Clearly I Am A Creature Of Habit: I'm Back In The Same Restaurant Having Lunch.

Clearly I am a creature of habit: I'm back in the same restaurant having lunch.

If I ran into someone we both knew, he interrogated me about the interaction looking for any whisper of something he didn't like. I'm trying to cover my bases.

The woman here was his friend's wife. I didn't like him - had a predator's vibe, plus openly self-serving. I liked her, but he told me she was just as conniving (truth?).

He would have been particularly interested in this conversation for it's likelihood to get back to his other friends. I remember the dread when I realized she was at the next table, and tried to be as unmemorable as possible.

I also insulted the friend because I knew that he didn't like her.

Muscle Memory

Exhaustion is a trigger. It makes my body think that I'm going to see him. It vibrates lightly with fretful anticipation and dread.

When my phone rings, i get tense. If it's a number I don't recognize, I panic.

Another one of those things people think I should just be 'over.'

He cut me off a year ago today.

Best thing he probably ever did for me.

I just woke up in my bed. In our bed. The paint,the furniture, the sounds. All our home. i could feel his leg against mine.

I wish i could say repulsion is what I feel. It's longing.

Amazing

Tw - sexual assault

I had a fling with a boy who lived two doors over when i was in highschool. We met up for sex once and a while. I usually snuck in his bedroom window.

Once when we were 16, he tried to fist me despite me being adament and vocal that this was not something I wanted or was enjoying. He failed and I squirmed away.

He just moved back in with his parents too. Meaning we, once again, live two doors away from one another.

Amazing.