Tw Illness - Tumblr Posts

Ya’ll, I got an abnormal melanoma diagnosis at 14. My condition was considered so strange that I was thought of as a medical anomaly by almost every doctor that saw me. I had five surgical procedures to deal with the issue. It. Can. Happen. To. Anyone.

Some small reminders as summer rolls around. Remember, the steps are easy but the S.T.A.K.E.S are high:

1) S- Sunscreen. Sunscreen, for everyone. Even if you have darker skin, it’s vital. Black folks often go undiagnosed because doctors are not used to detecting melanoma on darker skin. Skin protection is essential for everyone, as melanoma can even be more dangerous for folks with more ‘natural skin protection’ (aka people with higher levels of melanin in their skin) because of failures in our medical system. Reapply every hour or so. I recommend at least 45 SPF.

2) T- Time. Try and stay out of the sun between 10:00 am and 2:00 pm / 10:00 and 14:00.

3) A- Attire. Wear long sleeved clothing made of lightweight materials such as cotton or linen when possible. This includes longsleeved tops and at least calf-length bottoms. For anyone out there who enjoys wearing skirts or dresses, you’re in luck! Longer ‘peasant’ style dresses and skirts are currently in style and can thus be found cheaply online and in store. Modest dressing can be fashionable and protective, folks. Wonderful ideas for modest dressing in the summer can be found easily on Insta; our beautiful Muslim siblings have been of great inspiration to me.

4) K- Keppie. Protect it. Hats, hats, hats. Even for people with thicker hair such as myself. Melanoma of the scalp can often go unnoticed.

5) E- Eyes. Eye protection. Yes, melanoma of the eye is possible, and I am frequently checked for it. Sunnies or tinted glasses help.

6) S- Surveillance. Keep an eye on your moles. Healthy moles are typically round in shape, of one colour, and flat. If you find a spot on your skin that has grown to become abnormally shaped, discoloured, or raised, seek out a dermatologist if possible. My melanoma was so abnormal-looking that several professionals thought it was a skin tag. They can look like anything.

Stay safe this summer and all year long, friends. You may not love the skin you’re in, but it doesn’t mean it’s worth ignoring.

Guys, please, please please get your moles looked at. There’s a lot of shit going on & you might think doctors have much better things to do but it’s so important. I’ve had a mole on my upper arm since I was a kid, I ignored it, in the middle of the pandemic it started to change shape & size & I thought fuck it, I’ll go eventually they’re busy right now. Now I have malignant melanoma that may have spread to my lymph nodes. 

Just go have a doctor or nurse look at it, it won’t take long & then they’ll be able to measure it every time you go in. Early detection is everything. Don’t make me post pictures of what’s left of my arm. Just go, goddammit 

hiii!!! i lurk around a lot of communities but im making a post to share something important! (plz reblog!)

earlier this year my dad was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, aka, a type of cancer that has been aggressive. right now, he has lost the ability to generate income so it's been hard to pay for expenses. our family is working with him on stuff but yk it's still really demanding. any help is appreciated, whether is a reblog, repost on a different site or donating, it's all appreciated 💗 i'll be tagging some communities im in so i'm sorry if this is out of place !!

gofundme.com

Kick AML's Azzz Zombie-Style, organized by Gloria Willson

Hi, my name is Gloria and I am fundraising for Rafael, father of my 3 daughters. Rafael w… Gloria Willson needs your support for Kick AML's

(dropping some gifs just so it's not ENTIRELY outta place)

TW: venting about my whole ass panic attack. So yeah

So I'm literally in tears rn. My acne flared up really bad. My nose is to big. My lips are too small. My hair just won't work with me. I may be skinny isn't good when your face looks like God hit you 1000000000000000000000x with the ugly stick.

My brother decided to say, "It's not that bad. Why are you upset?"

Easy to say when you have every female in the world falling at your feet.

Like all my siblings got the attractive gene & my genes decided I'd be the ugly one.

My teeth are messed up to. Not lined up, under bite. Got scars lining my body so that's another flaw to add.

Why would anyone decide to date me.

The guy I was dating kill himself. I would to if I was dating me.

He didn't even leave my ugly ass a note. Such a shame ig.

Got ADHD, Bipolar, ODD, Generalized Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, & now possibly falling on the Autism spectrum.

Ugly af

Annoying af

Always fall in everyone's shadows. Only this person's younger sister or this persons older sister maybe this other person's daughter.

Can't even make a name for myself. Sometimes I wish I'd disappear. I was suppose to have a twin. If she made it maybe it'd be better.

School is stressing me out. I somehow passed last year. Kind of tired.

I'm just tired.

No matter how hard I try or how hard I work. Nothing will ever be enough.

Not for me, my mum, my siblings, my friends, my teachers, no one. I'm never enough.

