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Blue Serenity: Phase 1 Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies

i. hollow nights. ii. flower. iii. invisible. iv. blue emissions. v. do you? vi. help me now. vii. only me. viii. dreams. ix. control. x. paradise. xi. midnight. xii. nightwalker. xiii. someday. xiv. hollow nights II.

Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies (1/2)

Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies (2/2)

Prologue

Waking up to a world unveiled before him, he felt lost and hopeless. Losing sight of the memories that preceded him and those he shared space with, he looked around to the realities of circumstance, breathing in the horror of the surrounding world.

He was trapped in a dark world on his own. A world so potentially beautiful, but cursed with dark energy that lurked on every corner. The night persisted with streets cold and empty as he walked for miles in search for a reason to believe he had a purpose to live out in this space. But with every step and each waking thought, an endless stream of doubt and fatigue filled his mind until he was rendered incapable of any other feeling.

“Perhaps there was once love here,” he thought. If indeed true, something catastrophic had certainly taken place and ravaged a community that was once so free. The cages he lived within suffocated him beyond his control. Yet, he was filled with immense hope and held onto the dream that one day he could break out of the darkness and regain control of his path once and for all.

Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies

written by Dan Roberts

Hollow Nights.

There used to be bright lights before we all went to sleep We used to imagine a future but we were indeed so naïve This used to be our kingdom before the destruction came to be Our castle turned to ruin and now there is glass at our feet

I heard all the legends of those who came before me about a time beautifully alive where the people were proud to be There was sun and gorgeous flowers and smiles always showed through But then the fateful storm came one night and our light turned midnight blue

I cannot imagine a place that was not like this The streets are dark and very cold and it is all I know I keep moving my feet forward passed the rubble and debris This town is tainted from devastated memories and they continue to follow me down every street and alleyway, rendering me smaller and lonelier by the day There will never be a future if this continues to be my home I must escape before its depression takes its toll

I hope to one day find a light that guides me towards a paradise because I simply refuse to believe that this is all that is meant for me I was meant to adventure in beautiful fields and avenues This cannot be all I forever live and know; there must be a path for my lost soul

I will make a wish and send it out into the sky for peace to exist and I will not dare ask for reasons why All that I want is to see the life beyond the tide The gorgeous sights of a brighter life that is not here

Mark my words, I will acquaint it someday

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 1 Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies #1

written by Dan Roberts

Flower.

I am a delicate flower that blooms in bright colours and wilts as the time goes by because nothing lasts forever and despite all my potential beauty, I always rest in dark by the night

I cannot seem to handle real life and tend to do anything to simulate being alive because I am a man inside his feelings not aware of the way he should be living, rolling with the punches day by day

I never speak to others for it is all too hard I long to share my interests and dreams so they can see the cool sides of me but all that I do is fail because I get tongue-tied and quiet I really want to be the man I know that I can be instead of the actor crying in between the scenes

When I do not thrive in the natural ways, I water myself differently

I get high and I drink Frankly, I will do anything to avoid thinking Perhaps this is the way I have always been though I wish that was not true at all

But despite the darkness I know to be alive and true, I understand that I want to change for I do not want to be the same as the boy I was just yesterday What can I do to make it all go away?

Today, I pray that one day this will never be the same I am going to let it all pour away and hope to see paradise after the rain

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 1 Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies #2

written by Dan Roberts

Invisible.

I have sat reluctantly in many rooms that have represented stormy seas because being present amongst human beings leads to difficult breathing But I try everyday to conquer my personal hell I attempt to believe in all the good within myself but wind up incomplete As I walk into these endless rooms, I view the looks of the crowd of people staring at me and judging me, making me feel as though I cannot be myself I often ponder that if I were not human, everything would be safe and sound for I could go on and live my life freely without having to care at all

The glares examine my body up and down and I can see through them, smoke clear with their thoughts that scream so loud I imagine them wishing for me to cease to exist without a sound

You may be wondering why, but the information is as clear as day

I have been beaten, bruised, torn apart and been refused I have been robbed of my peace and I feel so unfree Although I am trying to make it through, all I encounter is darkness and blues because the world can feel so cold when you are invisible

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 1 Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies #3

written by Dan Roberts

Blue Emissions.

I am lost in between a life lived and a lonely present, struggling to meet the road that will lead me into betterment All that I thought I knew has been wiped away along with the knowledge that communicates who I am I do not seem to know much these days

There is a past I know must exist for I have gathered all the necessary evidence by residing in a body, living at this current moment Yet, I feel disconnected to all its continuity because my brain is unreliable and my mind is preoccupied with constant information overwhelming my system each and every day

What I do know is that I am freshly eighteen, young and alive but my surroundings are constantly bleak and dry, overloaded by undersaturated moods coloured in constant doom If I were surrounded by love and laughter, I would never know Being distracted and hypnotized, I am oblivious to other life forms alive and my memories are fleeting, dissipating from my consciousness as each of my pure petals fall

Soon, I will be nothing at all I already feel as though I am

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 0 Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies #4

written by Dan Roberts

Do You?

