(i'm Not) - Tumblr Posts

except Foolish__Gamers he can do no bad

Every single dream smp character is morally grey. Nobody is perfectly good and nobody is perfectly bad. That’s the entire point. They’re supposed to be realistic, that make their own mistakes and choices.

It's not like people will start making potentially dangerous things for no reason YET. Just wait till I get my hands on hydrofluoric acid 😈

It's strange how there's at least 2 or 4 reactions for the preparation of (insert acid/alkali/whatever chemical here) and the teachers want you to memorise each and every specific balanced equation. What would you even do with that knowledge? It's not like people will start making potentially dangerous things for no reason.

the boy is bad news | h.hj smau

ch 37 - i love him

genre: angst, smut, social media au (with written parts), college au, enemies to lovers

wc: 3.2k

summary: An aspiring journalist, you are the news editor for The Uni Chronicles; the campus newspaper, popular for delivering breaking news at the drop of a hat and providing detailed articles about the various happenings around your university. You think you’ve covered every story there was to cover before you’re tasked with producing an in-depth editorial on a student whose name is on everyone’s lips—Hwang Hyunjin.

masterlist

Flashing lights. Blaring speakers. Warm bodies brushing past him like waves rushing past a stone in the sand. Hyunjin had never felt so alone in a crowd before. The liquor did nothing but amplify the overwhelming sensation in his chest and uproot all of the feelings he had tried to bury. He needed relief. He needed to get out of here.

Hyunjin shuffles through the mass, trying his best to politely dodge waving arms and swaying hips. But one too many bumps pushes his patience past his limit and he finds himself forging his escape path forcefully towards the door, not caring to acknowledge the annoyed faces glaring at him as he weaves through.

Greeted by the long awaited night breeze, he slumps against the wall of the bar, taking in deep breaths of cool air and shutting his eyes in an attempt to shut out the thoughts swarming his brain.

As soon as he indulges in the darkness however, he visualizes you—smiling, laughing, looking breathtakingly beautiful as he always remembers—but next to someone else.

Taeyong. Lee fucking Taeyong. Hyunjin didn't know much about the guy, besides the fact that he was a culinary major and a handsome one at that, but he really didn't need to know more. It was the simple fact that you had gone on a date with someone, anyone, besides him. The fact that you had shared an intimate moment with another while Hyunjin was greedy for all of those moments. He wanted all of them, every single one of them, with you.

Was it a tad possessive for him to feel this way? Maybe. But he's been intent on winning you since before he was even aware of his desires. It's not fair for another man to come in so easily and be instantly rewarded a date with you when he's been trying for months. No—even if he had met you yesterday, Hyunjin could not make peace with the thought of you entertaining another man. Not for one second. He needed you to be his and only his. Because he was already yours. And the longer he gave himself to you without recompense, the more it tore him apart inside.

He was becoming hollow, the pain of your absence eating away at him like an ulcer in his chest. Soon, there would be nothing left. An empty cavity where his heart belonged, before it ran itself to death from pouring too much into you.

You caused it. You took a blade and slashed it open when you decided to go on that date. The tear is only growing as his feelings leak out, overwhelming Hyunjin with grief.

He looked Taeyong up as soon as he heard. Browsed through endless photos on his social media accounts, comparing the man to himself as he tried to reason that he was a better match for you.

This guy doesn’t know you like Hyunjin does. He doesn’t understand that your tough exterior only veils your sweet heart, that you have dreams and aspirations and a plethora of talent to make them into realities. He doesn’t know how much you care for your friends, for strangers you’ve just met, even for an obnoxious soccer player who does nothing but give you hell.

He doesn’t know how you need to be hugged when you’re upset. How you spew harsh words and push away, only to cover up the fact that you’re hurting. How a simple embrace will knock down your walls and allow you to give in to your vulnerabilities.

He can’t love you like I do.

Hyunjin is convinced that no one ever can. Because he’s never felt this way in his life. Not for anyone before and not for anyone else he’ll ever meet. It’s too strong. The way his heart pounds in his chest whenever you’re around. The way his lungs are stripped of air when you kiss him. The way he can’t stop wanting more.

