Bpd Meme - Tumblr Posts

Oh yeah? You love me? Name three substances I abuse

What doesn't kill you makes you weird at intimacy

Created a GOLD BPD meme.

You know that TikTok that goes ‘I do this bullshit like eight times a week’? Yeah that’s my mood swings and it’s in a ✨d a y✨

God I don’t want to go to this volunteering. I should have backed out last week and yet I stayed for some insane reason and now I have to get up at FIVE AM WHEN I HAVEN’T FUCKING SLEPT AT ALL.

For context: its 4:53 am.

All I want to do is get so drunk I don’t remember anything at all. Is that so bad??

Is it just me who literally cANNOT DRINK SOCIALLY??

Like. If I’m drinking it’s to the point where the hangover is the worst, and that I’m numb to the world. I don’t know how to have ‘just one drink’. It’s either I can’t feel anything but blissful numbness or nothing at all.

And at the moment, it’s becoming more obvious that I’d literally rather starve than not drink.

So I lasted maybe five days without drinking?? Personal best since I started drinking lmao, ngl. I’m just. I’m so fucking tired, and I want to die but I don’t and I feel everything and yet nothing at all and like can someone tell me what to do about them feelings? I’m so fucking terrified bc of it and idk what to do but I never wanted alcoholism as my fucking coping mechanism, especially because that’s what my mother fucking died of??

I lasted well, I suppose, in the grand scheme of things. I didn’t drink until like?? A year ago maybe?? But then the pandemic happened and this was my only way to cope and now I’m literally budgeting alcohol weekly, and I am so fucking terrified that I’m becoming my mother who was literally emotionally, and, hell, sometimes a lot of the time physically, abusive.

So we just had the housing guy come round bc of something, and then the staff basically asked him to ask me to go into my room because I haven’t let them in today —which, okay, my bad but also, I’m AUTISTIC?! I need a fucking warning, and they didn’t give me one and they said oh we didn’t think you needed one and then I proceeded to cry in front of the guy because I got overwhelmed and I just. GAH.

Like yes my room is a mess. I know that. I can fucking see that! But I am working on it for fucks sake. I am currently in one of my lows and it’s making me want to fucking die and he doesn’t understand that and neither do they and I just. I am crying as I type and I hate it. I want to die or get drunk to the point of being hospitalised because at least then they’d see how bad I’ve gotten because if they have seen they sure as shit haven’t SAID ANYTHING.

And I just. I’m 23 and I hate being alive. I have hated being alive since I was a child. I literally spent most of my life wanting to be dead. I thought I’d be dead by now. And so here I am, no fucking clue on how to live, and unfortunately still alive. And I don’t need bullshit people told me about ‘oh it gets better’ IVE BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE I WAS FUCKING FIVE. I WANTED TO DIE AT FIVE.

And I’m 23 now. That’s 18 years of wanting to die. Nearly two decades and yet people go ‘oh it’ll get better’. Fuck that bullshit. It hasn’t in nearly two decades. It hasn’t since the day I felt like I died when I was a child and it probably never fucking will. So don’t give me some bullshit platitude that doesn’t mean shit.

You know that TikTok that goes ‘I do this bullshit like eight times a week’? Yeah that’s my mood swings and it’s in a ✨d a y✨

12: 25 am thought:

I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. Im not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored. I’m not hungry, I’m just bored.

im so fr unlovable but at least i got a cute butt

I dont think id ever be a good mother

Id try but still fuck up

the worst part about healing that they never tell you is that when you become an adult you are responsible for being the parent you never had

maybe in another universe, I can ask for help when I need it.

Omw to go cut everyone off and self isolate :3

nobody will understand how badly it hurts when you wither everything you touch and lay waste wherever you step.

wow it’s like i was born to be betrayed by my most closest confidants. neato.

Sometimes it is my fault sometimes I am a horrible person

I need a big red circle and arrow around me that says “sensitive. will cry” like some sort of shitty clickbait YouTube video