Reflecting - Tumblr Posts

Phew!

When we were teenagers, our plan was to “leapfrog”.  He was going to make a certain amount of money, and then I would have to do whatever I could to find a job that made more money.  Then we would reverse and repeat.

I finished university in 2010.  The job market was BLEAK.  He worked in the trades, and I had a philosophy degree.  Naturally, I worked in retail, and made no where near what he did.  He continued to move up in his position, and so did I, but I could never catch him. Throughout the years, this was the number one excuse he used to harm me.

Things have improved since then, though I still don’t make as much money as he did.  Recently, I wondered what would have happened if I had “leapfrogged” like he’d wanted me to.  Then I remembered a story.

About 10-12 years ago I applied to work for the RCMP.

(Don’t judge me man, I was young and desperate. I also had some romantic notion that I could help SA survivors as a detective. Knowing what I know now about the institution, I am VERY glad it didn’t work out for me )

He was furious with me for applying; he said he hated cops, but I think he hated the idea of me having authority (and access to a weapon) more.

Then he let his plans slip.  He told me if I became an RCMP officer, he would wait until I made excellent money and then leave me.  Then he would cash in on the spousal support and take money from me forever.

So sorry that didn’t work out you, brah.  I hope the woman you’re with now leaves you and takes every cent you have.

I was not allowed to be better than him at anything. Except household tasks that he didn't want to do, of course.

I'll give you a silly example. I worked in service all the way through university and in my early 20s. I used a cash register often, and I got quick at counting money.

When we were doing our finances, sometimes we would pay cash for things.  He would lay money out on the floor like a child and count everything.  Then he would ask me to check his count.  I would flip through 20s in an 8th of the time it took him to count them.  I did this every day; of course I was fast at it.

The world ended if I found he had made a mistake, but he didn’t trust my counting at that speed, even when I confirmed his results. He made me count bills at the same speed he counted them.  My 4 year old cousin could keep up.

It sounds so silly, but he mocked my skills and capitalistic “worth” so often that not having his confidence in THIS, even, was frustrating and soul crushing.

The air around me is lighter without his presence.

2016 has been an amazing year for me! :) I am so thankful to God for His amazing love and great blessings and the lessons I have got this whole year. I have a lot of stories to tell about God's never-ending favor in my life. But one thing I have learned a lot this year that I want to share here is that prayer does change things. We can make a big change simply by praying. I have learned that there is nothing too small or too big to be asked for, because we serve God who provides. It has been many times that I count down to the new year and I am still amazed at how great and deep God's love is for me. Years change but I believe God is the same now and forever. Although 2016 has been a great year for me, I am not sad saying goodbye to this year, instead I am excited because I believe that great things and more blessings are coming my way, and the best is yet to come. Thank you God for this amazing 2016. I can't wait to see more of Your favor and kindness in 2017. :)

Last #sunlight #reflecting in the #trees in #Rombergpark #Dortmund (en Botanischer Garten Rombergpark)

A #winter's #sunset #reflecting in #Rombergpark #Dortmund #DOüberrascht (en Botanischer Garten Rombergpark)

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck 31-07-2024

Hi everyone!!!

So, I finished reading this piece of art today.

This book was very different from what I usually read, and it is also one of the more controversial books that I have read.

I'll be honest, I didn't exactly love the book when I was reading the first few chapters. But, I just had this determination to finish the book, so I continued reading, and I am truly grateful that I did. Cause upon continuing to read the book, I really started to connect with the the author's thoughts.

Mark Manson has really given me a new approach towards life. I have started to look at things differently now.

I would recommend the book to everyone. Whether you choose to read it or not is up to you. If you choose to read the book, be ready for some foul language, and make sure you read it all the way until the end.

Celebrating One Year of Blogging on Tumblr Shaina Tranquilino July 23, 2024

Today marks a special milestone: one year since I started my blogging journey on Tumblr. A year of writing, a year of thoughts, and a year of sharing my heart, my opinions, and my story. Reflecting on this past year, I feel a profound sense of gratitude and fulfillment. Thank you for tagging along on my blogging journey, and I hope I have inspired you in some way.

A Year in Review

When I published my first post, I didn't know where this path would lead. I was filled with the usual uncertainties and questions: Would anyone read my posts? Would my words resonate with others? Could I maintain the discipline to write regularly? Looking back, I'm amazed at how much this blog has grown and evolved.

The Joy of Writing

Writing has always been a passion of mine, but this year, it became something more. It became a means of connecting with a community of like-minded individuals, a way to process my thoughts, and a creative outlet that brought immense joy. Each post was a new opportunity to delve into different topics, share personal experiences, and express my views on various issues.

Sharing My Story

Throughout this year, I've shared numerous personal stories—some lighthearted and funny, others deep and introspective. From recounting childhood memories to discussing pivotal moments in my life, this blog has become a digital diary, documenting my journey through words. Your responses, comments, and messages have made sharing these stories incredibly rewarding.

