Tony Crynight - Tumblr Posts
"You know, it's awful when people avoid you, when people hate you... You feel lonely, helpless... and there's nothing you can do about it."
"They were only trying to help you! And you almost destroyed them! You ruined everything. Now Foxy hates you. There's nobody on your side. You're as lonely as I am."
"Foxy doesn't like you anymore... Nobody does! Deal with it! It's your only chance, my dear! Me... or nobody!"
i never thought i'd ever be relating to these VERY SPECIFIC quotes from Tony Crynight's FNAF series but god damn ☹️
@tonycrynight springtrap is basically me fr and idk how to feel about it
TW: SELF HARM
Me when the most minor inconvenience known to man (Im gonna start cutting myself over it)
CW: MENTAL HEALTH STUFF, SUICIDE, PSYCH WARDS, VENT, THE PUMPKIN THE GENTLEMAN AND MELANIE MARTINEZ SITUATION
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Being mentally ill as a minor and rarely getting the proper help for it is genuinely traumatizing.
I just started school the week after I got sent to the psych ward, and it's been so stressful to have to deal with trying to re-integrate myself into society, and I feel like I'm back where I started a couple of weeks ago. And I feel horrible about it.
I'm back to being on the internet non-stop, which means I'm having to constantly see shit related to the pumpkin the gentleman and Melanie Martinez situations and constantly arguing with people over it, and I've had to switch to taking different ADHD medications, because apparently my insurance doesn't cover my last medications, and it's $40 a refill, and since I was left unmedicated for the past two weeks, I've been struggling to pay attention in school, and it's really setting me off. And it doesn't help that I got forced to go off my anxiety medications because it was causing my mood swings to get worse..
I hate being mentally ill. I hate having people actively avoid me over my mental illness, I hate constantly thinking about killing myself, I hate having all of my thoughts be jumbled around all of the time, I hate how I hurt people and can't do anything to stop it, I hate myself so much, I hate it all.
Therapy was supposed to be a fresh start in my life, but I guess it doesn't matter how many "starts" I get. It all ends the same.
There's always something that messes it up and suddenly I'm back to doomscrolling on tiktok for hours at a time and mass-blocking all of my friends when something happens between us. It's draining and awful to go through almost every day.
And the fact that my bpd symptoms have gotten to the point where I'm hurting people over it makes it worse, because then it makes people hate me even more, and I've lost a lot of friends over it (I miss those friends btw)
I just wish I could go back to the psych ward, I was so much happier there and I didn't have to worry about all of this 24/7/365.
CW: VENT, PSYCH WARD MENTIONS
And just like that, I'm one thing online going wrong away from considering quitting and sending myself to a psych ward so I could live there for the rest of my life and hopefully never be let out so that I can finally stop suffering.
Seriously, it's so fucking hard to avoid getting into any controversy nowadays and i can't take it anymore wtffff
God forbid a neurodivergent and mentally ill person has a happy ending i guess...
I wonder how long it would take @tonycrynight to notice if I just.... stopped being active online all together.
Why am I even asking this?? he doesn't care, he's too busy with his animations that I'm just another number to him. A meer fan amongst the 2 million he has. But at the same time, if that's the case then why the fuck am I so attached to him even if he'd rather his son was dead than queer?
I guess he just likes to do that with people..
Tbh i can't really help it, i'm practically so attached to him that the thought of losing him makes me want to kill myself, and anytime he even bats an eye to me it feels like I've been saved by jesus christ himself.
God I hate having BPD sfm... /srs
CW: VENT
i just want to give up already. I don't even know who i am anymore.
I want to feel important please 🫧
Things I'm good at :
• ??????????
• ???????
•????
• ???????
• feeling like a burden and bed rotting
And just like that, I have wasted another weekend, in my house, scrolling through social media and arguing with dumbasses on tiktok, and not hanging out with my friends or going out.
I fucking hate my life.
Im trying to prove a point to my mum
Repost if school has caused:
Anxiety Depression Suicidal thoughts Social anxiety Eating disorders Self harm Stress
undiagnosed BPD/problematic in recovery culture is knowing you did some really fucked up shit in your life and wanting to address and apologize for all of it, but at the same time never being able to comfortably speak about what you did with anyone because you're worried that the people you care about most are going to leave you and abandon you because of what you did, and while that's happening you're also struggling to remember half of the details because looking back at what you did is so triggering even to yourself and when you try to tell people that they automatically assume you're lying, so in the end you're just left with being forced to stay silent about it and never giving your victims justice despite wanting to.
so yeah, I've decided not to make that apology video in the end because the risks outweigh the benefits and i'd get sent death threats for what happened either way.
I'm sorry.
