Humorous - Tumblr Posts
Joker: Escapes Arkham
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Batman: HIDE THE CHILDREN, ALFRED!!!
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no comment
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A Noob’s introduction to Genshin Impact
Hello, and this is a noob's introduction to Genshin Impact.
This is Genshin Impact. (*ding*)
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This 2020 game made and published by miHoYo using the Unity engine, has taken the world by storm, and if you somehow haven’t heard of it, then prepare to be introduced to the lore in the most absurd way possible.
Set in the world known as Teyvat, you, the player character, are the eponymous “Traveler”, a mysterious dimension hopping traveler (thus the name), stuck in the aforementioned world of Teyvat, due to getting smacked down by an Unknown God, alongside your twin. With your twin missing, you must search for answers in this world of Teyvat.
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So, what is Teyvat? Teyvat is a world governed… BY THE GODS!!!
Specifically, there is a floating island known as Celestia, from where the Gods who uphold the vague “Heavenly Principles” live.
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Not that they actually govern the world most of the time. The ones who actually govern the world are Gods that are collectively referred to as the “7” (because there are 7). These 7, are the Archons, who are not only gods, they are also the ones who lead the various nations of Teyvat, of which there are 7. Each Archon not only gets a nation to govern, but also gets to call dibs on an element. The old timey elements, there is no archon of carbon.
They are, as follows:
- Barbatos, the Anemo (see wind) Archon of Mondstadt, and God of Freedom (an interesting concept for divinity, but ok).
- Rex Lapis (also known as Morax), the Geo (see earth) Archon of Liyue and God of Contracts (because no matter where you go, there is still going to be a jerk that invents legalism).
- Beelzebul, also known as the Raiden Shogun, the Electro (lightning) Archon of Inazuma, and God of Eternity (a bit ironic for a lightning/thunder god, but ok).
- Lesser Lord Kusanali, AKA Blessed One of Wisdom, AKA Mahakusaladhamma, AKA Buer (goodness, that’s a lot of names), Dendro (plants… don’t think too hard about it)
- Archon of Sumeru, God of Wisdom. Focalors, Hydro (water) Archon of Fontaine, and God of Justice.
- The Lady of Fire, Murata, the Pyro (fire) Archon of Natlan, and God of War.
- And finally, the Tsaritsa, the Cryo (ice) Archon of Snezhnaya, and buggered if we know what she is the God of. (I’ve heard at one point that it was of Love, but that hasn’t been confirmed)
Now, what do these elements actually do? Well, the Archons/Celestia grant the mortals Visions, themed around the elements. These visions take the form of a colored gem, and gives the owner of said vision powers. Which they probably need, since there are many dangers in this world. Treasure Hoarder bandits, Hilichurls that are basically gremlins, the Abyss Order, a faction that woke up, and chose that the foe to defeat is everything that moves, and the Fatui, or as I like to call them, fantasy discount KGB.
So, take the dive into the World of Teyvat, and this has been a noobs introduction to Genshin Impact.
A Noob’s guide to Day of Infamy
This is Day of Infamy.
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*ding*
This 2017 game made and published by New World Interactive using the Source engine, is a game that I am sad about. Not because it is sad, but because it is an interesting gem. It’s like finding a brownie shaped like a piece of turd, but it is made with the most exquisite of fudge and chocolate. It is a good game, even with a few flaws (we’ll get to those, don’t worry). In fact, I dare say that this had to be both one of my favorite first person shooters and my favorite World War 2 games. So here is a quick introduction and tutorial of how to survive this game.
First thing to know is that Day of Infamy is a multiplayer tactical first-person shooter, set in the European theatre of the Second World War. With different game mods, with most of them being some variant of finding a point on the map, and politely telling the enemy already there, to shod off. This gentle persuasion is achieved with the liberal application of both high explosives, and small automatic firearms. The maps range from The beaches of Normandy in 1944, the Streets Salerno in 1943, all the way to Crete in 1941. With such a breadth of time (6 calendar years), and a vast swath of maps (mostly France, Italy, and one Greek map), factions are vast, at the number of 3. The different factions play on certain maps, so don’t expect to see Americans at Dunkirk. Each faction has unique weapons, and units. These units don't affect gameplay all that much admittedly, as it is mostly cosmetic, but they are still nice. You can earn them through leveling up, or alternatively, you can just buy them.
