Spiderson - Tumblr Posts

Tony: So kid, what do you want for Christmas?

Peter: The will to live.

Tony:

Tony: Therapy it is.

Peter: No can do Mr.Kidnapper, I've got more plans

Kidnapper: SPARE ME!

Peter: So tonight I was thinking we could stay up late playing checkers and say all the things we like about each other

Kidnapper, crying: Stark paid the ransom 3 days ago, please go home

And this is why Tony has heart problems.

Peter, texting Tony at 3 am: constantly stuck between ‘life’s too short: eat the Mac and cheese’ and ‘life’s gonna be REAL SHORT if all you fucking eat is Mac and cheese.’

Peter, texting Tony at 3:30 am: Update: I ate the Mac and cheese because only the good die young.

I NEED to right a fic on this.

Peter taking everything literally results in Tony having to abandon his self-deprecating humor, because it legitimately upsets Peter.

At the beginning of their mentorship:

[Tony: Looks like you're stuck with me kid

Peter: Stuck with you???? It's an absolute honor!!]

A few months into their mentorship:

[Steve: You're gonna hate yourself in the morning for drinking all of this (alcohol).

Tony: Joke's on you, I hate myself all the time.

Peter, visibly aghast and upset: MiStEr StArK!!!!! You're a treasure and a delight and the world is a better place with you in it!!!

*Tony, barely keeping himself from crying* (pours out all of his alcohol): Do you want an island in Fiji, kid? I'm gonna get you an island and build a house for George Lucas there and you can be neighbors and I'll make him write another Star Wars movie.]

A year into their mentorship:

[Tony: In order for this plan to work, you're going to have to pretend to be my dad.

Steve: Besides the fact that this doesn't make any sense... I don't want to be your dad.

Tony: Great, you already know your lines.

The rest of the team: *uncomfortable silence*

Peter, sincere butterfly: You are important and precious and I'm so proud of the man you have become.

Tony, threateningly while also tearing up: That's it! I'm adopting your little grateful ass!!!]

This all ends up in Tony actually practicing positive self-talk and being a happier person because of Peter.

*An Alien smacks Peter into a wall on a mission*

Tony: Oh my god, kid are you alright?!

Peter(a professional GenZ kid): Thanks for checking in, I'm still a piece of *garbage*.

*After Peter does something stupid*

Tony: Do you not have a voice that tells you not to do something stupid?

Peter: What are you talking about?

Tony: ....

Tony: This actually explains so much.

Steve: Tony get up, New York is being attacked by Aliens!

Tony: I can't! Peter fell asleep on me.

Steve: Oh, understandable, have a nice day.

Times When Peter Used His Puppy Dog eyesTM

Tony: It's crazy how Pepper, Rhodey and Happy think that I'd give you everything if you showed me your puppy dog eyes.

Peter:

Peter: *Puppy Dog eyes*

Tony: I'm going to buy you the entire universe.

____________________________________

Dr.Strange: I'm going to say this one last time, Peter. I am not going to teach you magic.

Peter: So you choose the hard way.

Peter: *Puppy Dog eyes*

Dr.Strange: What- what are you doing? What type of dark magic is this?

Peter: *Puppy dog eyes intensifies*

Dr.Strange: Ok fine!

____________________________________

Bucky: Kid, I'm not going to teach you how to shoot a gun. Stark would literally kill me.

Peter: *Puppy Dog eyes*

Bucky: N-nat, what's he doing?

Natasha: Just give in, he's too strong. Peter's already won over the others.

Peter: *Puppy Dog eyes intensify*

Bucky: You win!

____________________________________

Sam: You can't make me join your weird family, I already have one. Just because you over Stark, Bucky, Nat and everyone one else doesn't mean crap!

Peter:

Peter: *Puppy Dog eyes*

Sam: No! Stop!

Peter: *Puppy dog eyes intensify*

Sam: Ok fine, I'll join your weird family! I'll be your annoying big brother figure! Just stop!

Peter: Mr.Stark, how do you ask a girl such as MJ out?

Tony: Peter, you're really coming to an ex-playboy for dating advice? I thought you were smarter than that.

Peter: But your married to Miss Potts! One of the most badass women in the world!

Tony: Just because I'm married to Pepper doesn't mean I know how I did it.

Peter,who had pulled an all-nighter to study for exams, trying to sleep in.

Tony: Pete, it's time to wake up. Steve's making breakfast.

Peter:...

Tony: Don't make throw water on you.

Peter: Don't make me shatter your skull with one punch.

Tony:....

The Avengers in the hall way who had been listening: ......

I have a headcannon that when Peter Parker gets cranky from lack of sleep, hunger, whatever, his scariness/sass factor goes up like 1000%

__

After a horrible battle against giant lizards. Back at Stark Tower.

Steve Rogers ruffling Peter’s hair: Aren’t you a little young to be an Avenger?

Peter running on 12 red bulls, only slept nine hours total in the last WEEK, and now knows the taste of lizard blood: Aren’t you a little old to be alive?

Steve shocked:

Tony stunned:

Other Avengers mentally freaking out:

Peter: i can fix that for you

Tony: KID-

Imma just go and write this.

Irondad fic ideas #1

Peter gets kidnapped, only it has nothing to do with his connection to Tony or Spider-Man; they just think he's some broke enhanced orphan from Queens. Then suddenly Ironman is raining hellfire down on them all like, "Where Is My Kid," and they're like oh shit ohfuckohshit-

Me: Omg, this is such a great idea. Please let me write this.

