Tw Rather Graphic Sui Vent
tw rather graphic sui vent
i want to fucking kill myself
dig blades into my arms
feel the blades deep into my flesh
i want blood streaming down my arms
fire dancing over my skin
rivulets of blood carving rivers into my flesh
i want to feel my consciousness fade out into the dark abyss of nothing
be free from this stupid fucking shitty meat suit
be released from the shackles of existence
life is an infinite monotonous gray canvas
i want to splatter it with crimson and finally break out of this stupid cage
i deserve pain and suffering and eternal punishment
death would be merciful
i want to split open my limbs
carve into my bones
leave giant bleeding gashes in my stupid fucking body
carve out chunks of flesh
watch as i fall apart into pieces
i want to throw myself into a fire
watch as my skin shrivels into darkness
feel the burning agony pierce deep into the core of my very being
i want to stab myself and dig chunks out of my flesh
watch as my organs start hanging out of my body and entrails collect on the ground
i want to gouge my eyes out until all i see is red and then black
i want to feel like my entire world is agony and nothing more
reduce my existence to a single blazing spear of fire
tunnel vision into white hot embers
i want to throw myself off a skyscraper
feel the wind grasp at me
the endless freedom of falling
the explosion of agony
the shattering of my being
split myself into tiny shards
watch as the scales of my fate tip and plummet into the abyss
watch as it shatters into a million fragments of broken futures
i want to feel the thrill of control
the feeling of my spirit flooding my limbs
i want to stop being a puppet pulled by golden strings controlled by the cruel mistresses of destiny
i want to be able to sever the threads of my life
split them with a slash of a blade
i want to slice my limbs into paper thin slices
see the twitching muscle
blood pulsing out a pool of crimson slowly growing
i want to drive nails into my hands and feet
shove a spear into my side
feel blood dripping down my skin
hang as a violent mockery
i want to embed a blade into my skin
lift it up
watch as my skin peels off
i want to just lie down in a bathtub
rest my head against the cold porcelain
lift a blade to my wrist
feel it bite into my flesh
and just
slash
watch as it splits and opens
watch as the blood starts pulsing out
feel my mind start to float away and finally find peace peace peace
i want to tie a cloth around my throat and twist the tourniquet as it tightens and tightens and tightens
as my body feels light and hazy and i feel my pulse throbbing over my whole body as a final desperate attempt to survive but it fails and everything fades into black darkness
thats what true beauty is
the perfect serenity of death and nonexistence
i want to tie a noose and tie it to a hook
put my head in
feel it constraining my throat and just kneel and let myself hang
start floating away as i feel lighter and lighter and i slip into the empty void of nonexistence into true freedom
away from this life away from all pain away from everything in existence
the concept of existence itself is flawed the dichonomy of existence and nonexistence is inherently asymmetrical
to not exist is to never feel pain
i want to make my way up many flights of stairs
go onto the roof and see the sky stretching above me
feel the wind against my skin
lean against the railing
aware of the fragility of my existence
one simple tipping moment as i plummet into an explosion of nothingness
let me die and be freed from this prison of monotony
everything is in patterns and routines
i am trapped on this train hurtling towards jagged shards of reality
let me make my own story
jump off the train into the dark welcoming abyss
let me die
let me die
let me die
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