Giving Up - Tumblr Posts
Three options
I accept now that I’m too old, I lived enough and I’m afraid, I say goodbye with this note. I regret making new amazing friends because I don’t want them to lose a friend. I don’t have anything, not even physical health, nobody cares about me, especially my mom, she never really cared about me and I don’t have anybody to guide me in life who I feel comfortable with. My life is already too fucked up to be fixed, I’m gonna see people achieve their dreams while I lay in bed consumed by fear, and I will accept that. Will daydreaming be my only source of happiness? I have three options:
1.- Killing myself, something that I always wanted.
2.- Daydream forever and slowly lose sensibility because there are no experiences to stimulate my life no more. Go crazy as time goes by, and as a consequence, losing my ability to daydream. And finally, after some years, go crazier and die.
3.- Don’t give up and try to enjoy life again and fall in love with everything I ever had a passion for, as consequence feel fulfilled, be happy and help others if I can.
But the thing with this one is: it’s too hard and I feel like a loser already, in a good freely way, even tho it’s also bittersweet, I’m writing this with hot tears running down my cheeks because this is the final goodbye to my dreams, I accept it and I’m gonna be ok, I’m just a little scared about going crazy but I’m more scared if I decide to try and have a life, and my body seriously can’t handle more damage, I’d have a heart attack and die, so option 1 or 2 are looking more appetizing. Another thing is, if I choose option 1 or 2 I won’t be able to stop thinking about “what if I decided to go for option 3” and I’d convince myself that if I had chosen option 3 I would’ve been incredibly successful in every aspect of my life.
Making this blog means I’m choosing option 3.
She's Gone. Into Darkness.
Black, deep black. She opens her eyes. Black, deep black.
Is this real? Is it? Is darkness real?
She looks around her. Black, deep black. Just. Plain. Black.
Is this a nightmare? Is it? Is she even alive? No, just simply existing.
What's the worst feeling? Darkness. Loneliness. Blackness.
Save her. Just pull her back, Don't let her fade away. Don't. Please, Save her.
Pleading. Praying. Is anyone even there? Can anyone hear her? Help her. Slowly... Fading... Going... She's swallowed by the darkness. She's gone. Gone... just like that.
She gave up.
I'm slowly giving up...
Let´s talk a minute about Depression.
Let´s talk about how, sometimes, you’re just so absolutelly down the dark hole with no light, and you can’t put “the mask” anymore but you’re still trying... How it’s maybe affecting your sleeping pattern and you get to sleep at 2 am in the morning and you have to get up at 5 am to go to class/ work/ etc. Or the way you’re making everyone around you worried about you and you want to stop but you don’t know how... Let´s talk about how you have supporting family members or friends that are there for you but you’re ready to let go.. The way you may be crying every time someone comes near you and tries to help you How difficult is to ask for help...
Let’s talk about all that
Gunshot
She kept staring at the other presence in the room. She received the same attention back. Tension was high between them, irritated by the uncalled company.
“I asked you to leave,” she said. There was no reply, just two set of eyes looking intently at each other. Eventually losing her calm, she said.
“I’m tired of you being with me all the time. My friends are worried but you never let me visit them. I don’t even feel like myself with you,” she screamed, chest heaving in anger and desperation. But this was needed; she needed to know the damage of being with her.
“Please, please I beg you. Please leave me alone,” she cried when her words were met with silence, yet again. But it smirked at her, those vicious human teeth between the red lips.
Collecting herself together, she walked towards her table and pulled out the pistol she kept for emergency situations.
"I begged you. I still am. You leave me no options," she said as she loaded the pistol and pointed at it. Only to find a similar one towards her. But she didn't falter. Her fingers were ready to pull the trigger any moment, looking for fear in the eyes of her enemy.
She found none.
But she had to do it. In order for her own sanity. She braced herself one more time.
And she shot herself.