First is the Americans, because of course there is.
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With all the classic American WW2 weaponry, like M1 Garand, and Thompson, they will be familiar for many. As for units, once again, many of them will be familiar for those that dabble in WW2 history and/or media, such as the 101st Airborne, or the 1st Infantry Division (better known by the nickname “The Big Red One”). I also want to give a shout out, because I’m pretty sure that this is one of the only games that actually remembered that African Americans actually fought in WW2, in the form of including the 92nd Infantry Division, and the 761st Tank Battalion.
Next is everyone's favorite member of the second world war, the Wehrmacht (Germany).
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I say Wehrmacht, because the vast majority of their units are Wehrmacht, such as the 272nd Volksgrenadier Division, or the 29th Panzergrenadier Division. The only exception is the 17th Panzer division, who while listed as Wehrmacht, were historically Waffen SS, so now you guys know which unit not to get. Again, most of the weaponry will be familiar for those who play WW2 shooters, such as the MP40, and MG42.
The last faction are the British… or should I say Commonwealth.
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This is another reason why I like this game. You see, NWI remembered that the Brits in the second world war, had an empire, and they are willing to bring said empire into their scuffles. This means that while they do have British units like the famous/infamous Black Watch, they also have many units of Canada, such as the Princes’s Patricia’s Canadian Light infantry, as well as Australians (2/17th Battalion, who also happen to be my favorite) and Indians (12th Frontier Force Regiment). As for weaponry, most will be familiar… provided you are familiar with the British in WW2, such as the Bren, or the Lee-Enfield No. 4. They also have the one exception of where units do affect load out (we’ll get to that) with only the 2/17th Battalion being allowed to use the Owen Mk. 1.
Now that you have been familiarized with the factions, one must remember that as this is a team based game, it becomes like medieval Europe, where class matters. There are 9 classes, each with unique load outs, and purposes. Most of them also have limited slots.
Firstly, we have the basic class, the rifleman. The only class to not have a limit for slots, they are armed with a rifle. It should be noted that just because you are using a bolt action for the most part, you’re still deadly. With extra stamina, and access to rifle grenades, it is a very solid class.
Next is the assault class, who solves your issues at close range with the liberal application of an smg. Following that, is Support, who provides support by using a light machine gun, like a Bren or BAR. After that is the trifecta of basic shooter classes of Engineer (use explosives), Machinegunner (MOAR DAKKA!), and Sniper (one shot, one kill). Now the unique classes for the game starts now. After that, is Flamethrower, who decides that turning people into a barbeque is only a war crime the first time.
Now, here is the interesting part. You get one Officer, who has the ability to call support of any sort, from the innocent supply drop and smoke screens, to less innocent ones, such as artillery barrages, aerial strafings, and bombing runs. However, they can’t actually call these in, without a radio, which is accomplished with the last class, radioman. With a radio on their back, all they do is stand next to the officer, while they call in an artillery strike that will wipe the enemy team, and half of your team who were caught in the blast. (rule of thumb, you should always have both an officer and a radioman).
After choosing game mod, faction and units, and class, you have your loadout. Everyone has a primary weapon, secondary weapon, access of up to two different types of grenade, and a melee weapon. Furthermore, attachments to your weapon such as slings, bayonets, or scopes. Furthermore, you also have access to vests that can increase the amount of ammo you have. So what’s the catch? Well, weight is a factor, as in the more stuff you carry, the slower you are. Furthermore, your access to this is determined by supply points. You gain more supply points by playing the objective, so play. The. BLOODY. OBJECTIVE!!!
Anyway, items cost certain amounts of supply points, so this means you have to compromise about what you bring in. For example, if you play an American assault, an M3 Grease Gun with a sling, costs 5 supplies, while a Thompson M1A1 by itself costs 6 supplies. So, with this knowledge, prepare to compromise, especially with your first rounds.