I have a panic attack my mum decides the cry.

What gives her the right. She looks great. She's witty, kind, independent, knows what she wants. So why is she crying. Literally nothing happened.

You're crying cause I'm upset & making everyone else upset. Literally not my fault I'm having a panic attack while looking in the mirror.

Hell now I've started starving myself. Afraid of weight gain ig

I lie. Say how cool my family is. How I don't care whether I am skinny or not. Lie that I'm not ugly or pretty. I lie. Straight through my teeth.

I pretend my life is so great.

No.

I never have been close with my mum. I've always wanted to. Seems everytime I start to I get pushed back.

My mother is proud of all my other siblings.

I gave up on art. I was like 12 or 13. I went to show my mother a drawing.

My mother told me to shut up as my older brother & sister were gonna sing. She couldn't even wait one second to take a glance.

When she decided to look. After praising her oh so talented children. She just said my drawing was cool.

I flushed that drawing down the toilet.

I've decided that I'll just not try.

I'm 16 atm. I try to impress my mother. Be a oh so good kid.

Never one glance.

Where did I go wrong.

My ex boyfriend gave me hope. Maybe someone could love me. Someone could find a way to look past all my flaws & see some beauty that I just couldn't see.

But the rope he hung from could say different.

No goodbye, no letter. Nothing.

Last words were him breaking up with me in a group chat without notifying me .

Having to find out through someone he hates.

Someone who he despises knew.

Then when I joined. He just ridiculed me. Put me down. Kept saying cruel words. Just to break up. Then leave this world.

I know I wasn't the cause. That his world came to an end. But why?

I've only ever looked at the bright side. Wanted to help others. Sit by those who hurt. Helping others gave me purpose. Hope that maybe I one day could.

My mother's name is Hope though. Even she couldn't believe in me. How ironic. The woman who gave birth to me is named Hope. Yet any hope she could've had in me never met my eyes.

I would leave the world as well. I guess I just like the challenge. Tried to leave a couple times. Each one a fail. For 6 minutes & few seconds. My heart stopped. I was at peace. Then my heart decides to beat again. Body decides to work again.

October 23rd 2018. Was my near death experience. Was great honestly. Sadly death just won't take me. No matter how much I've tried. Even death doesn't want me.

How ironic. Death takes everyone. Yet not me.

Take people I care about. Not me though.

I gave up on attempting suicide. Never leads me to death.

I just kind of exist now.

Mother won't let me get a job. Won't let me pierce even my ears.

She says she cares yet victim cards Trump all.

I weirdly love my family though.

My mother saved me from going to foster care. Plus my father was abusive. The memories that'll never leave haven't grown because of her.

Yet it seems I really was just part of the package.

To care for any of the others. I was just the con.

She showed up to my football practice in 8th grade.

She looked so proud & congratulated me on knocking guys 10x my height down. For once she was proud.

One of my matches she showed up to. I was knocked down by a kid. Are team lost. Any hope she had in me. I could see disappear.

She lectured me after. Saying how I could've done better.

I quit the team. Coach said that I shouldn't. It just wasn't as full filing when the person who gives birth to you. Well the one you spend all your time trying to make proud. Look at you with cold eyes.

I had a choir concert not even a year ago. I did the whole thing. Hoping maybe she walk in. See that I was overcoming my fear of singing on stage.

She texted me once I was done. She waited outside the entire time.

Didn't take the time to come in. I thought maybe she was doing something. Shopping or riding around. No. She just sat in the parking lot.

It hurts. I lost my childhood. Lost someone I loved. Lost any hope of my mum being proud. Lost my pride. Lost any love for myself. Lost any meaning for my life.

I've given up. Won't kill myself.

Wouldn't give myself the satisfaction. Plus I've tried to many times. Shot my shot. Missed everyone besides one that I rimmed & missed.

Guess I'll live just to survive. Then die peacefully in life.

Maybe I'll die saving someone. That'd be good to. Be remembered as someone who saved someone .

Well thx for reading ig

i just have one more thing to say about him before i go to sleep, and that's this: i've been thinking about making blamore an herbalist that's partially self-taught + also had asked someone to also teach him about it and i think i'm going to do it. because i think it would really fit for his character, since blamore would likely do it as a way to try to find out ways to ease its own pain (particularly his nerve pain) at first. but... all i can imagine now is blamore stumbling across someone's muse in the event that they are friends and them being injured / in pain.

