@littlest-meerkat

@littlest-meerkat

I catch the first drop of rain on my palm and imagine how much you waited for it. You told me you wanna fall in love before the first rain of November. It's been raining for weeks now, my love. And every drop reminds me of the reasons why you had to wait for this season, to fall in love. And though I exhaust my wit trying to get the wisdom behind it, I don't understand. I can't understand. Why did you wait? And why did the rain come too late? Too late for you to feel it glide on you face. Too late for you to catch it on your palm. You know, sometimes I try to question Cupid. Why? Why you? Why me? Why in the universe did we have to wait? If he has a conscience, why did he allow us to wait this long? Now you're gone and the sky just won't stop raining. And I still don't get it. My world may be flooded soon and I will still be here trying to unravel the wisdom behind the course of waiting you chose to thread when you could have just fell in love with me. I wish I could have just ignored your "first rain fantasy" and fell in love with you while I had the chance.

-Waited for the first rain to fall in love

Katie, 24:30

I hope when days turn into series of relentless storms and you feel like you cannot love yourself anymore, you will remember that I wounded myself in picking your screaming pieces from the dumps; bled to death in attempting to make you whole. I hope you will find a way to be strong. That you will learn to swim through the quagmire of negativities drowning you.

Don't give up on yourself just like that. I've endured pains of varying degrees to see that lips curve into a smile again. Do me this one favor. In the name of my love, survive!

Love, survive

Katie, 16:00

Heart, I failed you again.

I'm sorry you broke again. And this time, I don't know if I can ever make you whole again. For you didn't just shatter into pieces. You've been burned into ashes. Unless, you're a Phoenix, there's no way I can revive you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I led you into an open combat. I'm sorry I didn't listen to your screams. I'm sorry I didn't trust you when you said we're walking into a trap. I thought you can manage. For heart, you've always managed. You've always been so strong. I counted so much on that. Even when you're losing it all, I didn't let you retreat.

I'm sorry.

It was all my fault. I led you into a battle we cannot win. I'm so sorry. I just thought he's worth it. That he's different. Now your ashes scattered about the ground say it all.

Heart, I'm sorry. I truly am.

Not a Phoenix,

Katie, 21:45

I don't wanna close my eyes when we kiss. For even the briefest moment of not seeing your face makes me miss you,

So much...

Katie, 24:00

First of all, I would like to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I'm running away again. I'm running away like I'm ruthlessly slapped by the hand of rationality. Yes, you're sweet and romantic but I deserve so much more than the illusion you're trying to paint in my head with words I've grown accustomed to. Such sweet words that do not possess a life of their own, bereft of the possibility of future realization. Somehow, they're just fragments of a promise, a hushed sound of uncertainty but were nevertheless uttered to feed the speaker's fancy. I'm yet to fall into such a romantic machination coming with the love bug crawling over my blanket. You have the audacity to say you love me but that's all. I've been waiting for the things that you will do to make me feel that that love is real and you're feeling it with every breath that you take.

Love, love isn't just words you can say. It isn't just something I can believe in a dazed mind. It's so much more. It's a commitment that binds people for eternity. A sacred vow to hold two hearts together. It's not a game ought to be played. Not a fire that can easily be extinguished by tanks of water. It's not pupils dilating or tongues sprinkled with deathly dose of fructose, or a vision of the moon getting bigger in a glance. It's a chance, a one in a million chance. A risk someone has to take willingly for no reason at all. And ours are just words you managed to weave to fill the vast spaces between us. Words I can't simply take for they lack justification. And words without justification are merely claims, pieces of alleged information that lack merit. You're sweet and gentle and kind. But deadly. Deadly because you make me wanna fall without any assurance as to where I stand in your life. What am I to you to begin with? Just a girl you can show to everyone like a trophy? Someone who walks and sits beside you so you won't be alone in a crowd? You haven't defined the role I am playing. But I am playing it anyhow, though I am always scared of breaking my heart yet again. So before this gets deeper, I have to run away.

I'm sorry.

-Undefined,

Katie, 21:00

Do you know where your faith lies?

If it's on things, luck or men, honey you're on your way to fail. Put your faith not on things that don't last, not on luck that is elusive, not on men who come and go as they please.

Put it on yourself. You alone can make a difference in your life. You alone can paint back the rays of sunshine in your eyes. Have faith in you, in yourself. Only then that you'll feel the winds of fortune blow in your favor.

Of faith,

Katie, 12:00