Do you ever wake from a nightmare and feel all your bones shake? Do the tears never stop streaming until your eyes turn crimson red? Do you fear yourself potentially aiding in your own destruction? Do you sometimes wish you could create an end to the never-ending days?

I have been there, my sweet darling I know exactly what it is like Do you ever wonder if everything will ever get better than this?

I do

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 0 Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies #5

written by Dan Roberts

Help Me Now.

Today, I felt it again The familiar hole I am always buried in I tried to pick myself up within but I am falling down under and feel so helpless

Today I feel frozen I am paralyzed and do not think I will feel again because no matter what I take or where I go, I feel lost to the point of no return and fear I will never find my home

I have been searching for the light inside but my darkness overcomes me and I long to hide Can someone save me? I can feel myself falling down into the trenches Buried by my endless sadness, I have been suffering for what has felt like ages

I beg of someone to come and help me now

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 1 Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies #6

written by Dan Roberts

Dreams.

Pacing, racing I never miss a beat Tossing, turning I never seem to sleep The thoughts keep reoccurring as I wonder lately why the world keeps on suffocating me until I can hardly breathe I just want somebody to help me because I am all alone

Drinking, thinking with too much in my head Shaking, aching I can hardly stand I have been wanting to evolve my entire life so that it finally feels good to be alive I want to cease the crying but I am so tired of fighting and feeling alone

I wish I could drift off and create my perfect life I would take you with me to stand right by my side No one would see us dancing with the stars above Our hearts and these scars are what my brightest dreams are made of

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 1 Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies #7

written by Dan Roberts

Only Me.

It is another lonely night where I am stuck inside of my head, wishing somebody was here beside me in this bed This occurs constantly and never seems to go away You are leaving me here tonight though I wish I could make you stay

In the end there is me, only me A naked soul trying to find my way home but I feel lost, not knowing how to find my road Can somebody help me stay afloat?

I am drowning on my own trying to get by, watching the world pass me by Sometimes I do not think that it is worth trying anymore so I think of packing my things to go, leaving behind a closed door

Because in the end there is me, only me

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 1 Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies #8

written by Dan Roberts

Paradise.

I hurt myself because I was bored Good mental health can feel like such a chore but I still love myself despite how I behave I just need a little bit of help Don’t we all?

Darling, I cannot ever escape this dark, this hole, this unpredictable world of unknowns but I pray everyday to awake in a different state

I have spent a lifetime searching for a paradise A place bright blue and true that is so hard to find It turns out paradise was a gorgeous lie but I am holding onto hope I will find it in time I lay within the intentions I send out to the sky, imagining a vision of true paradise

I will find it in time

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 1 Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies #10

written by Dan Roberts

Midnight.

Blue, beautiful midnight blue where dreams begin and darkness looms where I find myself staring from my place on shaky ground, longing to be found

Star lights echo down onto me, reminding me of endless possibilities seemingly beyond my limited reach The shadows follow me constantly onto every empty street I meet but despite their sabotaging, I understand that I possess the compass of destiny I wonder, how can I trust its movement when none of this seems to matter anyway?

I will be on my way, someday into something larger than me, something better than all I currently know so well Somewhere where all these colours brighten and all I can see are sunshine and waterfalls I understand that one day I will meet everything except the dark and cold I currently know

—

Blue Serenity: Phase 1 Hollow Nights Under Starry Skies #11

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➺ Introduction :

This book isn’t really a book.

It’s more of a diary, a journal. In this I will simply put not only my opinion but my thoughts, precisely my train of thoughts.

Why you may ask. Simply because thinking is something I do a lot, maybe too much. I am what you may call an over-thinker. Even though most of the time I perceive it as some sort of curse for making me dwell on things too much, I sometimes find myself being impressed by how much one can think, by how one’s mind can go far and fast. So during one of my never ending insomnias I thought, why not write down those thoughts, those things you think or ask yourself about. It might actually help me write better and take away a bit of the burden that are those overwhelming thoughts, and maybe someone, like you dear reader, might relate to the things I write. Therefore I decided to give it a shot and simply put my mind into words, or at least I’ll try.

I don’t wish to speak too long in this introduction for fear of boring away some potential readers, not that I really care if actual people are going to read this or not, but I do have two more things to add.

First, I feel like I have to precise that I have not been an English speaker since birth. It’s a uselessly complicated way to say that I am still in the process of learning this language but I love it and I feel much more at ease writing in this universal language than my mother tongue. So my bad if I make some mistakes I try to proof read as much as I can usually but because I think in this journal I’ll just write as it comes I might make more mistakes that I might not see.

And finally, I simply wanted to address the meaning of the title. I always struggle to find titles for my books and novels, so most of the time I settle for something a bit abstract but still linked to the matter at hand.

Consequently, I decided to title this (whatever this is) ‘𝐏𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐬’ because in French those flowers are named ‘Pensées’ which also means ‘thoughts’.