and as a result, it would want to try to help alleviate them of their suffering; so if they had burns and/or cuts, then he'd rub a herbal salve into their skin where it was affected to help treat them. and maybeee he'd give them a bath or something in yarrow if they had a fever because it has been shown to have REALLY good anti-pyretic (anti-fever) abilities. so i basically just imagined it trying to nurse them back to health at least a little bit, and i 😭 i'm putting this on my wishlist on here now because this is just too damn sweet albeit in an angsty way to not do so. but of course, if they were like on death's door or something, then it would definitely just be using some of these herbal cures in the meantime until he could get an medical doctor out there like nico to help them. but it's the thought that counts in the end

while taking a deep breath, blamore's eyes closed momentarily and it was in pain. though the sting of it wasn't nearly as bad as, say, an injury to his spine... the fact remained that it was still quite noticeable. he did firmly believe that it wasn't loni's fault however as it knew what it was like to accidentally hurt someone. for, blamore had done so himself among the first days after it experienced it's agonizing transformation. so he thought sometimes these things just happen. now, if loni had done it on purpose, that would've been a different story. but she didn't. and as such, blamore's tail reflected this as his tail formed a 'hook' at the very end of it; which meant he was still feeling friendly but also cautious.

there was a familiar sensation rising to the surface that signaled blamore should probably leave, then. and it wasn't associated with the wound but seemingly a byproduct of it. he had been doing so well with managing his symptoms too... blamore opened its eyes to look at loni, stifling an awkward smile. it merely nodded in response to her statement. ❝ alright. i appreciate that, but i'll probably be fine, ❞ who was it really trying to convince that to, it thought. itself or loni? blamore was up and out of the room within seconds as the other slumped on the chair. it ducked into the closest thing it had to a bathroom after, soon lifting his hand from the new wound on his hip.

blamore suddenly felt this shooting pain run through the left side of it's body then. it was like an electric shock, was the best way he could describe it, and one of his knees buckled forward as a result. luckily, blamore was able to hold onto the sink before he fell completely, but god's — that hurt like hell. a prickling sensation coursed right around the area of his tailbone and hip before it heard loni's voice calling out to him. she was asking if he was okay. blamore tried to answer her but felt another shooting pain in that same area before it decided to grab a warm compress he had in the cabinet below it.

and with that, the gauze as well. blamore took several ragged breaths as he wrapped it around his hip before bringing the compress there. jesus christ could there not be a worse time to have a flare-up from its nerve pain. blamore finally managed to speak up once it settled on the bathroom floor, ❝ its okay, i'm... okay. the wound isn't why i've been in here for so long. i'm going to open the door now, ❞ he reached his arm up from the floor to turn the doorknob and let her in. sweat had noticeably started to gleam on his temples, ❝ ne t'excuse pas, chérie (don't apologize, darling). all of my faculties are just unfortunately not the best anymore. i have had nerve pain for a while now. ❞

Leave it to her to ruin a good moment. In times like these she truly did feel like a predator. To hurt someone she hadn't wanted to hurt... all because she got too ahead of herself. She was lucky it hadn't triggered any sort of trauma in them. Had it, she wouldn't haven been able to live with herself.

Shifting back she gives it a strained smile. I don't need to go with you after I just did that. If he had half a mind he'd kick her out now, but here it was being so kind as to say it wasn't her fault. It was so why tell her otherwise? " I can stay here. If you need any help just let me know. I'll be here in the meantime. " Now thoroughly dejected she waits for it to exit the room and quickly slumps into the chair they'd just previously been nestled together on. Way to go idiot. Who does that to someone? What if he's upset with me now? I wanted to keep touching it... but I wouldn't trust me anymore if I were him.

She spends the next few minutes wallowing in self pity. However, when she realizes they haven't come back she begins to worry. " Blamore? " She calls out, standing and walking over to the spot she'd last seen it. " Hey is everything all good? It's taking you awhile. "

Stepping out of the room she begins to wander. Thankfully she can trail their scent and quickly makes her way to their location. " Is it bad? My claws can be pretty sharp... Do you want me to look at it? My nails are normal now s-so I won't be able to hurt you again. " Knuckles raise, prepared to knock against the door. " I'm really sorry. "

my daily contribution to this account for today is unfortunately a sad one. and this is because it has to do with arkham which, as you all may already know, is usually quite swarming with corruption — one example of this being the fact that blamore has quite literally gotten seriously ill there multiple times. because i mean... he isn't just a normal human being anymore who needs the sun for vitamin D.

blamore needs sunlight or some form of light that is remiscent of it because there are plants literally CONNECTED to its heart, and so its integral that it gets enough light every day. but because he is usually put in isolation almost 24/7, blamore is stuck in his cell a majority of the time. and its quite literally made of the worst material to let light in because they've been so focused on keeping him 'under control' in the past rather than actually giving him what he needs to live. so, its gotten deathly ill there a few times 😬

but one of the few doctors there that actually seem to sort-of care about their patients (joan leland, in this case) had negotiated to have blamore get more time outside with the condition that she was the one watching it. buttt that was only like thirty minutes more, so it took them having to be forced by an outside source to change the lights in his cell to LED ones so he could actually get the benefits of sunlight from inside, though yeah. ALL my friends hate arkham for this as they should've just done that from the BEGINNING

Pretty sure I'm going into septic/hemeragic shock. I've been sick for awhile, but everyone thinks I'm faking. But my vitals are dropping, and I was just discharged from the hospital because labs were normal. It's been fun, and part of me is sad, but a good chunk of me is kinda relieved.

