From Rudy Franciscos Book, HELIUM.

From Rudy Francisco’s book, HELIUM.

Down The Rabbit Hole

And fuck me here I go

Head first because if

I'm going to self destruct

It may as well be with you.

It was inevitable.

Resignation

A palmfull of pills I count them, pink first one two three four, then blue one two. A chemical cocktail choked down, what is smooth past my lips always sticks a bit in my throat; my nightly rosary one two three four one two.

I don't have to take them, no one makes me. Think of how much better it could be - I could cum again and wouldn't sleep so much. It would be so easy to just

Leave pink in the bottle flush blue down the toilet, miserable little beads and then I think

Of pressing skin to skin against his beauty, magnificent man beast and his smile that has me coming undone, the smile that I would do anything for and the tightness, the safety in his arms and his vibrance and lust for life itself and the nightmare that is destabilizing and the maelstrom of insanity lurking just the other side of chemical freedom and I

Swallow them one by one I count my prayer pink one two three four blue one two.

I Call Bullshit

He said it was bullet proof.

The Medicine of my People

I go to see my dad; I collapse on his chest ugly crying, harsh and jagged.

My father, he is not an emotional man. My father does the only thing he can think of-

he hands me a kitten.