After all that has been said, many of you might remember what I have said earlier about their flaws. Well, here they are. Map designs can be kind of poor, and lack of content update. They still support the game, but don’t hold your breath for new content that isn’t fan made (remember, this is the source engine. It’s super easy to mod… so I’ve been told), considering that the last update was back in December of 2017. This ties into the big elephant in the room… lack of players. Because of the lack of long term support, due to it being released just before another major NWI release, Sandstorm Insurgency (also a really good shooter), player counts can be pretty low. This is in spite of the fact that the vast majority of reviewers like the game. Many players often complain that the game is dead, but that isn’t quite the truth. A lot of the players for some reason seem to be on European servers. Of course, this is also the reason why I’m talking about this game.
So in summary, if you want to try a good team-based fps, or a good WWII game, I strongly recommend giving Day of Infamy a try. It comes cheaply too, being 15 USD for the base game, and 20 USD for the deluxe edition, and it can be cheaper during sales. Also, final note, this game also has amazing voice acting, of various types for the various American, German, and Commonwealth units, using a mixture of your typical fps voices, but also many witty, and genuinely funny lines (in that regards, shout out to the commonwealth voice actors, with my favorites being the Scottish and Australian voice) Many of these voices can be found on Youtube.
So take a dive into Day of Infamy, and this has been a Noob’s guide to Day of Infamy, which can be found on Steam. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Why so angry, vegetarian?
Picture this: you’re out with friends at a popular, hip restaurant in downtown Denver.
It’s been an hour or so of laughing and drinking.
Suddenly it hits you – you’re starving... and almost drunk... but it’s okay, it’s safe, it’s chill - you’re at a popular, hip restaurant in downtown Denver.
After glancing at the menu you see several salads… great, right? No!
All of these tossed greens come with meat. A ‘healthy’ turkey salad, a Greek with prosciutto, the boys Cobb and Caesar – you desperately try to find a house salad, a garden salad, but to no avail! You cannot escape the meats.
Looking at the burger section, you hope to find a veggie patty of some kind. But disappointment is served up again. Along side all the gourmet grass-fed flesh is a sad, frozen Boca burger for $15.99. With good reason, you just cannot pull the trigger.
So you ask the server for the Greek salad, hold the pig, chicken, cow, whatever. They tell you that it will still be $13.99. At this point, the drinks are speaking for you now and you go for it – what the heck throw in a side of fries for an extra $5.99 too.
What you and the drinks don’t realize is that - my friend, you have just lost. Happy Hour is over and not only have you paid overtime, you’re still hungry!
This may sound dramatic, but it is seriously all too common of an occurrence. An occurrence that occurs so often, too often, that I am inspired to help myself and ya’ll out by searching the greater Denver area for what I call, “accidental vegetarian” spots.
As much as we love the vegan/vegetarian restaurants, and trust me I do (shoutout Watercourse, shoutout The Corner Beet, shoutout Vital Root, etc. etc.), it’s good to have those cheap, carnivore friendly go to spots for you and those sinning friends of yours.
Read on and subscribe as menu reviews, recipe tips and more are to come.
Welcome to the Angry Vegetarian.
My Heart, A Cold Veggie Sandwich.
Suggestions for simple veggie sammies to bring to work (and why you should never buy another cold sandwich in Denver again).
I admit that I’m a simple, human pos who doesn’t know everything that there is to know... but it’s my humble opinion that there really is never a situation where a vegetarian sandwich and a meat sandwich priced at the same amount is justifiable. I mean - why would a sammy that consists of mostly lettuce, sprouts, cheese, maybe avocado and some other pizza toppings cost the same as a salami-pepperoni-meatball-Frankenstein paired also with vegetables, pizza toppings and cheese – I’ll just say: it don’t make no sense!
Here are some simple suggestions to spice up your lunch and to save you some dough. Just a hint so that you can save yourself the time and energy it might take to read ‘em all - each of these suggestions involve vegetables, carbs, (maybe) cheese and a sauce or shmear. I ain’t no Chef Emeril, you can definitely figure it out yourself, mix and match - empower yourself, son!
