I Just Want To Thank You For Sharing Your Experience And Recovery. I've Been With My Husband For 20 Years.

I just want to thank you for sharing your experience and recovery. I've been with my husband for 20 years. The marriage is sexless because of his refusal to take care of himself for years and years as well as he is emotionally and verbally abusive. He never hits me but sometimes will pretend that he is going to or throw things at me and humiliate me. I'm in therapy and trying to be strong and leave but I don't know how yet. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you. ❤️

You sent this to me ages ago and I didn't have it in me to respond at the time. I'm sorry for that. I am also sorry for your current circumstances. Abuse is abuse and you don't need to try to fit your experience on some sort of spectrum of terribleness. It's all terrible. You deserve so much better and only he can be to blame for his treatment of you.

Leaving is complicated and difficult. You're incredibly brave and unbelievably strong for considering it and contemplating the steps to make it happen. But if you're not ready yet, it's ok. Leave when it's right for you.

In the meantime, know that you are worthy, exactly as you are right now. You are important and not those awful things he and your brain try to tell you.

Thank you for messaging me. It was so good of you to reach out.

-EDG

He did not understand sentimental value. I keep little things that people give me or that remind me of special times.

Some people keep pictures in this way. These things are fabrics in the tapestry of your history But not to him. Junk. Hoarding. Wasting space.

His mom gave him old pictures of him and his family. He didn't care and was really angry when I insisted we keep them. So he made me hold on to them, and here I am still holding on to them out of guilt.

These things are all sacred. I am having such a terrible time trying to throw them out.

I wonder how I would handle the normal day to day stress of life he hadn't been manipulating me to distrust and hate myself in the formative years of my early adulthood.

Most people learn coping skills during those years; they figure out how to 'get on with it' in the face of challenges.

I don't have coping skills except for avoidance. Distraction. Or I sweat and visualize all the ways I'm going to screw this up or not have the skills to be successful.

I am defeated before I begin.

Was I always like this?

He used to tell me that if I tried to say no to sex that I was being manipulative. My witholding was "punishing" him in an emotionally abusive way.

So I'd wipe the tears off my face, take a few deep breaths and let him have whatever he wanted.

I can smile and turn on the charm and climb on top of your dick five minutes after you called me a useless cunt. I’m so good at at “ getting over it ” for you; I can swallow my pain and rage for an eternity.

I was off for a few months owing to covid. It was the first time I have taken an extended breath since I was a teenager.

It gave the trauma time to catch up to me. I feel it all. I am so damn tired.