Not a funny fandom post, so feel free to skip reading this one. Tw for illness.

I just wanted to take a sec to thank all of you guys for sticking with me. Like I mentioned in this post last month, some not so great things have happened lately and this blog has been a great distraction throughout all of it. You people interacting with me (even just by liking or reblogging my stuff) has helped a lot, giving me something positive to think of.

Long story short, two months ago my dad was diagnosed with cancer, and the initial prognosis was really not a good one. I still live at home and am very close with my dad, so the news obviously made me feel really torn up. Thankfully, I live in a country with universal healthcare and on closer investigation it wasn't quite as bad as it looked at first. He's going to get operated on Tuesday and it looks like he's got a good chance of recovering fully. But things were really scary there for a bit, and I just want to say thank you.

You're all wonderful. Thank you for helping me through some rough times. 💙

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry that something like this happened in your family! I hope that everything will be fine! I just want to say that I understand your feelings very well. Exactly ten years ago, I was in the same position. My father was only 37 when he was diagnosed with this. But fortunately everything was resolved well and we tried to forget about it as a bad nightmare. Good luck to your father on Tuesday. We will all hope for the best outcome!🥺🥺🥺

Thank you. It's sad to know how many people have been in a similar situation, but it's also kind of comforting to know I'm not alone? I am fine though. Just a bit nervous for the surgery, but everything should be okay and we're all staying positive.

I'm glad everything turned out okay for your family 💙

[ ~"Service Digimons"~ ] - Digimon

A Company as saw interest in the Digimons as they could work for special works to help humans! they closely analyze each Digimon with no exception of who could work to help humans in different situations and health circumstance, Once the analysis/investigation and Training and modified Data as been made to these Digimon, they start working on help specific humans!

What contains? Sensitive Content, Mention of Death, Mention of Depression, Mention of Illness, Mention of Suicide

Can be visualized as? Guardians/Caretakers

Grizzlymon - Allergy Detector

-If the Tamer suffers allergy to fur, this Digimon (or other fur kind) is not given, but if is good to go, he does an amazing job detecting his surroundings and objects that are dangerous to his Tamer

-Are you allergic to some specific stuff? specific kinds of plants, fabrics, ingredients, and materials?, etc, this Digimon will keep his nose on alert to detect anything you are dangerous of!

-Grizzlymon will always keep you away from what hurt you and do an allergy reaction, someone offering you food? nope! he will be on the way and avoid the food touch or you smell it if he find it have something is a no no or the food in general is dangerous for you

-if sadly you get an Allergy reaction, he always has a small backpack with the medicine needed to stop it in time! if the Allergy gets soo much into your system he will fastly get you to the nearest hospital as fast as possible

Angemon - Alzheimer

-This Digimon is perfect if you suffer of a memory loss, and always makes sure you feel safe and never lost or disoriented, being around Angemon always know you will feel safe

-You forgot something? very important? Angemon is always there to remind you, or always remind you ahead before anything important, even if you lose track in the middle of nowhere he always reminds you what was you doing

-You forgot yourself? dont freak out, Angemon will be there to remind you who you are, with a lot of videos, photos, and anything that would make you click back to remember

-Angemo is your guardian angel and will be there to never forget, even if you forget stuff, you will still feel safe, knowing Angemon is there to help you, his safe aura always make you know you will never be lost

Antylamon - Guardian

-Such a big bunny protector! Antylamon is one of the best Digimon to help humans who need to keep an eye on their health due they are very fragile if they break their own limits without noticed

-What I'm referring too? expressing their emotions too much, too happy, too angry, too sad, anything is too much of they health and heart, Antylamon will be there to calm them down to avoid they health is in danger

-If they Tamer is too excited running around, Antylamon will be there to gently put his hand on the way and keep him calm, having a hard time almost like a time bomb is going to blow due how much sadness feels, Antylamon carefully cuddles with you and try to keep you clam as possible, you are in you right to cry, but do it carefully, Antylamon is worried about you!

-Antylamon will be always in your side to make sure you are in a calm state, you dont overwork yourself and you dont hurt yourself by accident, Antylamon understands if you feel limited, and will make sure you dont feel that way, will always find a way you enjoy without that feeling of be limited

ToyAgumon - Autims/ADHD

-A perfect cutie one to such Tamers! there will always joy around this little fella! you would never feel uncomfortable or weird, accepted and always belong to someone!