First: I is Hung Over, Need Spicy Salty: Take whatever carbs are laying around (tortillas, pita, bagel, whatever) and slap on a healthy amount of Dijon mustard, several slices of cheese, a couple pickles and potato chips. Without fear, smoosh that down flat. Enjoy a similar vibe to a ham and cheese as this sammy cleans up your booze soaked tummy. (That’s that healthy lifestyle shit vegetarians are always going on about, right there…)
Second: Anything Crunchy and Herbs: Start with flavorful bread like sourdough or rye. Grab some fresh herbs of your choice and toss it in a bowl with crunchy romaine lettuce. Dress the greens in red wine vinegar, mustard and olive oil and lay ‘em on the bread. Add fresh mozzarella (or cottage cheese if you ain’t afraid of the mess) and a fancy, peppered heirloom tomato or yellow pepper or cucumber or anything.... crunchy.
Third: Creamy and Crunchy: In THIS order, shmear whipped cream cheese on a toasted slice of carb, sprinkle an unholy amount of shredded carrots right on top of that cheese, a thick layer of spinach on top of them carrots, pickles or banana peppers on top of them spinaches and sliced green bell pepper on top of them pickles or banana peppers. Smoosh it down and wrap it up for later.
Forth: Health Nut: Start with any kind of whole grain carb and load it up with lots of chopped kale, romaine lettuce and/or spinach, sliced apple, radishes, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, shredded carrots, avocado and bell pepper. Smear hummus on that bad boy, if you’re into that kind of thing.
Fifth: Vegetables and Cheese: Any kind of vegetables, fruit, oils, shmears and cheese between bread.
You did it - feel good my friend, you have just won!
That happened
Describe your life in two words
I’m late
should i do texts between my ex and i as haikyuu characters
"Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid"
Unknown
Lol
...this is groundbreaking.
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Opening sequence. Driving test.
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As they talk, we discover…
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…not only does Shaggy have a license…
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…Scooby has one, too.
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Let that sink in.
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For an unknown number of past episodes and movies…
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…for years, or even decades…
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…Scooby could have been driving the Mystery Machine if he wanted to.
This is a magnificent development.
...this is groundbreaking.
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Opening sequence. Driving test.
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As they talk, we discover…
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…not only does Shaggy have a license…
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…Scooby has one, too.
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Let that sink in.
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For an unknown number of past episodes and movies…
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…for years, or even decades…
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…Scooby could have been driving the Mystery Machine if he wanted to.
This is a magnificent development.
...this is groundbreaking.
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Opening sequence. Driving test.
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As they talk, we discover…
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…not only does Shaggy have a license…
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…Scooby has one, too.
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Let that sink in.
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For an unknown number of past episodes and movies…
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…for years, or even decades…
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…Scooby could have been driving the Mystery Machine if he wanted to.
This is a magnificent development.
Ok, gang... it’s time for SDM’s secret Christmas gift to the world!
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Poorly-translated Scooby-Doo that made me laugh so dang hard, I had to save it especially for today.
It’s What A Night For A Knight (the very first episode) run through a translator just a few too many times.
We open with Shag ‘n’ Scoob all tense after a movie…
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…until a character named all-caps Stephanopoulos appears for one line, totally randomly.
Hey, at least he sure is grateful!
They question the ownership of a ‘creepy tin mountain’…
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…until Velma calls Shaggy out on his weird non-joke.
Poorly-translated Velma takes none of your poorly-translated nonsense.
An old knight shows up… with old noodles…
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…but since the professor drove a truck, naturally he disappeared into the ether.
So that’s how magicians do it!
They learn of the legend that brings the Black Knight to life…
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…even though the professor is:
1. High
2. Thin
3. Frightened
The gang instructs Scooby to come on… including Scooby himself…
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…but secrets surprise Velma, and make Shaggy hungry.
But then again, what doesn’t?
Fortunately, the gang finds a clue:
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Tape that sticks to your hair… only manufactured in the UK?