.
me making imaginary scenarios in my head where tony crynight's comforting me while I'm recovering from a mental breakdown at vidcon knowing damn well that it could never happen irl and he doesn't care about me and wants me dead
@tonycrynight do you care?? I genuinely want to know.
this but instead I'm watching some of Tony Crynight's older videos
BPD is having a complete breakdown, finally hitting the breaking point from a depressive episode and spiraling, and then three hours later eating a slice of cake while listening to Sonic theme songs, completely unbothered. 😎
10/4/2024, 10:18 p.m.
I'm starting to resent Tony Crynight and I'm hating it.
So, Tony is my "special interest", and for years, I idolized him and loved him. I made a lot of fanart for him, I made several discord servers of him over the years, HELL, I MADE A WHOLE ASS POWERPOINT PRESENTATION ABOUT HIM AND PRESENTED IT TO THE CLASS BECAUSE I WANTED OTHER PEOPLE TO KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM!
And now.. I'm losing those feelings for him.
I'm starting to feel less excited about his posts, I stopped talking about him as much, stopped watching his videos...
And I'm starting to feel like it's killing me slowly, like i'm losing my personality.
And I think I know why this is happening.
Tony had sent me DMs expressing how "grateful" he is to have me as a fan, and he's replied to my comments before on his page, Hell, he's even said that he liked a meme drawing I did of him. He gave me his attention and affection.
And then one day it just stopped. And he acted as if I never existed in the first place.
He abandoned me. He threw me away...
And I hate him for that.
I also think that he probably wants me dead because of an old video he made all the way back in 2014, long before I became a fan of him, even if his views on gay people having since changed. But what difference would his political views make on his opinion of me? He probably thinks I'm annoying as shit and he probably wishes I didn't exist.
But, for some reason, I can't let him go.
He's been a part of my life since 2018, and everyone knows me as the autistic tony crynight fan, by my parents, by my friends, by everyone.
If I leave Tony, that would mean I no longer am the autistic tony crynight fan, and if I'm not that, then who am I...?
I can't take it anymore. I need him to pay attention to me.
I need him, as much as I hate him.
I hate you, @tonycrynight....
Looking for a partner
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Please read all the way for my boundaries, criteria, and who I have picked as candidates. Thank you.
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So, we all know at how there's been a ton of grooming allegations being thrown against people right?
And we all know how when you point out any flaws in the accusations people will send an entire hate mob against you right?
Honestly, fuck it and fuck you society.
atp, I'm already mentally fucked anyway, so let's find me a partner! I'm sick of being an incel anyway.
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Here is some of my criteria:
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must be around 18 to 39 years old (NO OLDER OR YOUNGER THAN THAT)
Can be any gender (though i'd prefer anyone that's AMAB since I don't know if AFAB to AFAB sex is gonna work out for me)
Must be able to give me as much attention as they can (with the exception of work, school, or any important things that will deter me from being able to speak with you)
Must have knowledge about BPD and how it works (because I don't want to deal with someone getting mad at me over showing a BPD trait. If you don't already know much I recommend researching it before coming to me.)
Is comfortable with sex or sexual topics (bonus points if you talk about sexual topics a lot)
Must have similar interests (I like five nights at freddy's and minecraft :> Tony crynight is my special interest)
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Here are some of the candidates I chose based off this criteria (though someone else can always ask me out if they meet this criteria too :>):
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Tony Crynight (30) (to make up for all the time he's been ignoring me)
YandereDev (36)
Synnibear03 (21) (she seems nice :3)
PumpkinTheGentleman (19) (I love his art and he's funny)
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If you're one of the lucky people who are on this list or meet the criteria above that list, please DM me!
Discord: Nozomi Kaizoku #0644 (though you can DM me from any of my other socials as well)
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My boundaries:
[Note: when I split from someone, my views on a person turn negative when they were originally positive, and I have a tendency to block the person in question and refuse to unblock them until after I have gone out of a split. Either I love someone or hate them.]
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Please use he/they/it pronouns for me (most basic boundary)
If I'm discussing something opinion based (like online drama), don't switch up on me mid-discussion, it will cause me to split from you. It will come off as invalidation, which is extremely triggering to me.
If you need to criticize my behavior, please be gentle about it. I struggle with handling criticism due to trauma (though I am working on it in therapy), and it can be triggering for me sometimes.
PLEASE let me know of any boundaries you want me to follow IN ADVANCE, and if I break a boundary on accident, correct me. I had an issue with this regarding an ex-friend in the past and it (alongside the witch up) resulted in me going into a crisis (and losing that friend of course).
Please use tone tags when discussing anything with me. I won't immediately know your tone, and I will think you're mad at me if I perceive it that way, which can be distressing for me.
Please don't actively ignore me or refuse to acknowledge my existence until I go into a crisis or if I start to display harmful behaviors. This will cause me to believe that you don't care about how I actually feel and will cause me to split.
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That's about it! hope you're interested!