I Love Me So Much - Tumblr Posts

bullshit 8

a small one this time but bluh I'm working on bigger things anyway ;)

and by bigger things i mean fucking around with funny faces

💋

“I am, I am, I am. ” - Sylvia Plath

When I was 6 I learnt the alphabet,

When I was 9 I learnt how to divide,

When I was 10 I wrote my first story,

I had to read aloud with a dry

mouth and shaking hands. Hard to

forget: how I could hardly take a breath.

When I was a teen I didn’t live my life,

too busy feeling hopeless in my room,

Clueless, but now I’m 17 soon.

Although I’ve learned these many “clever” things,

It all feels pointless.What if I’m nothing:

a lonely vase? Empty and bare.

“a2 + b2 = c2”

I’ve said it a thousand times over

But who listens to an empty vase?

The vase in the corner who gapes and gawks

at the flamboyant parties that

go … on … on … on … forever and more.

I’ve never been fond of snow or sun.

Or preppy parties where I know no one.

Grey, dwindling flowers aren’t for me either.

Maybe I over analyse too much,

Or maybe not enough.

My youthful petals chip away from me,

to unveil my stripped self and stem.

My bluebell stock screeches the harsh truth

Of how I am nothing but a

lazy

lying

boring

greasy

teenage

bitch.

Step into my strange opera of life.

A never ending comedy of lies.

A deceitful story about the;

sandy summertime of Sicily,

the vast history of Tripoli

and my new friend The Yeti.

I’m a liar.

But lying gets me a gold star,

every single time.

But I’m not 10 anymore,

where a gold star means I’ve conquered the world.

Spring enters the stage while winter leaves.

The crowd cheers and hoots of joy.

A sudden sunrise shines upon the vase.

The petals are not waning anymore.

Instead, new petals grace the once bare bones,

with all new colours, shapes and sizes.

The Easter Bunny hops closer to me.

The Bunny’s basket isn’t filled with sweets,

instead, it’s nothing but rotten treats.

But winter taught me how to persist.

The seasons bloom and die but so do I.

As much as I can be a nasty

greedy

moody

annoying

vulgar

teen,

I can also be that magical

talented

beautiful

introverted

soulful

woman.

I know when I’m 17 or older,

I’ll still be that petunia of pampered

polished

messes.

That I've always been.

The petals of me will bloom and grow,

by day, by night and through snow.

I’m no longer a belittled bluebell.

I’ve learnt the many lessons of this life,

My favourite thing I’ve learnt is:

Who I Am.

~ I said you were too much so you made yourself small ~

Tell them...

Tell them about the constant bouts of silent treatment you put me through when you wouldn't get your way or when I would beg for communication.

Tell them...

Tell them how you told my ex my depression was a burden, I wouldn't let you leave the relationship or I would threaten suicide, pretended to leave me just to trigger it ( all so you could take screenshots of the manipulation to send to her and call me crazy, while simultaneously telling me you love and 'I can't believe I almost lost you')

Tell them...

Tell them how my ex sent me videos of all the conversations so when I saw everything you were doing to me, I immediately left out of respect for myself because I WAS NOT going to be abused any longer.

Tell them...

Tell them how to this day you take ZERO ACCOUNTABILITY.

Tell them...

Tell them how a few months later you said you did and said all of that ' because you were lashing out'. That it was a symptom of your BPD. How everything was always your BPD.

Tell them...

Tell them how you begged me to stay. Begged me to go to therapy after I saw the video. And when you realized I was putting myself first, you immediately switched to attacking me and tearing me down.

Tell them.

Tell them the truth.

I've been feeling kinda down... And now I painted my toenails bright red and it made me happy. Go paint your toenails red.

Kisses from your fav Angel💓 (aka me)

Things I learned on my healing journey so far🤍

1. Trust your opinion first. It's okay to ask your trusted person for advice but at the end of the day, they're not YOU. Always come back to your heart and your true opinion or decision so you don't have any regrets.

2. Keep things private. I'm not saying, don't tell anyone anything about your life. Keep your goals, your plans and your relationships private. Notice how every time you tell your "friends" about your crush, it all goes south and suddenly he doesn't like you anymore? If you kept it private, that wouldn't have happened. Not everyone needs to know everything about you.

3. Change your mindset. This is the secret of a good life y'all. You can have everything you've ever dreamed of, your job, your partner, anything. But your mindset is so poor that you keep seeking out every wrong thing about your dream life. Always looking for negative, being happy when something falls because "you were right all along". I'm not saying be naive, but be positive. Hope for the best. Expect good things. Replace negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones. Your mindset is your life and your reality. Realize it already.