He was doing fine before he met you—never felt the need to care about someone other than himself, well loved by his friends and classmates, and successful on all accounts. But the moment you sat down with him in that coffee shop, the sharp look in your eyes telling him that you saw straight through his antics and wouldn’t be fooled like so many others in his life, he knew you’d turn his world on edge. He just didn’t know it’d be like this. Like a part of him was missing when you’re gone. Like he can’t function without you.

Hyunjin feels pathetic, but for once, he doesn’t care. He leans against the cold wall of the bar, watching the cars pass on the road in front of him. There’s a group of guys smoking cigarettes under the streetlight on the other side of the door and a couple making out in the alleyway next to him. The girl was similar in height to you, standing on her tiptoes as the tall man cradled her in his arms, kissing her sloppily with passion. His dark hair brushes against her cheeks, drawing giggles from her.

In his drunken haze, Hyunjin sees that it’s Taeyong kissing you, rapidly blinking his eyes before realizing he was mistaken. But it was too late. The image had traveled to his brain, sending a jolt of pain to his chest and making him sick to his stomach. He had to leave. He had to get away from this place and rid himself of these thoughts somehow. The thought of you with another man pushes him over the edge, nauseating him with fury. Hyunjin needed something to soothe his affliction and all he could think about was you—the cause of his pain and the answer to his anguish.

So he texts you, seeking some sort of solace in your words, but it’s not enough. He needs to see you, needs to hold you, needs to breath you in before he suffocates. Hyunjin calls for a cab and makes his way to you immediately. He can’t get there fast enough. As the driver navigates to your apartment, Hyunjin closes his eyes. He’ll be there soon, he tells himself, he’ll see you soon.

“Is everything good?”

Taeyong’s voice brings you out of the fixation you had on the text conversation in your phone.

“You’re kinda zoning out right now, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You sigh. “I’m just worried.”

Taeyong sets down his fork next to the bowl of pasta you were sharing. He made it for you because you said you were craving it, and it was the best damn pasta you’d ever tasted. But after only two bites you had stopped eating. You didn’t have an appetite.

“Y/N, we talked through this already, everything is going to be okay. All you need to do is talk it out with him. I think it’s clear how you both feel, don’t you agree?”

“But what if I say the wrong thing? Or what if he won’t listen to me?” You bring your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs to hold them in place. “We’re shit at communicating, Tae. The only times we speak well is when we’re arguing.” You mumble.

“Just speak from your heart. Be honest!” He encourages you. “C’mon, why don’t you tell me how he makes you feel and it can be like you’re practicing for the real thing.”

You bury your head in embarrassment, but go along with his suggestion.

“He makes me feel…nervous, but in a good way. Like when you’re about to go down a drop on a rollercoaster.”

“So, excited?”

“I guess so. My heart beats alarmingly fast around him. I don’t think it’s normal.”

Taeyong laughs. “It may not be normal but I think it’s a good thing. What else?”

“He’s handsome, intimidatingly so. I can’t stop staring at him sometimes, it’s almost like hypnosis.” You mutter. “And it’s also kind of annoying, like who gave him the right to look that good? It’s just not fair. And the fact that he knows it too pisses me off.”

“Okay I think I’m starting to see why you’re so confused about your feelings. Maybe avoid telling him that his face pisses you off if you’re trying to communicate better with him.” Taeyong chuckles. “But why don’t we focus on the positives? It’s a good thing that you think he’s handsome, no? And he surely feels the same way about you. Doesn’t it make you proud that you bagged the campus heartthrob?”

“He’s not just a pretty face, he’s also…really caring, and thoughtful. Somehow he always knows when I’m feeling down, and he finds a way to cheer me up, every time. Even when I’m being an absolute brat, he’ll still comfort me. I think that if my life was falling apart, he could hold me in his arms and everything would be okay. It’s strange, but I feel safe with him. I can tell him anything and he’ll never judge me. He always reassures me and tells me he’s proud of me. I want to share everything with him because I know he’ll support me no matter what.”

You pause, squeezing your legs a little tighter.