-ToyAgumon is perfect to help you feel safe, loud sounds? he will warn ya!, Things you can't understand? he got you! hard to keep track of things? he will give a hand! hard to socialize? dont worry! he will your voice!

-If the voices in your head are too much to take it, he will cuddle with you and be the only voice you can hear, you are close to having a meltdown? no no! he will make sure that does not happen! sure to act fast before it happens!

-He also make sure you dont overwork yourself or dont overthink yourself, you are safe! its ok!, ToyAgumon due is a block toy he the perfect toy you can use, always take him apart and put him back together! even make something new! he dont mind, as long you happy!

Oleamon - Blindness

-One of the perfect Digimons who help people who can't see! due to her long arms, can always have close and you always know she is near you, always guide you where you need to go!

-Even if the two go separate, she can emit her aroma and you will always know where to go to find her! and Oleamon can do the same, use her tongue to move in the air to try to find your scent to find you!

-You always will be protected, from any insect to anything around you that could hurt you, she always tries to describe you a vision of around you if you ask or if is necessary, mostly she will say it if she sees the place have full of stuff or have a dangerous stuff she point ou so make sure you know!

-Even is scared for others see Oleamon, that was the intention, blind people can't see a scary thing but others do, was intentionally made so people dont try to do anything funny to you, Oleamon will scarry for others but always an angel for you!

Strabimon - Deaf

-A lot of Digimon have this role, and Strabimon is no exception! With his big hands, he can help you communicate and let you know anything that is happening! you will not miss anything that others are saying!

-Is amazing to communicate, if someone wants to talk but does not know how to do sign language, Strabimon is a big help to help both sides, you with sign language and what the person is saying, and the person to translate what you are saying in sign language

-He can even describe things you dont know how sound, and music? he would tell you the meaning of the lyrics and how the music "feels", same as another kind of sounds like wood and such

-He will be the first one to take action fast if he hears something dangerous, a car coming so fast? or an explosion? anything you cant hear he fastly takes you and puts you in a safe place, of course, explaining to you what happened, you always have for sure Strabimon is there to keep you safe in a muted world

Beelzemon - Lupus (this also applies to any other kind of risk Illness)

-Dont get me wrong, when almost all digimons can help to service humans to help them, I mean it, Beelzemon is no exception to this, being a guardian to does people who have almost death sentences

-He always has his jacket full of medicine, and always knows what time you need to drink your medicine or you need to take it due to unexpected attacks, he wants you to stay in home, but he understands why his purpose, to at least bring freedom and happiness in such heavy situation

-You are mostly on his motorcycle, always slow while you are outside, rare times you can be down and walk around, mostly places Beelzemon knows you can be safe without much risk, of course, always remind you or stop you if you put you life in danger

-the good thing about having a motorcycle is if you are suffering a horrible attack and medicine is not helping, he can go fast to the nearest hospital to take you to emergency, of course, he always makes sure the way to the hospital is safe

Puppetmon - Paralysis

-Puppetmon is a good companion with people who suffer who paralysis! can be not really heavy paralysis or complete paralysis, in either case, he is there to help!

-He will help with things you can't do, put your clothes on? eat? take a bath? anything you need you cant do he will help you, he make sure to you dont think you weak for be that way, is not your fault and never will

-the choice was not randomly, thanks to Puppetmon wires he can help paralysis people to try to move, any part of the body cant move, will do small training session, using you as a puppet but for help you your body move, carefully and make sure you are not hurt

-if the small training session is working out, seeing the result your body slowly is responding back to your orders, Puppetmon will let you do the work to you get better, he will continue helping you, but will be less and less as see things are getting better, and mostly he happy and proud of you are recovering!

Swanmon - Parental Figure

-This Digimon is perfect you ever loss a parental figure or never have a parent, Swanmon will be that parental figure you never have, always make you feel welcome and love you as you was her child all along

-She will be your voice of reason, helping you in decisions a parental figure always do, always asking you about your day, if you are ok, you need something? she made you some snacks!

