Bad Jokes - Tumblr Posts - Page 2
“They’re dancing around their feelings!”
once this song finishes playing you can chose the next one don’t worry
This joke is a bit outdated, might fly over some people’s head.
What is the difference between science and religion?...
Science builds planes and skyscrapers, religion brings them together.
*clears throat* Umm actually you can't steal my gender it's against the genderneva convention fuck you
Possibly the oldest “Yo Mama” joke was found on an ancient Babylonian tablet from 3,500 years ago
The tablet was excavated in 1976 by archeologist J.J. van Dijk in present day Iraq. It contained many other jokes and riddles written by an ancient Babylonian student, however The “Yo Mama” joke was the most interesting find. The full joke has been lost to history, however this fragment remains:
“…of your mother is by the one who has intercourse with her. What/who is it?”
Four people are working together to fix a small table. While the two more savvy ones are fitting pieces together, people A and B are off to the side.
A looks at B, holding up a small L-shaped bit of metal,
“Is it called an Allen Wrench or an Allen Key?”
After a moment of thought, B takes the tool with a smile,
“Al-envestigate!”
Then they turn to the other two, who are currently struggling to attach pieces. B waves for their attention, then holds out the tool,
“Here! I don’t mean to throw a wrench in your plans— key-p going!”
They both laugh. Unsatisfied, A jumps in,
“I don’t get it. What’s the joke?”
The answers are simultaneous:
“Get it? Wrench?”
“Get it? Key?”
The two (C and D respectively) pause and look at one another in confusion.
“Key?” “Wrench?”
“This is thoroughly unhelpful!”
A buries their face in their hands and groans in frustration. B pats their shoulder.
“Don’t worry. Allend this. Guys, which is it, Wrench or Key?”
“Well it doesn’t look like a key!”
“Well it doesn’t look like a wrench!”
A stands, knocks over the table in frustration, and leaves the room with a final shout,
“I can’t stand you people!”
C and D shrug.
“Well, sure looks like they can stand.”
“I don’t under-stand the problem.”
B laughs with them,
“Eh, they were always a little uns-table.”
I got a joke for ya'll
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile
Not Sherlock Holmes related, but ... here is the label I doodled for the beer that the Chap brewed.
The beer is very tasty, though somewhat liable to explode in the middle of the night.
I’m disappointed. They completely failed this pun.
Titanic would've been so much better if those musicians were blasting The Final Countdown on kazoos
What do birds do when they don’t have a plan?
They just wing it
Why did Jason impersonate Nightwing to patrol in Bludhaven ?
He was just trying to be a dick
Garlic is a town in Italy. This is because garlic was actually imported by aliens into the town of Garlic, who used the garlic to make garlic bread. The aliens are also collectively known as the Garlic. My name is also Garlic by strange coincidence. There’s a ritual I often take where once a year I will go to Garlic from some garlic bread. I call this ritual Garlic.
So I, Garlic, garlic to Garlic to purchase Garlic-Garlic garlic bread, with extra garlic, as both the Garlic and the Garlic could use the extra funds to trade their Garlic-Garlic garlic bread..
kind of random, but i was looking through a book i had filled with puns, written in 1939. they are certainly not up to date with modern humour, but here are some that made a little bit of sense:
"Why are pens, ink, and paper, like fixed stars?" "They are stationary."
"When is a window like a star?" "When it's a sky- light."
"Why are bookshops always tall buildings?" "Because they contain thousands of stories."
"When is a theatrical manager like an astronomer?" "When he discovers a new 'star'."
"What tune can be made out of banknotes?" "A fort-une."
"Which is the strongest day in the week?" "Sunday, because all the rest are week-days."
"Why is the interior of a theatre ever a sorry sight?" "Because the boxes are always in tiers."
"What were the colours of the wind and waves in the last storm at sea?" "The wind blew and the waves rose."
"Why is a violin like a bank?" "Because it gives out notes."
"Can February March?" "No, but April May."
And the worst of these:
"Why are blind men like Plato, Socrates, and Seneca?" "Because they feel-loss-of-eyes (philosophize)"
America's favorite variant martini, the William Gibson
Yen : Tissaia just come see this !!
Tissaia : What is it.
Yen : (demonstrates) I have my suitcase -
Tissaia : (sigh) Yes..
(slides blanket over suitcase)
Yen : I have my blanket -
Tissaia : I don't have time for your jokes-
Yen : I rest my case. 😎
(Tissaia pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs )
What's the name of the guy, who's really good at politely rejecting things?
Noah Hanks
what organization do you call, when someone talks on and on and violates the vibe?
o,sha-t up
I should have caught on to Chiaki being an ai sooner, you can't spell Chiaki without ai!