Conclusion - Tumblr Posts
“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.”
Ecclesiastes 12:13
His parents had a dog, and he was immeasurably sweet to her. In fact he was kinder to her than he ever was to me.
Coming to this conclusion filled me with a bit of relief, but also immeasurable sadness.
I haven't felt this lonely in a while.
This is a boring post. You’ve been warned.
I think I’ve decided not to pursue a romantic relationship with the girl I was considering recently.
I like her as a person and i would (genuinely) like to be her friend. I am having dinner with her and two mutual friends this week, and I’m looking forward to it .
I just…. Really need a more confident partner. Someone more sure of themselves. Someone who can give me assurance and encouragement when I’m trying to be brave. I feel like between the two of us, I am the bolder one, and that does not give me confidence is a good ‘us.’
Let’s be honest, I can fake it pretty decent, and the genuine stuff does come sporadically, but I can’t maintain confidence sufficiently for myself let alone for two of us.
We didn’t even get far enough for us to have to have conversation about 'not pursuing’. We were leagues away from that. I don’t know how that could possibly feel more awkward than if we were both more invested. But I’m feeling weird about it.
Anyways - being choosy about my other half and identifying ’ must have’ qualities is progress enough for tonight.
🌠✨
Falling Star by Witold Pruszkowski (1884)
Daniel Arsham & Hajime Sorayama Sculpture: Holding Hands (2019)
Fuego (relato corto) por Ang Deorum
Ha sido una noche larga, la luz de la luna se ha esfumado como una exhalación en medio del campo. La taza humeante entre mis manos me dice que las historias que dejé de contarle, se harán realidad cuando la última estrella deje de brillar en el cielo y el horizonte se pinte de vino tinto o violeta.
¿Qué pasará cuando mis párpados se cierren y deje de soñarle? Él siempre ha estado a mi lado cuando las nubes han oscurecido y mis pies se han fatigado. Él siempre ha estado conmigo cuando las gotas de agua salada de mis ojos se ha secado, y el dolor de mi pecho ha callado.
El mal sabor del té de hierbas me reseca los labios; pienso en lo que va a pasar y siento que no podré explicarlo. Esta tarde lo vi, con su traje de gala y su mejor sombrero. Sonreía con vasta serenidad y sus ojos le robaban la luz al sol.
Me sentí como la peor de las personas, pues cuando besó mis labios al despedirse, el ácido de mi resentimiento se filtró en su lengua, infectando sus venas. Sentenciándolo a una lenta y dolorosa muerte que rompería como las olas contra las rocas en una tarde de marea alta.
Bebo un sorbo de mi té de hierbas, y aprieto los labios. Quema; tal como debe quemar el sabor de la venganza en medio del limbo, donde no estás totalmente a oscuras, pero cuando la luz aún no aparece.
Otro sorbo de té, y la taza ahora solo alberga el calor de lo que una vez estuvo lleno de energía, energía que al desvanecerse, solo deja un cuerpo vacío, un recipiente bien estructurado, pero inútil.
Una bola infernal se eleva en el horizonte, empapando el oscuro sendero del alba con un tono naranja rojizo lleno de esquirlas humanas y materiales. ¿Acaso los humanos no somos materiales? Materiales que se desintegran aplicando leyes que nosotros mismos hemos creado.
La estructura en donde me encuentro, se sacude llena de pánico, consciente de que una horda de personajes lúgubres y curiosos, llenos de preguntas y acusaciones-¡Vaya que sí! ¡Sus acusaciones son las mejores!-podría llegar en cualquier momento y sacarme con las manos en la espalda. No lloraría por la pérdida de mi marido, no lamentaría la pérdida de mi hijo mayor, solo me aquejaría el no poder volver a ver la sonrisa de mi pequeño, ese de rulos y hoyuelos que corre a mis brazos cada vez que puede, cada vez que quiere. Ellos, los integrantes de la muchedumbre, me condenarían sin darme derecho a alzar una sola palabra a través de las paredes de aquella asfixiante casa de madera llena de recuerdos creados por dos individuos que pronto acabarían con la paz de mi alma, llevándome a este momento, a esta decisión.
Recorro los pasillos por última vez para llevarme al limbo, al cielo o al infierno, la imagen de la misma casa que un día vi llena de luz, ahora manchada de oscuridad y miedo. Temor y odio. ¿Cómo alguien puede mantenerte en el aire por tanto con tantas mentiras y después dejarte caer sin el mínimo atisbo de compasión?
Tomo un trozo de papel y una pluma: «Quien sufre en silencio, se llena de cicatrices. Heridas no curadas cuya sangre no derramada se acumula y le engulle, con el sabor del óxido y la sal, dejándote con ganas de más. Te acostumbras a saborear tu propio dolor, y llega el momento en el que quieres saborear el de otros.»
No hay miedo ni remordimiento en mi interior. El reloj de la sala bajo las escaleras suena su última campanada y cierro los ojos. ¿Hay una vida después de esta? No lo sé, pero si la hay, no creo tener derecho a vivirla.
Lo último que siento, es lo que ellos sintieron: fuego. Fuego en mi piel y en mi alma. Fuego que devora sin compasión todos los pecados y las faltas.