-You can always count she will be there if you need to cry a shoulder, dont feel ashamed, she there for you and to hear you, helping you and clean does tears, she always make sure you are ok to cry

-Never feel ashamed of having Swammon as your Service Digimon, everyone deserves to have a parental figure, no matter how independent you are, family is part of everyone's life, and is ok to depend on them sometimes

Monzaemon - Depression

-Monzaemon is one of the popular Digimon when comes to depression! a very carrying Digimon, always make sure you are happy and mostly accepted! is almost like being near him you space out of the horrible world

-Monzaemon will slow with you, helping you part of part what is the cause of your depression, what are the things you are that way and try to fix it, if are things is out of his hand he try to change it to better things or found solucions in long term will be fix! anything of could be, will find a way to fix it

-He will advoid anything could be dangerous, knifes very high place, things can be use as a White weapon, High places and such is a big no no, you will always have a ballon on your back, mostly to Monzaemon keep track of you and if you even try to jump on a high place, welp, enjoy floating until you arrive to the floor

-He only uses his attack ´Heart Attacks´ if is need it, if you was going to do something very dangerous he cant stop you right there, using Heart Attacks to keep you inside of the heart bubble and having only happy feelings, to prevent you to do a mistake you will regret

couronnez​:

Vasily’s glance flicks to the pill box before her on the table, surprised at how casually she was handling the situation. If he would have to take any kind of medication, he’d likely feel ashamed like no other. He admires her for it. It’s brave. It’s probably just a normal task for her but he finds himself drawn to her more and more as he thinks about it. This smile is reserved for her and her only, no one else has ever seen him this charming before. He isn’t Nikolai but he knowns his way around such situations. He grew up with him after all. That’s why he notices the waiter’s stares, too. He was looking at her like he had done too the first time he’d met. All hearts in his eyes. Jealously rises in him quietly, feeling offended that the other man would even dare to gaze at his date in such an affectionate way. His attention switches back to her as she orders, deciding to ignore the waiter for now, not wanting to get into an argument on his first time taking out someone in a long time. Seafood. She’s allergic to seafood. Just like that he knows what he is going to avoid from now on.

Vasily is just short from lashing out as he watches the waiter continue to sweet talk, glad beyond measure that she doesn’t seem to realize the vain attempts of his.

She’s here because of you.

He thinks and knows that it’s the truth. He could offer the world and if not all of it, he had Russia. That ought to be enough.

I tend to get thirsty when I’m nervous.

Vasily melts at those words. Just like that he’s gone. Smiling. His bright blue eyes afire, brimming with enthusiasm.

❝ I’ll have the same. ❞

No thank you. No please. Vasily only has eyes for Ehri and when the waiter is finally gone, he leans forward slightly to talk to her.

❝ I think I am gonna have some of that water, too. ❞

An attempt to make her feel at ease. Show her safety. Show her a bit of the vulnerability he rarely ever allows himself to wear.

❝ At least a bit of healthiness because I don’t like salads.❞

Vasily has been called a silly toddler by Nikolai several times because he’s the person to pick the greens out of his food. If there’s a remotely vegetable looking shape on it, he will not eat it. Blame his upbringing for it but his father had done it the same way.

He gifts Ehri another one of his smile’s and settles back into his chair.

Ehri has no shame regarding her illness. When you spend years thinking you were fine only for your own heart to let you down, you learn a thing or two about vulnerability. When you’re forced to slow down, be anchored to a bed and look Death in the eyes, suddenly there’s no room for playing pretend anymore. You just get to be utterly vulnerable, utterly yourself. At first, it is terrifying, paralyzing. To let people see you that way. Pale as death, struggling to even breathe. You can do nothing else than stare at the ceiling and think. Think about all the time you’ve wasted pretending your life away. About how many times you said i’m fine, thank you but never meant any of it. When you have to rely on people for your basic needs, you eventually learn to accept the help of others, to welcome it. Ehri won’t pretend anymore, not when it comes to her health. She can pretend she likes Business Management and Economics until she’s done with college, until she manages to gain some independence. This internship is her very first job since her days as a model. And she’d like to believe her impeccable grades got her this position but she’s also aware Tatiana Lantsov and her mom Keyen Kir-Taban have been talking. Talking marriage and grandkids. The other day she was supposed to have a date with Nikolai Lantsov at the Lantsov mansion. Date he canceled (thank god!) because of a family emergency, something about his cousin Rasmus falling down a staircase. And now—— Well, now, she was sitting at a table in a fine Italian restaurant on a date with Vasily Lantsov, CEO of Lantsov Corp AND Nikolai’s brother. What a weird funny universe she had just walked in. She wasn’t complaining though. 