“He’s so complex. I thought I knew what kind of guy he was when we first met—a typical self absorbed jock—but he’s so much more. He’s playful and confident, but also introspective and sensitive. He understands a lot more than he leads on. He makes mistakes but isn’t ashamed to admit it, and he always tries his best to improve. But sometimes he’s too hard on himself, even though he’s wonderful just the way he is, and…”

You glance at your phone on the table. No new messages yet. Hyunjin hasn’t responded to your last text.

“And?” Taeyong urges you to continue.

“And I just like him, okay? A lot.”

Taeyong grins in amusement. “You sure you just like him? Because it seems to me like it’s more than that.”

You shift your head and stare at the ground. It is more than that. To say that you like him a lot is an understatement. The thought of him sets your heart fluttering and you think about him all the time. You could fill a whole conservatory with the amount of butterflies he gives you. Hyunjin is the only one who can get you as angry as he does, but he’s also the only one who can calm you down. Something about him makes you feel at home. You can be yourself when you’re with him, even if that means being a little ugly. He’ll still think you’re beautiful. You think he’s beautiful, and not just his looks. In the tender moments when he shares his thoughts with you, his true feelings—you think he’s the most beautiful person in the world.

“I love him.”

The words slip out before you can catch them and hearing them out loud brings heat to your cheeks.

Taeyong looks at you with a proud smile, crossing his arms and leaning back into his seat. “See? Now was that so hard?”

“Yeah, it really was.” You grumble.

“But the more you say it, the easier it’ll be!” He jeers.

You sigh. “I hope you’re right. I feel like I need to say it as soon as possible or else I’ll chicken out.”

Another glance at your phone reveals that Hyunjin still hasn’t responded. It’s been over fifteen minutes since your last message and you start to worry.

“He’s not answering me. I hope he’s okay.” You impatiently tap your fingers on the table.

“His friends are with them right? I’m sure he’s fine, probably just got distracted.” Taeyong reassures you.

“But he was messaging me a lot and then suddenly stopped.” You start to feel anxious. “And he’s been drinking, what if he’s in danger?”

“Y/N, just take a deep breath. Why don’t you call his friends and find out if they’re together? Would that help calm you down?”

Just as you reach for your phone, a message pops up on the screen. It’s from Nari.

—

Nari: hey yn, is hyunjin with you? Changbin just texted me to ask

Y/N: he isn’t with Changbin?

Nari: they were out together but bin can’t find him now

—

You slam your phone down and dart up from the table.

“I need to find Hyunjin. He needs me right now.”

“Woah, is everything okay? Did his friends text you?”

“They can’t find him. No one knows where he is.” You hastily leave the table and head to the door. “I need to find him.”

In a frantic rush, you grab a jacket and swing the door open, and there he was. Hyunjin stood right in front of you, looking just as shocked as you are to see him. His hair messily frames his cheeks which donned a light blush from the alcohol he’s been drinking and his jacket haphazardly droops off one shoulder. His mouth parts open at the sight of you, eyes lit up despite his disheveled appearance. You suck in a breath of surprise at the sight of him, before releasing a sigh of relief.

“Y/N…” He mumbles, not moving from his spot. “I’m sorry, I—just really needed to see you.”

Hyunjin slightly retracts from his position, hanging his head, a bit embarrassed for showing up unannounced.

“I should g—“

Before he finishes his sentence, you lunge into him, wrapping your arms around his torso. Your head is burrowed in his chest and you shut your eyes and hug him tighter.

He’s momentarily caught off guard by your embrace, stumbling backwards before enveloping you in his arms. You can hear his heartbeat as you both steady your breaths.

“Why didn’t you text me back, stupid?” You mutter into his chest.

“My phone died.” He sheepishly answers. “Did I worry you?”

You look up at him with an angry pout, but your eyes glitter with affection. Hyunjin melts at the sight, his heart swelling with adoration.

“I thought you were in trouble.” You grumble. “I was going to go find you.”

“I’m sorry.” He places a hand on your face, softly caressing your cheek with his thumb. “But you found me.”

“What are you doing here, Hyunjin?”

He pauses, studying your features closely before inhaling deeply. You feel his breath on your skin, soothing you from all the worry you had before.

“I needed to see you Y/N, I don’t know what else to say.”

