Your Broken Angel

Your Broken Angel

My wings get broken too;

I can’t fly.

But I wanna be there

To hold you when you cry;

Drink your tears;

Wipe them dry.

Until I wither away;

A disintegrating shadow.

In the labyrinth I hear the echo

Of your screams.

So I’m here

Always, your broken angel.

-Stormykatie

I will euthanize my heart tonight for it keeps screaming your name even though our time has ended. With every anguished beat, it tries to breathe you to the stars; with every broken piece, it tries to replot the constellations.

I am not against it trying to resurrect a dead love but I think it has gotten too much for a sacrifice. In every effort it exerts to win you back, you thrust the dagger deeper, severing it. And the blood that gushes from wounds that refuse to heal is the only proof that it is still fighting.

The wounds are always deeper, the sacrifice, a way too much. But your love is a shallow river. Shallow but it drowned my heart in empty words. I struggled to reach the surface but you pushed me below to meet my doom.

It pains me. Oh it pains me to see my heart staggers as it reaches for your hands that are no longer there. When will it choose to heal? When will it choose to forget you? When will it choose to wake up to the truth that your kiss is a poison, the deadliest in the universe?

I hate to do this. I will forever resent my soul for this plan. But my heart, it needs to rest now as it grows weaker with each passing minute. It spent a lifetime holding you. You gave it a taste of a sunshine but I can't bring myself to say you're worth all the love. Maybe you're not.

So I will end everything tonight. Lawful or not, I feel the necessity of doing it. My heart suffered long enough. And as I lay it to rest, I hope my tears will flow farther than the stream of thoughts it used to run with you, when the sky is bluer than the blues clouding my mind as I whispered my last farewell to my lionheart.

I hope you will be glad.

(Euthanize my heart)

Katie, 23:45

Then and there I died

Shattered in million pieces

Without bleeding hard

-Katie, 02:03

Like the snow and the raindrop, my heart does what it does best:

It falls!

Katie, 06:15

Love me on ordinary days. When the sky is grey and I am silent in a corner, trying hard not to cry. It may not be the best sight to behold in a day. But it is when I need your arms the most. So pull me closer, lock me into that warm embrace. Not because it's my birthday or the wind feels insanely cold like December. But because I am breaking in a rapid avalanche. All the emotions bottled are finding their way out. And my heart, though it beats weakly, it is full of hope that the grey sky will turn bright again. And we can lie on our backs to watch the stars again. Love me when I can't even have faith with the fading hues. Be here with me. Hold me as I weep because your touch makes everything feels easier. Your hands can lift my burden like a feather. I don't know how you do that. And it enthralls me that you feel like my silver lining. My blue sky. My home.

Love me on ordinary days. When bouquet of Roses become cliché and the world only showers affection on Valentine's Day. For even sweet nothings are slowly fading as people have grown weary of love songs. It's getting cold. Hearts are slowly turning into steel. And I am painfully dying inside. Look me in the eye for your gaze melts the ice engulfing my soul. Making me bereft of feelings. Making me neglect the essence of standing here with you, watching the bustling metropolis throbs with life and dreams and thousand promises.

Love me on ordinary days. When my hideous smile tries to hide the lies and the grief that comes after an awkward goodbye. And all my fragile sighs, those sounds I make in the dark. They give away my inhibitions. They crack my protective shell so that I am expose with my stark nudity. In those moments I try to elope with negativity, catch me. Don't hesitate to hold me. I may be as stubborn as hell but I will listen to your voice. For you always silence me like no one could. You always stop me from running scared. You. My safe haven. So call my name and I will hear you over the cacophony.

Love me on ordinary days. Listen to the fragile sounds of my heart shattering. Know that as it breaks into pieces, into thousand shrieking wishes, it bears your name. Pick me up piece after piece. Scope me in your arms and make me whole again. Expunge those howling sounds that make me fragile as a glass. And make me believe in happy endings. Restore my faith again. Make me the child who believes in promises again.

Love me on ordinary days. Under the grey sky, against the storm and the pouring rain. Love me. I could not ask for anything more appropriate. Just love me.

-Love me on ordinary days (Fragile sounds)

Katie, 02:00 AM

Someday, you will fall in love. And it's not going to be the feeling you've grown accustomed to. Those years filled with wild butterflies? Bouquet of roses? Spark in the eyes? All sweet nothings that send you to cloud nine? No, it's not going to be that. Your next love story will be a mess. A total mess. As if a tornado has passed and disarranged everything in your life. And you will begin to question all that you ever believed in.  You will begin to weigh what's worth your time and what's not. But you will be strong. This kind of love will make you strong. It will cause you to scream at the top of your lungs in the middle of the night when you have nothing left to give. It will make you doubt every promise that has ever said in the name of passion or commitment. You will uncover lies under beautiful flashes of skin and smiling faces that look like a dream. It will make you cringe against a gust of wind coming from an open window. It will make you bleed. But it won't leave you weak. It will make you strong. And you will appreciate it more than anything in this world. The moment this kind of love finds its way to your heart, you will be the bravest woman ever lived. All because you will be able to handle it.

-Not your usual love,

Katie, 18:00