He’ll have the same, he says. No please. No thank you. She would’ve thought it was rude of him—— if she didn’t see his blue eyes afire like that. Damn. She catches her breath. Am i doing this? I—— I haven’t done anything. I’m not even trying. He’ll take some of that water. She smiles at that, understanding that’s his way of saying he’s nervous, too. Adorable.  ❛ Maybe we should’ve order two then. ❜ She teases, feeling more at ease already. She wonders if he really likes the paccheri al forno or if he was just too wonderstruck by her just  e x i s t i n g  that he couldn’t come up with another order. She also notes that he didn’t take seafood either, like he was planning to at first. Because he wants to be safe. Because he wants ME to be safe. And she smiles at that too. Out of the blue. Because that thought alone makes her all fuzzy inside. And, just like that, she forgets she’s an intern and he’s the CEO. They’re just two nervous people on a date sharing a meal together and getting to know each other. He says he doesn’t like salads and she’s genuinely curious. ❛ Well, i cannot blame you for that. Lettuce on its own is pretty boring. There’s various types of cold dishes you might like though, if you’re willing to try. You just have to find the right fit for you. ❜ Her voice is soft and her tone not at all moralizing or patronizing. She isn’t there to turn him into a veggies lover. She just lets him know that the options are there and he can explore if he wishes to. No pressure. ❛ I’ve been on various diets in the past. Some of them I'm not really proud of…❜ She pauses, fiddling with the corner of her napkin. Being a model isn’t as glamorous as the magazines made it out to be. The industry is slowly killing its people with drug usage and insane diets and poisoning the youth with unrealistic beauty standards. She got rid of those habits though. The meal skipping thing, the eating disorder. She didn’t have the choice. With her health condition, it would’ve killed her. That’s a great wake up call there. Death. At least, for her, it was enough. You don’t want to die before your twenties. Especially if there’s a way you can avoid it. ❛ But i’ve learned from those experiences. And i’ve found that the best diet is eating what you love. One shouldn’t look at their plate and think ugh not again or ugh disgusting. I know i won’t be thinking that when i see my plate. And i won’t be feeling guilty about ALL THAT CHEESE either.❜ She giggles, toffee eyes gleaming with pure joy. 

couronnez​:

❝ Maybe we should have. ❞

He laughs, a sound that slips so very easily over his lips. It hasn’t, in a long time, he missed it. Just .. living. Being himself and unapologetically so. The food is long forgotten, a minuscule thing on an evening like this, with her sitting vis-à-vis from him. Her presence was mesmerizing. Otherworldly capturing. A moment spent in quiet, with him just taking in her sight, the beauty of her face and then -

❝I have yet to find something I truly like. But … ❞

He leans forward, conspiratorially, his smile widening so easily, it was clear he was no stranger to doing so. Mischief gleams in his eyes. A desire. He wants her to like him. To meet the TRUE Vasily Lanstov. Not the CEO of Lantsov Corporation.

❝ Perhaps, you could show me? ❞

She might, she might not. It doesn’t matter. He is not keen on finding out whether he likes salad or not - as long as it is made by her he will eat it. That’s the whole deal. Flirting and flirting shamelessly but hiding it away with an expertise previously unknown to him.

Then the conversation turns serious again. It’s about her past. Her modeling career. Vasily understands the struggles, the pain. He knows what she must have been through, starving herself to stay thin. To stay photogenic. What nonsense. Vasily thinks he has never seen a prettier woman in his life before.

❝ You shouldn’t. Absolutely not. You’re perfect … ❞

HE DID NOT. He didn’t just say that, did he? Those few words. Vasily holds her glance despite it all. Feverishly. His blue orbs filled with desire. Need. Longing.

❝ Your- … your looks I mean. Impeccable.❞

He smiles, hides it insecurity behind a layer of charm. Suddenly he wishes for nothing more but his wine. To calm his nerves. His heart is racing behind his sternum, his chest aching with the stress of it all but he doesn’t care. Cannot care. Not when he is so mesmerized by the woman sitting across from him.

❝ Anyway … may I ask … what those pills are for? ❞

That laugh. It had startled her. In the right way. It was beautiful, genuine. Nothing she’d had expected from the all famous Vasily Lantsov who’d gotten so drunk years ago he’d spilled his drink on her sister Makhi who was his date at the time. I have yet to find something I truly like, he’d said. She’d thought it was sad at first, sad that he hadn’t yet found something he truly enjoyed. But then he had leaned forward as if to share a secret with her. Perhaps, you could show me? he had said. And she had known he wasn’t just talking about salads. She’d looked down, shyly, as a smile spread across her pink lips. ❛ Perhaps i will. ❜ She had uttered, fiddling with the corner of her napkin before she’d talked about her past. 

Toffee eyes were locked with blue ones. You’re perfect. Those are dangerous words. She slightly shifted on her seat, a nervous laugh escaping her. She didn’t know what to say or how to reply to this. Honestly, she didn’t think she was perfect. And didn’t aspire to be either. Not anymore. She knew he meant it well but something still stirred inside of her. It’s a compliment, the little voice whispered. Just take it and move on. ❛ Thanks. Many say the same about you, Mister Elected Most Eligible Bachelor of Russia. ❜ She ends up saying, hoping the smile and the teasing would dissipate her discomfort. He didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Get over it!  But she can’t. Lips part again and she’s about to open up about the situation but he suddenly wonders about the pills. ❛ Oh. ❜ She says, picking up the little pill box. She’s relieved. This is something she can talk about without tiptoeing. ❛ Those are Plavix. Well, blood thinners. I take them to prevent heart diseases. I’ve had issues with my heart in the past and had surgery to fix it. ❜ She explains. She is totally open about it. No shame, no discomfort. She’s at ease. ❛ I’m okay now though. Well, i still need to be careful but with the medication i can pretty much live my life as fully as before. ❜ She smiles. A reassuring one. She wants to reassure him. Let him know that she’s alright now and won’t die on him or anything, since she knows a lot of people get scared off whenever she speaks up about it.