“Why did you need to see me now, though? I told you I’d come over tomorrow.”

“Because…” Hyunjin purses his lips, trying to formulate an articulate answer before giving up with a sigh.

“Every moment I’m apart from you feels like a million years.” He shakes his head in anguish before resuming his gaze on your face. “It hurts when you’re not with me. My chest feels tight and empty at the same time. And I don’t know how to make it better except by being with you.”

You absorb his words, the weight in your own chest feeling lighter and lighter with each thing he says.

“You make me feel warm and secure and happy. And now that I know how it feels, I never want it to stop. I want to be with you always.”

Hyunjin’s words fall out like a bird learning how to fly. He stumbles in his speech, stuttering over syllables and huffing in frustration when he can’t find the right words. It’s disorganized and messy, but it’s raw. He’s speaking from his heart and you can feel it. You understand exactly what he’s saying because you feel the same way. Everything is going to be okay for you two. All you need to do is express how you feel about him. To finally reveal your true emotions and everything you’ve been dying to tell him.

He watches you intently after voicing his thoughts. Did he say too much? Hyunjin is afraid he might have overwhelmed you. But he’s glad he said it because the tightness in his chest has finally subsided. Eagerly, he awaits your response.

You take both your hands to cradle his face, and he melts into your touch, closing his eyes in contentment. This is all he needs, forever. Just to be in your arms and have you in his.

“Hyunjin, I—“

“Who’s at the door, Y/N?”

A foreign voice shatters his tranquility. And a pit reforms in his stomach. Hyunjin opens his eyes again.

“Who was that?” He tilts his head to peek through the doorway past your shoulder.

“Hyunjin, it’s no one. I was just talking out my feelings with a friend. My feelings for you.”

But he doesn’t hear what you say. At this moment, Hyunjin has a terrible feeling about who is in your apartment, and he needs to confirm his dreadful suspicions.

He loosens his grip around your waist and cranes his head further. When he meets eyes with the boy standing inside, he realizes that his fears were correct.

The tightness he feels has now multiplied to an unprecedented level. His heart drops to his stomach. He’s rendered speechless. The sharp pain in his chest freezes him in his spot.

You’ve been frantically voicing words to explain the situation but Hyunjin’s ears have gone numb. He can’t hear a thing.

He finally looks back to you, but his soft expression has changed. His eyes are wide, lips pressed tight. He’s breathing hard.

“You’re seriously with him right now?” Hyunjin’s voice quivers with hurt.

“We’re friends Hyunjin, I swear. He was actually helping me sort out my feelings for y—“

“I need to go.”

Hyunjin releases his grasp on you and swiftly leaves your doorstep. Tears prickle his eyes as he walks away.

You rush to follow after him, calling for him to stop, but he doesn’t listen. When you finally catch up, you reach for his hand, but as soon as he feels your touch, he retracts from you.

“Hyunjin, please don’t leave.” Tears start to form in your eyes as well.

He hears the trembling in your voice, and it breaks his heart even further. Hyunjin doesn’t want to leave, but the current situation was far too much for him. To see you with the guy who caused him to even be in this predicament, it was a dagger in his heart. Hyunjin’s hurt, to the core. And the longer he stays here, the deeper his mind will travel, pondering the scenes that took place before he got here, wondering if anything happened between you and Taeyong in your apartment, and formulating the worst scenarios imaginable.

“Hyunjin, please.” You beg once more.

He winces at the sound of your voice, but doesn’t turn around.

“I need some space.” Is all he says before picking up his speed again and leaving for good.

You’re utterly distressed to be left alone in the hallway of your apartment building. Should you chase after him? Should you force him to stay and listen? You contemplate what to do to fix this situation, but all you can do is watch in silence as he leaves.

a/n: sad hyune sad yn :( i promised drama and here it is 🤧 this scene is quite heartbreaking, but it’s also one of the first scenes I imagined which led to the creation of this whole series, so I hope you guys enjoyed reading it! please let me know what ya think~ we’re getting closer to the end and it makes me sad :( but I always love reading your comments 🫶 thanks to all who send me feedback!