4. Stop doubting yourself. Stop thinking you can't do it because it's 'hard'. Who said it's hard? We all know you can do it. Like, come on it's not that hard stop having that pathetic victim 'I can't do it' mindset. How old are you, again? Your self doubt is a liar and the only power it has is you believing in it. - Elanora Oxa

5. Things won't come true if you don't put in the work. You are saying affirmations 'my skin is clear' everyday but NOT having a skin care routine. Come on. 'I have my dream body' but not doing a workout here and there? Sorry to break it to you, but you won't get anywhere like that. Actually DO stuff. If you pair exercise with affirmations, it's a game changer.

Hey Angels, this is a unusual kinda post from me. These are all literally life-changing, however small they may seem. Once you implement these into your life and enjoy the process, you will bloom. Hope this helped.

Kisses from your favourite Angel (aka me)💓

New post💓💓💓💓💓

Things I learned on my healing journey so far🤍

1. Trust your opinion first. It's okay to ask your trusted person for advice but at the end of the day, they're not YOU. Always come back to your heart and your true opinion or decision so you don't have any regrets.

2. Keep things private. I'm not saying, don't tell anyone anything about your life. Keep your goals, your plans and your relationships private. Notice how every time you tell your "friends" about your crush, it all goes south and suddenly he doesn't like you anymore? If you kept it private, that wouldn't have happened. Not everyone needs to know everything about you.

3. Change your mindset. This is the secret of a good life y'all. You can have everything you've ever dreamed of, your job, your partner, anything. But your mindset is so poor that you keep seeking out every wrong thing about your dream life. Always looking for negative, being happy when something falls because "you were right all along". I'm not saying be naive, but be positive. Hope for the best. Expect good things. Replace negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones. Your mindset is your life and your reality. Realize it already.

4. Stop doubting yourself. Stop thinking you can't do it because it's 'hard'. Who said it's hard? We all know you can do it. Like, come on it's not that hard stop having that pathetic victim 'I can't do it' mindset. How old are you, again? Your self doubt is a liar and the only power it has is you believing in it. - Elanora Oxa

5. Things won't come true if you don't put in the work. You are saying affirmations 'my skin is clear' everyday but NOT having a skin care routine. Come on. 'I have my dream body' but not doing a workout here and there? Sorry to break it to you, but you won't get anywhere like that. Actually DO stuff. If you pair exercise with affirmations, it's a game changer.

Hey Angels, this is a unusual kinda post from me. These are all literally life-changing, however small they may seem. Once you implement these into your life and enjoy the process, you will bloom. Hope this helped.

Kisses from your favourite Angel (aka me)💓

Things I learned on my healing journey so far🤍

1. Trust your opinion first. It's okay to ask your trusted person for advice but at the end of the day, they're not YOU. Always come back to your heart and your true opinion or decision so you don't have any regrets.

2. Keep things private. I'm not saying, don't tell anyone anything about your life. Keep your goals, your plans and your relationships private. Notice how every time you tell your "friends" about your crush, it all goes south and suddenly he doesn't like you anymore? If you kept it private, that wouldn't have happened. Not everyone needs to know everything about you.

3. Change your mindset. This is the secret of a good life y'all. You can have everything you've ever dreamed of, your job, your partner, anything. But your mindset is so poor that you keep seeking out every wrong thing about your dream life. Always looking for negative, being happy when something falls because "you were right all along". I'm not saying be naive, but be positive. Hope for the best. Expect good things. Replace negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones. Your mindset is your life and your reality. Realize it already.

4. Stop doubting yourself. Stop thinking you can't do it because it's 'hard'. Who said it's hard? We all know you can do it. Like, come on it's not that hard stop having that pathetic victim 'I can't do it' mindset. How old are you, again? Your self doubt is a liar and the only power it has is you believing in it. - Elanora Oxa

5. Things won't come true if you don't put in the work. You are saying affirmations 'my skin is clear' everyday but NOT having a skin care routine. Come on. 'I have my dream body' but not doing a workout here and there? Sorry to break it to you, but you won't get anywhere like that. Actually DO stuff. If you pair exercise with affirmations, it's a game changer.

Hey Angels, this is a unusual kinda post from me. These are all literally life-changing, however small they may seem. Once you implement these into your life and enjoy the process, you will bloom. Hope this helped.

Kisses from your favourite Angel (aka me)💓

I love loa and I love being a manifester!

I can have anything I want because I simply decided! I have amazing beauty, my dream body, dream life and anything I want, because I simply decided to have it! I’m so amazing! Your amazing!