Building a Community

One of the most unexpected yet delightful aspects of this journey has been the sense of community that has formed around this blog. Each comment, reblog, and like has been a reminder that my words have reached someone, touched them, and perhaps made them think or feel differently. The interactions I've had with you, my readers, have been nothing short of inspiring.

Looking Ahead

As I celebrate this milestone, I am filled with excitement for the future. The past year has been a period of growth, and I am eager to see where the next year will take us. I am committed to continuing this journey, to writing more, and to sharing even more of my thoughts and stories with you.

Open to Your Requests

While I have many ideas for future posts, I am also curious to hear from you. What do you want to hear from me? What topics interest you the most? Are there specific stories you want me to share or questions you want me to answer? Your input is invaluable, and I want to ensure that this blog continues to be a space that resonates with you.

Thank You

Thank you for being a part of this journey. Your support, encouragement, and engagement have made this year truly special. Whether you’ve been here from the beginning or just joined recently, I appreciate each and every one of you.

Here’s to another year of blogging, of sharing, and of connecting. Let’s continue this journey together, exploring new topics, diving deeper into familiar ones, and growing as a community.

Feel free to leave your requests and suggestions in the comments or send me a message. I’m looking forward to hearing from you and to crafting content that speaks to your interests and curiosities.

Thank you once again for an incredible year. Here’s to many more!

With gratitude,

Shaina

Reflecting on 2021

Hey Ya’ll,

Not gonna lie...I am so happy that 2021 is over. Apart from the pandemic, there was a bunch of other stuff that happened in my personal life that I wish didn’t. I know I’m, definitely, not the only person who, unfortunately, relates to this. These past few years have reinforced the fact that we can’t control every single event that happens in our lives. The most we can do is the best we can to get by. 

I shed a lot of (unhappy) tears during 2021. I got my heart broken multiple times. I compared myself and my life a lot to my peers. I, often, felt as if I was living in a different timeline than some people. While I was watching other people reaching all of these incredible milestones (e.g., getting a new job, being promoted, becoming homeowners, finding romantic partners, getting engaged,  etc.) I, constantly, felt like I was just stuck. My mental health deteriorated. I neglected and lost myself. I felt like a complete loser in comparison to my peers. I also felt very jealous and, at times, bitter. I really longed for something incredible to happen to me as well. But, it just felt like one let down after another. The worst part is, I barely had time to breathe before the next negative thing happened. I was a wreck, basically...and not a lot of the people in my life even knew this. The ones who did were only aware of what I told them. I, often, left out details from my venting sessions because I was afraid it would be too much and they wouldn’t understand. So, they did not know the full extent of what I was experiencing.

This past week, I have been doing some reflecting on the past year as a whole. I, ultimately, decided that I never want to feel the way I felt last year ever again. That was the lowest I have ever been and just the thought of ever getting to that point again makes me nauseous.

Last night, I spent some time creating a vision board of how I want my 2022 to look like. I have never made a vision board before, but I have made new year’s resolutions in the past. Though...I have yet to actually accomplish any of the resolutions I have set during my 25 years on this earth thus far. Since I’m more of a visual person, I figured that a vision board would be an effective way to supplement my new year’s resolutions/goals/intentions (whatever you prefer to call them) for this year. I ended up creating mine on Canva. I then saved the document as a JPEG file and made the image my desktop wallpaper. That way, every time I open my computer to do homework, send emails, watch Netflix, etc, I am reminded of everything I want to accomplish for myself.

I know that there are a lot of changes I’m going to have to make in order to stay consistent with my goals this year. I’m fully prepared to make them. I’m not sure what it is, but I really have a feeling that this year is going to be different. And no, I’m not jinxing myself by saying that. I’m setting my intention for the life I want this year and putting it out into the universe to help manifest this. I know intention is not enough, but it is an important step in my pursuit of having a much better year in comparison to 2021 and having the best year I’ve had in a long time.

So, with that...here’s to a (for the most part) fresh start. I’m wishing a thriving year filled with many positive experiences and less tears for all of us. If your 2021 was actually a a positive year, then I wish you another positive year. I think we all deserve more happiness and less negativity, trauma and tragedy. 

Though, as I stated previously, you can’t control every single event that occurs in your life. So, additionally, I want to reiterate the following; do the best you can to get by. Even if it’s just waking up and getting out of bed, that is enough. You are always enough.

I’m really looking forward to how this year progresses for all of us. If you have also set any goals/intentions for yourself, I hope you accomplish them. 

Stay safe friends :) 

After watching Good Omens season 2, I wanted to talk about this :

A lot of people did recently said that Season 2 Episode 2 was a great episode, but didn't understand the food scene, or found any reason this is here. Well, as far as I am concerned, this is actually the best scene of this episode, even better than the end, and I wanted to talk more about it.