![[Start ID: a digitally drawn picture of Eclipse standing in his mindscape with a sad face and crying oil tears. The text next to him says “This is it… This is how I die.” With a red line under “die”. Lastly, there is a little watermark that says “SunnyWentPoof” with a sun symbol in front of it, above Eclipse’s left ray. :End ID]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7cfc90c3a000a49ea49503ff35b8ef92/c1be6294dacb2690-65/s500x750/a6a623b9ff46266ebc9c107fa1285a4a2ab9c369.png)
Honestly, I didn’t feel very much about todays lore video. All I thought about it was, “Oh man- uh… Eclipse died-“. So anyways here is a tribute to Dorito man
(ID in alt)
Me trying to teach myself how to draw because i don’t know how:
Me who got frustrated in 4 minutes thinking its impossible to draw:
lol, I feel like I'm wasting my time just tryna talk to her having to juggle this pile of shit and studies is gonna make me flip so bad like I can't anymore what the fuck I can't even like to show any attitude cos my fucking fam is like "there she goes again" "look she got attitude problem" LIKE DUDE NOT EVERYTHING IS ATTITUDE IM GENUINELY KINDA FUCKING EXHAUSTED YOU KNOW?
Emptiness was soaking through my clothes
Keeping me on the chair by the dinner table
Full of books,
Full of notes
The ground was not to be seen
It swallowed and swallowed yet there was no end to this misery
My mind froze, unable to comprehend what was going on
My eyes were searching, any option would do
My hands tried to move but it was futile
With every fibre of my being I was protesting for hours on end
But the hollowness had already surrounded me
Taunting me, waiting for me to give in
My own memories turned against me
Remembering actions and occurrences and trying to find a solution within
A solution I cannot accept
The walls were quietly listening to the spectacle
My suffering was their delight
I was in a forest perhaps
The trees were looking at me with pity
Of course, they wouldn't understand anything
Their comprehension was far beyond mine
Like everyone elses
Slowly my head became a brooding place for the wights of hopelessness
Confind to the chair they gave me my destiny
Give up
Emptiness was soaking through my clothes
Keeping me on the chair by the dinner table
Full of books,
Full of notes
The ground was not to be seen
It swallowed and swallowed yet there was no end to this misery
My mind froze, unable to comprehend what was going on
My eyes were searching, any option would do
My hands tried to move but it was futile
With every fibre of my being I was protesting for hours on end
But the hollowness had already surrounded me
Taunting me, waiting for me to give in
My own memories turned against me
Remembering actions and occurrences and trying to find a solution within
A solution I cannot accept
The walls were quietly listening to the spectacle
My suffering was their delight
I was in a forest perhaps
The trees were looking at me with pity
Of course, they wouldn't understand anything
Their comprehension was far beyond mine
Like everyone elses
Slowly my head became a brooding place for the wights of hopelessness
Confind to the chair they gave me my destiny
Give up
Emptiness was soaking through my clothes
Keeping me on the chair by the dinner table
Full of books,
Full of notes
The ground was not to be seen
It swallowed and swallowed yet there was no end to this misery
My mind froze, unable to comprehend what was going on
My eyes were searching, any option would do
My hands tried to move but it was futile
With every fibre of my being I was protesting for hours on end
But the hollowness had already surrounded me
Taunting me, waiting for me to give in
My own memories turned against me
Remembering actions and occurrences and trying to find a solution within
A solution I cannot accept
The walls were quietly listening to the spectacle
My suffering was their delight
I was in a forest perhaps
The trees were looking at me with pity
Of course, they wouldn't understand anything
Their comprehension was far beyond mine
Like everyone elses
Slowly my head became a brooding place for the wights of hopelessness
Confind to the chair they gave me my destiny
Give up
Emptiness was soaking through my clothes
Keeping me on the chair by the dinner table
Full of books,
Full of notes
The ground was not to be seen
It swallowed and swallowed yet there was no end to this misery
My mind froze, unable to comprehend what was going on
My eyes were searching, any option would do
My hands tried to move but it was futile
With every fibre of my being I was protesting for hours on end
But the hollowness had already surrounded me
Taunting me, waiting for me to give in
My own memories turned against me
Remembering actions and occurrences and trying to find a solution within
A solution I cannot accept
The walls were quietly listening to the spectacle
My suffering was their delight
I was in a forest perhaps
The trees were looking at me with pity
Of course, they wouldn't understand anything
Their comprehension was far beyond mine
Like everyone elses
Slowly my head became a brooding place for the wights of hopelessness
Confind to the chair they gave me my destiny
Give up
I deserve someone who actually gives a fuck about me because I've spent my entire life making other people happy when all they did was leave.
2nd comic The unwanted monthly visit of your period.