatch of Doctor Who and falling in love with the Doctor all over again.
I hate when people say to just go make friends. I've been trying that for the majority of my life. In just an easy to hate person even though I try my best to be likeable
SEWN SHUT
the gif maybe confusing but once you think about it for more than 43min and 26sec if starts to make sense.
Has anyone else ever had that feeling, that thing where your listening to a swell in the music or reading a certain angsty part of a book or watching this gut wrenching, climax building moment of a movie or television show and suddenly you just get this overwhelming tidal wave of emotions and and sense of yearning and longing for something that’s far beyond your control and you end up with tears in your eyes because you know there’s so much more for you out there but unlike the fictional characters you cling to, you have no way of finding that kind of all consuming purpose?
Cause like...I think about this a lot.
