Yesterday

Yesterday

I saw a lawyer this week as he has been hoarding some things that are mine and he agreed to give me.  There’s some money involved.

We had a separation agreement that I absolutely signed under duress.  If I signed, he would work toward taking me back and my money wouldn’t be wasted.  If I did not, he would sell the house for next to nothing, give me as little as he could (nothing if possible), ruin my reputation and disappear. Keep in mind this was at the beginning when I was inconsolable with guilt after what he’d caught me doing.  

So he got everything.  However we made an agreement on a few items, the ones he’s currently holding hostage.

The lawyer estimates my fight to cost thousands in legal and court fees - likely more than the value of the things. She also thinks my claim for the stuff is shaky at best in terms of the law as well.  So I could spend a whole lot of money and still not have them in the end.

In short, I’m fucked.

Sad Things.

I found a list of names. If things had been different and I had a girl, we would have called her Alice.

Say g’bye to sleep this week.

He contacted one of my friends today.

I haven’t gotten back to him about the tax document yet (yeah, I procrastinated/avoided/ whatever you want to call it). He messaged one of the few friends of mine that he was fairly well acquainted with.

She doesn’t know about the abuse.  I really do adore her, but she lives out of town and talking about it never seemed like the right time.  Plus, she’s a confident, successful, strong and I really admire her; I’ll admit that I can feel intimidated by her, and I’m not sure she’d understand. 

Though I believe she understands him a little more after his escapade tonight.

Words matter to him.  She told him that I wasn’t responding because this was a busy time of year for me and because I was “moving on.” 

We all knew where this was going. 

So, being reasonable, she told him to mail it to me.  He responded that he’s going to drop it off. Can’t wait to see him at the door.  :D 

Did you know that he had the nerve to tell her that he was worried about me?

“Your next boyfriend is going to be so lucky.  You might be worth something by then.”

Landscaping 2: A confession

Same TMI warning as on my previous post.

There are moments where I feel like I’m making progress.  Then there are times when I think a little harder and I realize that I am so far from healed.

I don’t shave anymore.  I wax because it hurts more.  And pain is penance.

Another Middle Finger

He forbade me from ever going to a bar again. "There is nothing for you there."

I went dancing tonight for the first time in years. My ears are ringing, my feet hurt, and I had a bit of a panic on the two occasions I was approached by males doing the mating ritual. But I had.... fun?

I might go again.