Dumb Jokes - Tumblr Posts
my favorite hiccup joke so far!
Was not expecting this Hiccup joke!
Hey babe, are you okay? You didn't even say "yeah I sure hope it does" when we passed the road work ahead sign
The dumb shit I send to my brothers 😂😂😂
What do you call a veterinarian who specializes in horses?
A veteri-neigh-rian
Kou: Well, since you offered-
Inspector Ginoza
Very Urgent case 🚨😭😭😭
My brother Ahmed 😭in the hospital now can't breathe and in the intensive care because of war there is no medical care and medicines.
He needs an oxygen machine to be able to breathe
Unfortunately, in the hospital there is no treatment for my little bro, and I am very afraid for him. Please, save my little life by donating as much as you can and Reblog.
My campaign is verified by 90ghost and northgazaupdate
Please donate and Reblog my pin post to save his life 🙏
Illustration
https://www.gofundme.com/f/save-mohamed-and-his-elderly-parents-from-genocide
🚨DONATE IF YOU CAN<3 REBLOG ALWAYS🚨
I don't know how to attract people without lying so i'm going to tell you a joke that you can also share!
What makes an ukelele sound the loudest?
...
...
...
A Seme's hands *badum chink*
I am a very strange person.
Hi a very-
Cocks gun
Listen, I may be acting a bit differently today, but that doesn't mean I'm a good person, not by my standards anyway.
All actions are driven by selfishness, whether directly or secondary. All man is driven by want and instinct; and right now, I want to shoot you.
New Podcast Intro: I like to ask something of you: I like you to close your eyes.
Intro: Close your eyes and picture a pirate.
Me, with aphantasia: Sure.
Intro: What is it that you see?
Me: What do you think.
Intro: Now, I can make some assumptions-
Me: NOTHING! I SEE NOTHING.
Call it religous trauma. Call it me being a petty bitch or whatever. But, one of my life goals is to look a religous (like in the bad way) person in the eye and yell
"GOD CAN'T HEAR YOU"
So the other day I came up with "gardening blessings" for my mom's garden.
May your peanuts never be eaten by squirrels again
May you continue to grow corn with popcorn kernels
May your peas never be dehydrated (I said that as I looked at a pea that look dehydrated)
May no one curse your fig tree
May you continue to grow things accidentally
Thinking about how I’ve collected the As:
I’ve got aro, ace, autistic, atheist, at least eight counts of arson in all the states of america, and anxiety!
Haha, too bad I’m just missing agender :)
(This is a joke i have not committed arson please)
Yeah she told me she’s a pathological liar. I honestly couldn’t believe it
Salmon: I’m anadromous
Guy: ok cool, would you prefer they/them pronouns?
Salmon: no like, I swim against the current
Guy: yeah that’s so real, fight the system ✊
I swear the normalizing of swearing at each other has made some insults so much less funnier. Like yeah I could call you a god d**ed b****ed but then you would understand that I was saying that thou were born out of wedlock and are hence forth sentenced to be tortured for the rest of eternity in the greatest depths of the underworld as sentenced by God themselves. Wich I feel is a relatively big loss
"Father! help me! I'm trapped under the sewing machine... why are you taking out your phone? FATHER, I AM SERIOUS ARE YOU F*****G KIDDING ME RN!?"
I know Dante is straight but I thought he would fit on this pretty well
If you have any feedback on the art i would love to hear it!
a hooker who likes plants call that a garden hoe
Whenever I open at work, and I end up on bar, I always make the same dumb joke to customers. I first ask them how they're doing, etc.- then I say it. "The sun rose- that's always a good sign, right?" They never really respond. Some look at me like "why would it not?;" others look at me like I'm inferring that the sun rotates around the earth; others just look at me like "what a dumb thing to say." Personally, I think it's funny. Also, when you have to be at work before daybreak, honestly the sunrise is a relief. I'm sure plenty of you others understand ^ᴥ^ Also, just a dash of salt here, but with Trump these days, I think all of us surviving until another daybreak is a personal victory for us all.
I often say "Seize the carpe!" instead of Carpe Diem. There are a few points of interest here: 1) I'm joking about seizing a fish. 2) I'm purposely mixing Latin and English. 3) I'm purposely saying "seize the seize." 4) I'm apparently a butthole for ruining both English AND Latin.