Bpd Tag - Tumblr Posts

𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫

bpd is not knowing if you’re a good person or if you’re a bad person and you’re just gaslighting yourself to believe you’re a good person.

wow it’s like i was born to be betrayed by my most closest confidants. neato.

Sometimes it is my fault sometimes I am a horrible person

THIS. ENTIRE. FUCKING. POST. ALL THE WAY.

And what's worse is when someone who's been deemed as a horrible person by the rest of society becomes your fp, it makes you lose more of your friends, it makes you split from people more frequently, it completely dysregulates you when you see people talk shit about them, and it's fucking hell.

And oh good lord, the popular FPs have to be the WORST!

I can't get a single bit of attention from either of my FPs because they have such a massive following that I'm completely miniscule to them, and it drives me fucking insane to the point I am willing to threaten to kill myself to them just for a glimpse of that attention.

And when they DO give you that attention, It gives you this heavy and sensatiable euphoria that feels so good.... For like 5 minutes. AND IT NEVER FEELS ENOUGH EITHER, WHICH IS FUCKED UP.

I hate how people forget how INTENSE our feelings can be and how far we're willing to go just for some basic love and attention, and I hate how we get treated like shit for it too.

Being abandoned by the people you love feels like death, and getting attached to someone feels like being reborn.

bpd is actually so crazy i cannot tell you how genuinely intense everything feels.

i get so, so upset during episodes over the smallest of things. it isnt just "oh im sad" either its fucking cutting myself, wanting to die, hyperventilating and begging and pleading and making a plan to kill myself because what im feeling genuinely seems like the end of the world. theres a void inside of me that can only be filled by a love so intense that it drives me to insanity. i will overeat, spend unnecessarily, hurt myself, cling and depend on people who give me the slightest bit of attention, send suggestive things of myself to others, and put myself in dangerous situations just to feel something. that void can only ever be truly filled by an fp. without one, i feel so, so empty. i truly feel like im nothing without them. their whole existence, getting to see and talk to them everyday, getting to be with them, is the whole reason that i continue to survive. the moment theyre gone, even for five minutes, its back to nothingness. i cannot feel without them, i physically cannot bring myself to. but having a fp is so, so painful. their mood determines mine. how they treat me will determine how i feel. everyone else compared to them feels miniscule and unimportant. i could be seriously harmed by another person or admired by another person and it wouldnt matter, because the only person whos opinion of me matters is my fp. i would cut off all of my friends just to be with them and them only. i would do anything to stay with them. and when they leave, you have to understand that my whole purpose has been torn away from me. my whole reason for continuing to live gets fucking ripped away from me. and when they ignore me? i put myself in dangerous situations, i hurt myself, just so theyll come and find me and save me, take care of me, feel bad for me. i try to make them feel the same pain they make me feel by ignoring them, purposely triggering them, trying to get back at them. i hate them, because what could be more important to you than me? i put you above all else, why cant you do the same? nobody else, nothing else, should be more important or as important than me, because thats how i feel about you. and fuck, it hurts so bad knowing my partners will never feel as intensely for me as i will for them, unless im their fp. it hurts knowing that theyll truly never feel the same level of obsession and want for me that i feel for them. that theyll never be able to fully return those feelings. but its so hard being mutual fps with someone. it drives you insane. it can lead to horrid situations.

bpd is so, so hard. i hate this disorder.