Your guess is as good as mine.
However, once it gets properly spooky…
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…Fred decides to bail on the gang and go fishing.
‘Cause the museum is stronger than a drum. Duuuh.
But before he can leave…
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…there’s a guy named Jack hiding in their Van, the Mysterious Machine, and Fred throws ‘em out.
Using a crank? Somehow?
Of course, to sneak them back into the museum, Shaggy is chosen…
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…for his thinness, and his small windows.
Ol’ Shag runs out of windows like no one’s business.
Velma is skeptical, but don’t worry…
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…Shaggy is the most-volatile gymnast in school.
That line miiiight have cracked me up for, like… 3 minutes straight….
To suggest the gang split up to hunt for clues, Fred suggests they “need to break more”…
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…and gives Scooby his knighthood, apparently.
Arise, Sir Scooby of Doo!
However, in a sudden twist, using his new status as a knight…
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…Scooby:
1. Says his name
2. Finds an ax
3. Admits to Velma that he’s persecuting the gang
What a cliffhanger! Fear not, though – it’ll be continued in part 2 tomorrow.
Yes, there’s more than half still to go.
Luring You
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The city came to life at night.
In all directions, people were being people. They were thrown out of clubs, bars, and pubs. They walked the streets, all cloistered together. They were hard at work. They were last-minute shopping. They were holding or screaming at their kids. People were doing everything and nothing.
Lana was observing, observing you.
She watched you walk alone into Paul’s Pub, and settle into a seat by the bar.
You had sat in front of Paul, not the one who owned the bar though. The bar owner wasn’t as personable as Paul the Bartender.
“Y/N! How was it today?”
You slumped over the counter, slamming your head into it, letting your actions speak for themselves.
“That bad, huh kiddo?”
Somehow, you managed to slump further.
“I’ll get you the good stuff then. One non-alcoholic Bloody Mary coming right up!”
From your face mushed into the counter, you replied “Paul, you are my ray of sunshine, you know that?”
“If you tip me good, I’ll shine a little brighter.” Then a glass clinked onto the counter. From the corner of your eye, you saw Paul’s beautiful concoction. A delicious looking Bloody Mary that had your name written all over it.
You sat up. “Yeah, yeah. You know I always tip good...”
“Y/N, it’s never bad to tip better.”
Your voices faded off into the distance while Lana took note of something.
You needed her more than she thought. In fact, you needed her now more than ever!
Someone has been following you since you left the station.
This someone appeared to be male and was dressed casually. Black coat. White button-up, blue jeans and, sneakers. Apparently no socks.
This man was a monster.
First off, it was Lana’s responsibility to watch over you! Who the heck does this sock-less creepo think they are? They weren’t significant to you, that Lana knew.
She knew a lot about you. More than Lana ought to really.
Still... she hadn’t seen them around before. That made them dangerous.
Lana wasn’t no fool, either. There are two reasons to follow someone. Reason number one is that the stalker is interested or madly in love with the person. Reason number two is that the stalker wants to harm the person. Either way, Lana considered this stalker a threat.
And she was the type to deal with threats promptly.
The circle of life
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Sweet home
I watched this series and... my life will never be the same.
"…Carl, these aren't the same kids."
Carl the Animator: “What?! Sure they are!”
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Ted the Animator: “No, Carl.”
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Carl the Animator: “But–”
Ted the Animator: “I have to put my foot down on this one. They’re not.”
Carl the Animator: “There’s, there’s some similar shirts, and–”
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Ted the Animator: “There’s not even the same number of kids!”
Carl the Animator: “Look, five children, six children, all the same thing. Both numbers are in the mid-single digits.”
I wish I was as important as the porn-bots make me feel. No more spammers, please! Real connections only. God bless. 😂😅
ho w do i get around manually blocking all these porn bots
Dad Gojo Shenanigans part 1
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+ bonus
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He is so done.
(reblogs and shares appreciated 🩵) very much inspired by this art by @cobaltfluff
DAD Gojo Shenanigans continues..(part 2, part 3)