I originally thought of a word play with ‘forget me not’ and ‘forget me notes’ because I personally write a lot of what's on my mind in the notes app on my phone... Am I the only one to do that?... Anyway…

To conclude, as I said somewhere above, I don’t really care if nobody actually ends up reading this, I might even keep it to myself, but if you are really there my dear reader and it is not myself reading this page over and over again in order to find a reason to do something about this manuscript, I hope you will enjoy this, whatever this is, and if you don’t I hope at least I will enjoy it.

✿❀✿

🔺Original work, please do not steal or copy. Thanks.🔺

❀ Pansy n°1 = F*cking writer’s block.

I really enjoy writing.

Like a lot.

I think it’s because I have a lot on my mind and I thrive to get it out of my head. Like I don’t want to lose the ideas I have so I try to write as much as I can somewhere, everywhere. I literally have a note on my phone titled ‘Story ideas’ , and up to this date (the time I’m writing this) I collected twelve ideas without counting this book, or whatever this is. I have some ideas that are way more developed than others and some that are just fun things I thought about, but I feel like I could do so much with each of them. And I want, I really want to use all those amazing ideas and make them into the novels they deserve to be, but sadly… It always ends the same.

You see, dear reader, there is some sort of pattern that seems to come back in my life as a wannabe writer. Most of the time it starts with me having a dream or a daydream about whatever came to my mind this day. Then I realize that I really like what I’m imagining, that it’s actually really interesting and maybe it could grow into something more. So I continue to think about it for days, weeks, months, sometimes years and I end up with a full on story of ten novels and even a sequel (I may exaggerate a bit, but only a bit). And here I am, attached to this universe I created, to these characters I watched growing up and all the important events of their adventures I want everyone to know about, and I’ll be heartbroken to just leave it at that. To just leave it as a simple fantasy, a dream, a figment of my subconscious. I cannot possibly let it be forgotten, because I’ll inevitably forget it if I do not act and do something to keep it somewhere, anywhere. So comes the time to write, to finally put into words this story, this scenario that was entirely made up by myself and my creative mind.

Yet, when I finally have the motivation to write something, anything, this so-called motivation never comes alone. It always comes with it. You might be confused as to who or what I’m talking about dear reader. Well, I am talking about this horrible realization that writing is difficult as f*ck.

In fact, I always end up being lost in all the details of my stories. I always end up realizing that I thought of things, but not everything, and that I have now to choose the right words, the right grammar, the right phrasing to accurately depict the world, the characters and the adventures I have created. And this dear reader is so very hard.

Then I also have to think about all that’s in between the big events of the story to tone down the dose of action in the script, to show the character development, to exploit the characters' relationships and make the readers like them as well as relate to them. At this point, writing seems like a chore, a big task that is too hard for me to actually be able to finish.

Admitting that I actually started something and didn’t give up just messily writing down notes on a random notebook, I never seem to end up writing things that I like. Writing becomes stress inducing because I constantly think about what I have to write down after this exact moment for it to make sense and how I have to make some details pop out but not too obvious for the reader to notice them but not understand their importance. All in all my thoughts, ideas and anxiety create this jumbled mess in my head and I am incapable of writing.

To this date I have three started and unfinished projects. One that I started when I was like 12 or 13 and actually finished (well at least the first book or season because it was written as a screenplay) after having started at least four or five different versions of it. But as time flew by I ended up hating what I wrote so I decided to start it all over again this time as a novel. Yet I didn’t get far because I started questioning the originality and interest of this story that was in fact kind of childish. It was very important to me because it was the first ever thing I wrote down and I loved it dearly, but I inevitably left it aside.

Then much later I started thinking of this thriller based on a nightmare I had. So with one of my sisters we wrote everything down about the plot, the characters, the universe, etc… I even started writing but I never went past the first chapter. I was just unable to. I wanted to, really, because it has a lot of potential and I wanted it done but I dreaded writing about it because I couldn’t come up with correct phrasing and ideas of filler chapters. I was also so far ahead in my mind, already thinking of what could happen in the second book of this saga. I’m always thinking too far, too fast. So I have a second draft lying around on my computer.

Finally, recently I decided that I wanted to truly finish a book, that I was going to do it, and in order to do just that I thought of a simple love story which could fit in a tiny and single book. Like that no thinking ahead and finishing with ideas for an infinite number of books. So I took notes of ideas as they came, created the characters and found their visuals, all of that in a very short amount of time and I loved doing it. I was thrilled! It felt good to be able to do things so fast and smoothly. Then I started writing, it went well, I was inspired and I liked how I wrote, but came chapter 7 and I stopped completely because I was once again starting to complicate the task at hand. I was either distracted or not inspired or just lazy. So I stopped and a third unfinished draft joined my computer.

Whenever I want I could go back to either of those drafts and continue them, because deep down I know I am capable of doing it, of writing but I can’t seem to do so. I am just stuck with overflowing ideas but the incapability of fully writing things down. It s*cks… And it makes me feel incapable.

So I just have one thing to say: f*ck writer’s block.

✿❀✿

🔺Original work, please do not steal or copy. Thanks.🔺

- notify me if there are typos ;)