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^^^

(probably the last post imma make about this since I don't wanna attract attention from them)

hey jirais please block @foulanddead and @reyinblack , they're likely the ones reporting the community. it's not confirmed and if they are they might not be the only ones, but it's better safe than sorry.

WHOOPS I ACCIDENTALLY REBLOGGED THIS TO MY MAIN LMAO

I have like only three moods:

1) I’m god

2) I’m a failure

3) I’m horny

I just want to give up I’m tired from the bottom of my fucking soul like I don’t want to do this shit anymore like let me rest please I’ve had enough

It hurts.

It hurts so much.

I need someone, anyone, to love me.

Being unlovable hurts.

It's the pain of knowing that noone can ever love me the way I love them.

To love the way I do is to burn and scratch open my skin just to try and show you a part of me.

It's to always wait for something.

10/7/2024

So, i went to my first iop appointment today, and let's just say that I think that not only did I learn nothing, but everyone fucking hates me.

We only did like one psych-ed thing (basically the part of the therapy where you actually learn shit), and I didn't even learn that much from it either. The teacher was just boring as shit and it made it extremely difficult to engage in anything. (And luckily we didn't have to do much, all we had to do was just write shit down on the assignment)

And then we have the other issue of me getting completely blown off and ignored and I'm just sitting there like "are they mad at me? Did I do something wrong?? " AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SHARE ANYTHING DURING THE PROCESSING TIME EITHER WHICH IS FUCKED UP. (Processing is basically where we get to talk about what's been going on with our lives n shit. It's confusing, I know)

Literally, someone was sharing that they feel like everyone hates them and is secretly making fun of them n shit, and I related to that, so I raised my hand (because I didn't want to interrupt them since that's just rude), and everyone fucking blew me off.

So I literally had to sit there in a puddle of my own thoughts and force myself to keep quiet, which genuinely pisses me off honestly because everyone was acting like I didn't even exist and it feels like that they hate me already, EVEN THOUGH I'VE ONLY BEEN THERE FOR ONE DAY.

Maybe it was because I didn't try to talk to anyone? God neurotypicals are just really into this whole "ignoring people on purpose" thing.

Anyway, gonna talk to my therapist about it once I post this. I just really hope this is just a one-time thing and then I can do therapy without any issues.