My 8 drafts that have been collecting dust for a month:.....

(srsly though, can I write this? Might take some time but I would love to.)

Has anyone made a god au for the mcu?

Like, the gods are amongst us mortals, and they’ve got like followers/worshipers and stuff, and they can like access the information of their followers because they’re gods duh

I should probably specify that I’m talking about an irondad fic. I want this as an irondad fic

The great Tony Stark, god of technology, inventor and innovator, creator of things to further humanity along, with as many followers as people have phones, tvs, radios, and cars. His followers buy exclusively his tech, and the richer ones donate money to speed up his research

Hawkeye, god of archery, whose majority of followers come and go with time, but a select few stick around, devoting their life to the art of the bow & arrow

Vision, god of the internet (whose father is the god of technology, obviously), who gains power every moment someone uses the internet, and IS the robot tracking your info to give you some Useful ads, whose followers meme in his name

Bruce Banner, the god of sciences (he has SEVEN PHDS MAN), who learns all he can and shares it all with the scientific community, whose other form, Hulk, may or may not be a god in and of himself, whose followers all devote their lives to research, some on his second form specifically

Of course there’s Thor, god of thunder, and Loki, god of mischief…

But then there’s just. Peter Parker, god of spiders.

Of course, not very many people like spiders, and those who do probably don’t like them enough to devote any time to the god of them… unless they’re trying to form some weird cult or something. And there’s probably a major population of people that aren’t even aware that ‘god of spiders’ is even a thing? Like there’s probably a Wikipedia page or something that lists every god, but I doubt anyone would pay too much attention to a god of spiders.

Like maybe some people do worship him but it’s probably really weird and he’d be like ‘umm I appreciate that you’re following me, but I would prefer that you don’t sacrifice anyone to me?? Because one that’s illegal and I enjoy following laws and two,,, it kinda makes me uncomfortable so please stop’

So just imagine like. Pete having a rough day getting bullied by Flash about being the god of such a ‘creepy’ thing, when suddenly, a shout from an alleyway! He hurries to investigate and someone’s getting mugged! He webs up the threat and the person he saved is just like ‘thank you!! Who are you?’ and he just panics and says ‘uhhhh I’m spider-man’ and the rest is history :)

But then people start getting interested in Spider-Man so they google ‘is there a spider god’ and then they go harass Peter like ‘hey you’re the god of spiders, so who’s spider-man? You had to have blessed him right’ and like what does he say to that???

And imagine Tony seeing this and being like ‘hey I actually wanted to know who spider-man was too but maybe don’t harass a minor?? Like yeah he’s a god but he’s also a child’ and. Omg I need to ✨stop✨ before I ✨break✨

Tony: Look, all I'm saying is that drinking two, 5 hours energy drinks would give us double the energy!

Clint: Bullshit! It would obviously give us 10 hours of energy. I thought you were a scientist.

Tony: And I thought you had a brain-

Steve: Can we please go back to the meeting?

Bruce: Why are we even discussing this?

Natasha: Because those two idiots don't have a single braincell between them to make a logical thought if their lives depended on it.

Tony: You all clearly don't understand the importance-

Peter, who everyone had forgot was there: Both.

Everyone:...

Tony:...What?

Peter, who has 10 assignments due tomorrow and is vibrating from being high on energy: Both.

*Scuttles off to his cocoon on the ceiling*

Wait a sec, I'm just gonna go write this.

Irondad fic ideas #96

BUZZFEED UNSOLVED: THE CRYPTID OF STARK TOWER

Bonus:

Ryan and Shane interview employees, search for clues, discuss theories, and, after getting security clearance to stay overnight from an unhappy man named Happy, attempt a candy- and science-based summoning of the legendary cryptid known only as The Kid.

someone please write a really really sad irondad & spiderson fanfic called “you’re on your own, kid (you always have been)” i’m begging you 🙏🙏🙏

Calling All Irondad Fans

It’s canon

when peter and tony were first starting to consider each other friends (post homecoming) tony offered to take peter for coffee, to chat.

Peter braced himself for a rude, dismissive, and egotistical Tony to treat the poor barista poorly. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Tony was perfectly polite and tipped 50%, he even made more small talk than Tony had ever put up with in other settings.

When MJ heard about this, she didn’t believe it for a second, going as far as getting a job at a local coffee place and asking Peter to take Stark there, so she could see for herself.

Turns out, Stark was just genuinely decent to customer service workers. MJ could barely e believe it. she still had that barista job years later, but she had forgotten exactly who had persuaded her to get it

Can I ask?

What about the Irondad & Spiderson fandom draws you in? And no Starkers allowed to answer please! This post is meant to be pure.

Truth be told, for me, I wanted that sense of feeling like a child again. Cause I lost my dad in real life and things were never the same after. So to have something to go to that makes me feel that sense of security and happiness and hope...that is what draws me in. What about you?

Welp- Thx for that Satan :/

I was having a good day

We were ALL having a good day😭

imagine if peter’s dusting went more like logan’s at the end of x-men: the last stand. his regenerative abilities meaning he’s laying there suffering for longer as his body tries desperately to piece itself back together, all while tony watches in horror

Peter: Mr. Stark!!! Look I made an Iron Man suit in animal crossing!!! Now I can be like you!!!

Tony:

Tony: *starts sobbing* What did I do to deserve this sweet child