just saw a wizard laugh with a voice not his own and say “the NyQuil hours approacheth thee”

damn this head-sickness is fucking with me

This is... a bit angstier than what I usually make- I've been feeling bad this week, and I guess the drawing took on a life of its own ^^''

Made for a request in the Inky Mystery Server.

I can imagine a retelling of Dracula where what Jonathan really encountered in Transylvania was a village struck by a devastating illness that primarily killed infants. The terrifying women who he sees murder a baby are nurses removing a child who has died of the disease; the mother is wild with natural but inconsolable grief. Rather than seeing her ravaged by wolves, he witnessed her suicide. The thing on the Demeter is likewise this illness; the "brain fever" which would explain the "hallucinations" Jonathan and then the crew and captain experience. All that's missing is a couple of scenes showing the transmission of the disease--to the sailors, to Lucy--and you could cut from the reality of it to the hallucinations people afflicted suffer from. It would be a very interesting adaptation, I think.

And pretty timely for our current age, as well.

Fascinating to me how Dracula goes from this regular personified, well, person, into this sort of... Formless, malevolent disease; A faceless and nameless horror, not quite tangible and feeling more like a curse than a physical monster walking around. It’s surreal and even though we KNOW of Dracula, even if you knew nothing until you read the book, even if you read it in the proper order because Jonathan’s journal comes first; It’s still unsettling how Dracula has become this messed up, briefly glimpsed idea of an approaching malady. Like the inevitability of death and doctors and loved ones doing all they can to stave it off.

He almost doesn’t feel real within his own narrative, like maybe Dracula really is just Lucy’s sleep demon that her mind has made up to rationalize and explain this inexplicable condition of hers; Which just adds to her uncertainty and the dream-like surrealism of it all, that gaslights Lucy into not talking about what happened and causes her to forget. Dracula’s like a cryptid you barely catch in the dark with shining red eyes, you can’t quite pin him down because he’s so undefined and thus protean. He’s like a hallucination, an omen of death; A mere visualization of a much deeper and untouchable force, given a face to mock victims with, existing only within the mind because the illness exists in the body like a parasite. It’s creepy.

Only for you. (Koba x Human child Reader)

Summary : Koba was hunting but found a child and after some internal battling, he choose to take care of it.

Extra : Gender neutral reader, reader is around 6-7 ish? Its somewhat in the beginning of dawn, so after the bear scene?- You can speak but from an illness, it's difficult to.

Koba was just hunting on his own for something to eat. He had waited too long to eat and and food was gone by the time he went to grab something..

But a cry scared off the deer he was about to catch. He was furious so he went to investigate what caused the disruption, only to come face to face with a human child.

He glared at them but it made them whimper, partly because they also fell on their wound which made him feel the smallest amount of what.. Was this care?

After much thought, he decided to take them in. So he carefully hauled up the child on his horse and they went off, off to saftey. Koba was also somewhat curious on why the child said nothing, but didn't care enough to ask.

There were many eyes on him as he got off his horse, carrying the child in one of his arms. He quickly went to the balcony where he saw Maurice and Caesar signing with eachother. Catching both of their attention.

'Who is this?' Maurice signed first while walking over to Koba. 'Child, from the woods.' He signed back. Caesar was just in some form of shock and confusion.

'We should treat their wounds. Get them cleaned up too.' He signed. The village must have freaked out since they weren't expecting KOBA of all apes to bring a human in.

You were afraid of the apes, they did look pretty cool but you were scared if they were gonna hurt you.

But after you were cleaned up by the one who brought you to the place. As well as help you heal your wound, you did trust them.

You learned their names, but you also knew they were curious on why you didn't speak. You didn't blame them because a lot of other kids could, either way the Bonobo you now saw as your semi-father figure taught you to sign.

'Why do you not speak?' Koba asked. The child now known to be (Y/N) hasn't spoken at all during the weeks they've been here, "sick." They managed to speak out, their voice was scratchy but also pure. He had nodded, nothing to tell the others.

You had been kept in the village where you had been cared for, it was a happy life with your stuffed animal another ape had learned to make and gave to you. And would always have your little moments with your father that you loved. And comforted him with many hugs when he was angry at the world.

And he was kind, But Only for you.