Humiliation In Parts - Part One

Humiliation in parts - Part One

TW - reference to a sexual act under the cut.  Also, just... way too much information about me.  There is a lot of things I won’t be tagging here.

In the thirteen years he and I were together I think I can count on one hand, maybe two, the number of times he performed oral.  Yeah.  And when he did it wasn’t exactly ‘enthusiastic.’  He tinkered just enough to make us both uncomfortable, and give him the gall to say say “but what about that Tuesday last month?” when he was making some unrealistic demand.

I never pressured him to do it, hell, I didn’t even ask for it. I wouldn’t want him to do something he had an aversion to (though I’m sure we could speculate why he didn’t want to do it).  However he ensured that it was never something I actually wanted or asked for.

Humiliation in parts - Part Three

TW - named body parts, reference to sexual act.  Too much personal information.  Not enough tagging.  Or something.

On top of my smell, he got on my case about how hairless my vulva was.  If he noticed there was a hair left he would draw attention to it and try to imply that I did not know what I was doing.  

He hated razor bumps or ingrown hairs.  He’d point them out.  He would be grossed out.   He would be turned off. He would stop whatever it was that we were doing so I could “go fix it.”  

He’d regularly ‘inspect’ me before he would proceed with any sort of sex act .  I don’t mean looking at me hungrily, lovingly or longingly,  I mean basically giving me a pelvic exam.  Sometimes I couldn’t even find whatever it was that he was complaining about; I think he was just trying to make me uncomfortable.

If there was any grooming out of place I’d never hear the end of it.

I bet she was asking for it.

I mean, you can totally tell it's what she actually wanted. Her mouth was saying no, but the bruises on her skin where he grabbed her and held her against her will were saying yes.

Seriously @staff - why do i have to keep doing this?

I am a survivor of domestic violence. I am a survivor of sexual violence. I have said " let go of me" and been ignored. Stop showing me abuse and calling it sexy.

I really miss sharing body heat.

“But you seem so put together.”

I’m not going to lie.  When I tell people that mentally I am a pile of disaster, there are plenty who are shocked.

It makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time.  You all get to see that I am actually a human puddle, and not at all put together - so I laugh.

But it also puts more pressure on me to keep up the facade, because apparently it’s working.  And that is just exhausting.

I've just impulsively installed Tinder. Someone talk me out of this.