Taglist: @mal-lunar-28 @ladylexis @vampcharxter @sisterofsomeone @whlfchnari @imasimplol @writersun @i2lain @astraystayyh @jiimout @hwajin @hyynee @rachabreathing @zoe8stay @abbiestearsricochet @ven-fic-recs @stay-down-kid @flowerbin131 @hyunverse @whatthefsposts @carousellights @dorisnumber1fan @hyunsungbased @manj1ro @straydhampir @jungkookies1002 @rindomo @iadorethemskz @silent-jill @feelikecinderella @vixensss @leeyanyanyaaan @broken-glowsticks @bmnyy @fawnpeaks @hyuneyeon @septicrebel @channiesstars @mimi-sierra04 @dreamstarsandskz @cheshireshiya @staurdvst @swissgoswish @ggundeuri @farfromsugafanfic @whats-my-question @bintificreads @iwaplant @yla-aira @midsoulz

taglist CLOSED!

is it just me or does it feel like im sometimes being like. left out of things. like everybody has their own friend groups while im just. here. doing my thing. being unsure if theres anyone else willing to hear me out.

Sanji with a belly chain, half-dressed and covered in blood. An overall dangerous combo. Especially for Zoro.

Things I didn’t understand as a child:  

why you’d make your bed every morning if you’re gonna sleep in it anyway

taxes

Things I don’t understand as an adult: 

why you’d make your bed every morning if you’re gonna sleep in it anyway

taxes

My Mom: -You're just too nice for the World,ya know?

Me: *laughs* ...just 15 Minutes ago i was being called an Asshole?

My Mom: I'm serious though,you are

Me,mentally: r u SURE???

Me: Hah,okay

I simply am not the girl i was 60 seconds ago.

SHUT UP ABOUT GRAVITY FALLS.

I REFUSE TO CRY MORE OVER FUCKED UP GAY MEN!!!! I WONT DP IT!!!! I WONT I WILL NOT I WONT DO IT!!!! I AM NOT GONNA DO IT.

I’m not gonna touch that book okay. I have all the other gravity falls books I’m not gonna do it I’m not gonna do it I’m

The IIconics backstage so Vince doesn’t remove them from the Tag Match

now that gravity falls is trending again i must confess,,, i used to be genuinely terrified of twink human bill cipher. like when i first watched the show and got hyper fixated on it, then went to find fanart i got so scared i had to turn it off

are ya’ll emotionally prepared? cause im not 🥺

the minute I say I’m going to sleep i see a nana and hachi edit to the frost by mitski .. I’ll cry

It's not Friday (where I live), but

It's Friday, Friday, gotta get up on Frida-

i think maybe I'm not as doomed as I feel sometimes

The lactose tolerant duo! Hahahaha

Iro made my profile picture!hehehe @iroissleepdeprived

It wluld have been funny if Uli joined, hahaha

TIRESIAS VOICE REVEAL AAHHH

On Insecurity

yay i love not making it as a nms semifinalist

because our state index jumped too many points apparently

although someone in our school did make it

and the internet keeps lying to me about this years supposed cutoff

but i'm totally cool with it yep

so i. uh. postponed the rhaenicent’s reunion in the last episode bc i didn’t want to get Too Heartbroken but now i have watched it and. Uh. i’ll probably kms im the following minutes. they looked pretty tho

(in my dreams they kiss and make up as well as Make Out. they def should hand me the creative direction of the show. oh rhaenicent i would do you good)

I have no one better to share this information with but tumblr.

okie so listen up, ✨️time✨️

I have a little idea about time and how it functions, I have little to no evidence and raw imagination to fuel it. I'm 16 and running on about 6 hours of sleep from the past two days, so Sue me if it ain't making sense. i will not be formal. Do not expect that of me. I reckon time is like a film strip, but like 3d. Or sorta like a paused video. Each frame or moment existing constantly and not changing at all unless you look at the next slide. I mean, sorta like stop motion except smaller? I mean like imagine how each pixel has a specific colour, and as a whole, they make a picture, yes? well, each pixel is a cube of some sorts that make a larger cube. Do you see where I'm going with this? am I making sense? please tell me if you understand, i am aware that it's so incredibly obvious and stupid, but like, nuh uh.

enjoy your day sweets <3