Fucked - Tumblr Posts
A swift breeze to my house of cards
He took the new one on what should have been our trip.
I won't ever be interested in going to St. Lucia now.
He blames me for his broken heart and life of hardship. He blames me for everything.
I have learned to shoulder all of his disappointments, all of the hurt, all of the blame. They are the only things of ours that are still mine
While helping him rebuild his basement, he got angry at me. He threw a 2x4 at me; it hit me in the shin. I have a tiny scar, but the memory has been seared into my brain for eternity.
Yesterday
I saw a lawyer this week as he has been hoarding some things that are mine and he agreed to give me. There’s some money involved.
We had a separation agreement that I absolutely signed under duress. If I signed, he would work toward taking me back and my money wouldn’t be wasted. If I did not, he would sell the house for next to nothing, give me as little as he could (nothing if possible), ruin my reputation and disappear. Keep in mind this was at the beginning when I was inconsolable with guilt after what he’d caught me doing.
So he got everything. However we made an agreement on a few items, the ones he’s currently holding hostage.
The lawyer estimates my fight to cost thousands in legal and court fees - likely more than the value of the things. She also thinks my claim for the stuff is shaky at best in terms of the law as well. So I could spend a whole lot of money and still not have them in the end.
In short, I’m fucked.
So not only did he calculate an acceptable amount of violence, I was reprimanded for my skin not adhering to these standards.
Blamed for my bruises
Every time he left a mark he became distraught. I would have to invest so much energy into consoling him - telling him it would be alright, I’d wear a turtleneck. No one would know.
He told me that he made calculated decisions about how hard to throw, squeeze, or hit and I was just too fragile.
Marks just showed up on my skin far too easy.
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