AT THE PARTY JA DE CHEERS CHEERS CHEERS CHEERS
[Start ID. A drawing of two scavengers from Rain World, one labelled Sanic and the other one Shrek. Sanic's fur is light brown, with darker extremities, a messy row of pale green spines down its back, and bright blue eyes. They sit contentedly, staring at the screen, with a couple grenades by its feet. Shrek has pale fur, a green head, hands, and feet, and brown eyes. It's facing to the right, with their arms splayed out and an explosive spear on their back. Beside each scavenger are a few woefully-compressed screencaps of their in-game appearance. End ID]
An ode to these silly beasts, who accompanied me on my second visits to Industrial and Chimney
NANOWRIMO: the conclusion + learning from failure
Hello friends!
Long time, no see! ᕱ__ᕱ These past two weeks I have been giving myself a little break from this blog. I have been swamped with final projects in all of my classes and have been trying to balance getting all of them done with middling success. I’m not thriving, but I am surviving.
However, to make up for my absence, I will be giving y’all some extra content within the next two weeks. In those posts I won’t be boring you with my rambles as I usually do and instead will simply be giving you some content that I have created for my novel! In this post, though, I will be updating you on my novel’s progress and giving you my thoughts on NANOWRIMO.
For those of you who have been here for a bit, you will know that I attempted to participate in National Novel Writing Month for the first time this November. (As always, here is a link with more info about NANOWRIMO for your perusal.) My personal goal as a full time student with a part time job, was to write a 25,000 word manuscript instead of the full 50,000 words. November has ended and I am happy to report that I failed. I failed to reach even my cut down goal. However, I am surprisingly really happy with my progress this month. I learned a lot about myself as a writer and about my process and while I didn’t manage to write even a 10,000 word manuscript, I feel much more prepared to tackle writing this novel.
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So, here are the things that I learned:
Character design and building is VERY important to me
This, I already knew. One of the main things that bother me about book to movie translations or “hot takes” about books on social media or even some fanfictions is that characters, their personalities and development and relationships, are often either misunderstood or sacrificed for the plot or the sake of another character's development. It’s so annoying. I personally belief that every character in a work of fiction should be able to stand on their own, especially if they are a main or secondary character. Characters should be their own individuals with their own motivations and backstories and for goodness sake they should be consistent! (Crappy character development is a thing that bothers me about published novels too. The wasted potential of Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, and Draco Malfoy, among countless other characters, in the Harry Potter novels bugs me so, so much!!)
So, one of the things that happened everytime I sat down to write this NANOWRIMO was that I would find myself getting “stuck” on this character’s backstory or that character’s personality. I have 13 characters that exist for this story in my head. 2 are the main main characters. The 11 others are also going to have their own plot lines and spin offs. Before NANOWRIMO, I knew that this would make my novel complex. After NANOWRIMO, I realized that I was going to have to organize and map and structure and detail my characters (along with several other things) to the metaphorical gods before I even try to manuscript anything or else I am going to be stuck forever and I will never get this book out of my head.
Worldbuilding is also VERY important to me
This was a bit of a surprise. I am definitely no Tolkien and before I started this blog, and my creative writing journey, at the beginning of this fall, these original characters simply just floated around in my head in a vague fantasy realm with no discernible structure or detail. I expected to be able to just continue with this vague fantasy world and as I started writing let the structure fall into place. Yeah… that’s not what happened.
As I began to outline character backstories and a basic plot to start writing, I would find myself drawing up short when I needed to insert a detail about the world in which my story is taking place. This month made me realize that I need to also worldbuild to the metaphorical gods before I try to manuscript anything, and in some cases before I try to go deeper into outlining my character’s backstories and such as well. I’m such a detail oriented person that I have no idea why this didn’t occur to me before, especially because I am including a magic system in my book. I hate fantasy books (that are meant to be serious and not just cozy reads) in which the magic systems rely on the “because it’s magic” excuse and the author doesn’t make any attempt at giving at least some sort of structure or rules. So yeah. I really need to worldbuild, which I am going to hate because it is going to take FOREVER (detail oriented person).
I work better on lists and schedules
This I did know, but I didn’t realize it applied to my writing. A lot of the reason why I failed to write anything of substance for the plot of my book is that I thought I could just throw myself in and make it up as I go. Incorrect. As November passed, and I kept getting stuck on details, I realized that I would need to incorporate my penchant for planning and list making if I was ever going to complete a task this large.
Also, side note, but I keep referring to this story that I’m writing as a novel. It will most certainly not be a novel. It will be a whole dang book series. (13 characters!! Who will each get their own POV at some point!! “A novel” my a**.)
I can throw myself head first into school essays and short writing assignments no problem, but with a story this big, all coming straight from the mess I call my brain, I need to do a lot of planning beforehand. That, above all, is what this failed NANOWRIMO taught me.
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So! Now that I have torn my failure to shreds and dissected all the little pieces and given yall a short (yes that was short for me - I’m starting to think you guys don’t know me at all ᕱ__ᕱ) summary of who, what, when, where, and why my failure occurred, what’s next. Well, I plan. I outline to the metaphorical gods (as I seem to be fond of saying in this post), and next year, when November rolls around, hopefully I have done enough planning and outlining and detail work that writing a 50000 word manuscript should be a breeze!
That’s all for now folks! If any of y’all are curious as to some of what I did manage to get done on my novel/series over NANOWRIMO then stay tuned for the first of your special content posts which should be up within a few minutes of me posting this. Also, if any of y’all have suggestions about how to store/order worldbuilding content in an easily searchable way that would be fantastic!! Please do let me know. Thanks for bearing with me! ᕱ__ᕱ
And remember, dot your j’s and cross your t’s!
~Clementine J. Quincey 🪷
Joining the akatsuki is the equivalent of going to work at a burger joint and then finding out that it’s a front for the mafia. No I won’t elaborate