Irondad Spiderson - Tumblr Posts
I saw a TikTok a few days ago that broke my heart. And decided to make it an IronDad post.
You see, Tony Stark despised his father - so many bad memories were linked to this man and the few moments spent together. Howard taught him how to be a terrible father. Howard taught him how to destroy the self-esteem of a little boy too vulnerable to stand up for himself or understand why he wasn’t loved.
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I mean... spiders are cannibalistic
Steve: sooo, what do you do for a living?
Tony: Rogers, he is a kid, he doesn’t need-
Peter: i kill spiders
Clint: lol no you don't
Tony: kid, no, you don’t
Peter: have you ever seen one in the Tower?
Clint: well no..
Peter: then you’re welcome *sniffs and then sharply rises from his place, looks around and with closed eyes in the pose of a spider makes his way to the exit* sorry, duty calls. I smell spider in Rogers’ room.
Clint:
Clint: is he serious
Tony:
Tony: I can’t tell
How did an assassin miss a entire knife in his back?!
Tony: kid, you alright?
Peter: yeah, why are you asking? I’m right here with you playing minecraft.
Clint: yeah, Tony, stop being mother Hen.
Tony: fuck off, I feel like something is wrong. Look me in the eyes.
Peter: what? no?
Tony: Peter!
Peter: ahjak okay!
Tony, one second after looking at his kid: Friday, call Bruce, we’re heading towards Medbay!!
Client: you gotta be kidding? he’s completely fine!
Tony: ehh no, he has the “I was stabbed” look in his eyes.
Clint: no he’s not. that’s not a real thing.
Peter, bewildered: yeah, that’s not a real thi—
Friday: it appears to me that Mr. Parker-Stark jr. is losing his blood in exponential levels and he has some sharp object in his back.
Peter: the knife isn’t that sharp
Tony: PETER
Peter: Tony, this is my aunt. May, this's my da-my Tony.
May:
Peter: -oh my god, no, May, it’s-
Tony: pleasure to meet you, I am his Tony aka his dad. Well, not officially but give me two minutes, one call and I will make it official.
Morgan: Can Peter be my brother?
Tony: You know what? Sure. Why not.
Peter: *surprised* Wait, really?
Tony: *slamming down adoption papers he had ready* Congratulations, you’re family now. Sign here.
Tony, going over Peter resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.
Peter: Yes.
Tony: Okay… may I know what you create?
Peter: Problems.
Peter: before you say no–
Tony: no
Peter: But I haven’t even finished!
Tony: …
Tony: I’ll go with the no
Tony: The minute you were born I knew...
Tony: That I'd never breathe easy again until I knew you were safe
Peter: So I'm like asthma?
Tony: What’s the one thing I asked you not to do?
Peter: Set the house on fire
Tony: and what did you do?
Peter: I made dinner!
on a game night
Tony pulling Peter: partner up, everyone!
Tony whispering: if we lose, you’re out of the will
Peter: I was in the will?!
News!!: Leaked picture of Tony and Peter
Tony: *walks out and leaves his phone behind*
Peter trying to use the google algorithm: therapy, what is therapy, 10 reasons to go to therapy, the benefits of going to therapy, types of therapy, closest therapist
I think it's really cute that the irondad fandom is getting all excited about rdj's return and that they're dying to see the anguish, etc., etc.,
but people! this will not happen. the Spider-Man issue is a mess (as always) he probably won't appear in the F4 movie and if he does it will be a very small scene, if Doctor Doom becomes the main villain I don't think there will be as much space for the Spider is him, because Doctor Doom is still the villain of F4 and not of Spider (and because Marvel hates irondad), and this idea is just bad, so it's better not to fill yourself with expectations
But if there's one thing I hope there is, it's A LOT of homoeroticism between Doctor Doom and Mr. Fantastic
if you think about it the 'field trip' trope is like Chocolate Factory if tony hated it even more Flash
Peter, is it just you and me in the wreckage of the world?
That must be so confusing for a little boy.
_Adventure time au