Here is the summarized main topic of this flashback : GOD IS "TESTING" JOB WHILE CROWLEY IS "TESTING" AZIRAPHALE ON DIFFERENT LEVELS

This episode has a big flashback about Aziraphale and Crowley that can't be ignored at all, thanks to all of the elements that we learn about how the Heaven/Hell/World work in this story and about our ineffable duo. We can list those like this :

Demons always do the bad jobs. Nothing new, but what it is new is the "permit" that Crowley has from God to destroy Job possessions and family. An angel can't react against this kind of permit. Usually, angels just watch demons do their thing and rather think about the happy ending than the process, according to Gabriel's justification :

If angels let demons do and just stare, Aziraphale couldn't let Crowley do that, even after knowing about the bet. At first, he was not aware about the permit nor the bet, and although he's informed after asking, he just comes back to Earth to avoid the killing of the children by trying to convince Crowley to stop, just after the killing of the goats. It doesn't go too well at first :

In front of this apparently crualty, Aziraphale gives up and is about to leave, BUT notices that the crows around there do not go CAW CAW CAW. He turns toward Crowley and gets from him the REAL staring and honesty he was asking before at this very moment, without any words spoken.

It's important to notice that Crowley turned (twice) toward Aziraphale, so the angel can have his real answer behind the devilish acting he's got to play. Crowley lets the birds go baaaaa on purpose to see what reaction he would get from the other side, or at least, he waits to see the reaction of the angel instead of just leaving. Aziraphale understands that Crowley didn't kill the goats, and assume quickly that the children will be safe.

Crowley is not naive and knows that Aziraphale misunderstands the true meaning of his decision. But he's also enough smart to understand that Aziraphale has a weird behaviour for an angel : no angel would come to Earth reflecting on a decision from God by trying to convince a demon to stop it. It requires at least to have enough consideration toward humans and kids to act like that, which even Gabriel does not have in this story... Aziraphale does have it, and we all know who has it too but doesn't want to show it too much then constantly fails anyway...

He's so bad at being bad that when he sets the children's house on fire, Aziraphale sticks to his positions and remains sure of the idea that the children won't die by Crowley's hand. Icing on the cake : Aziraphale doesn't give up nor go away again : he even goes real close to Crowley this time, sure there is no danger at all for anyone's life, sure that Crowley can't lie anymore or hide under his role if he does that.

Right after in the cellar, Crowley just sees that for once, he's not alone during his duty, and tries to get comfy with what he has in front of him : a wine jar and an angel who has trusted him. Crowley invites Aziraphale to try drinks then food. At first, the angel thinks about temptation from a demon, but the real thing was only about curiosity. Common angels don't have enough curiosity to understand humanity : they often base their knowledge on only ONE experience (like the "birth" of Eve for Gabriel, who considers he's now an expert about human reproduction) or things they've been told since the beginning. From Aziraphale : "demons are bad, angels are good" without nuance. And THIS IS WHY he's not able to understand Crowley completly while they talk about "sides" at the first time.

Aziraphale sees the world as two sides only, but he has this empathic side that can bring him to understand humans, but also and over all Crowley. The thing is Aziraphale never really had the chance to get more interested in something that's not about his own duties, because angels usually are not curious. This is why he mixes up curiosity and temptation. He can't make the difference if he doesn't try anything.

Now, we have Crowley, who doesn't like being a demon at all, who loves questions and curiosity, who CRAVES for answers he might never have... He's on Earth for a long time and do not take his devilish work seriously, because he doesn't understand the point of choosing between demons or angels. He wants to be HIMSELF only. He wants to do what HE thinks is good, and for so long, he never had the chance to think objectively "I'm the one who's right, because I'm just myself and it's okay" without having Heaven or Hell arguing with his way of living. When Aziraphale just came in his life, it’s as if the world has finally laid out a little something, another curiosity, and this curiosity was curious about him as well, even if this curiosity is irritating. But until then, Aziraphale meets several criterias that angels don't have and that Crowley loves.

And what did God do when Job met the criterias to make God wins the bet ? God granted him with presents.

...so why couldn't Aziraphale has his own presents from Crowley, just for existing in his way ? Yep ! Eating is not at all an invitation to sin in this scene to me. Crowley's present to Aziraphale is waaaaaaay different that the presents given to Job of course, but it's undoubtedly more important on his scale. It's not about just a piece of meat : Crowley offers Aziraphale the chance and opportunity to find out, experience and enjoy what Earth can offer to him, even when there is a huge storm outside, even when it seems like the end of time ! He gives him the chance to understand why living on Earth can be beautiful and how human creativity can bring a lot of pleasure and good feelings. Food is the big part of it and the first of course, but after that, we can see that Aziraphale learned to dance (another thing that angels don't do), has a huge passion for books and a full collection of them, likes talking about everything, likes living on Earth near humans more than living in Heaven, etc. At last, it's not important that Aziraphale didn't understand the whole Crowley's elaborate morality/way of living. What's important here is that he's interested to understand, not like other people. Job kept his fey, and Aziraphale kept his trust and open-mindedness to the world. This is also a big present for Crowley, to not feel so alone like before, and also being seen as more than a demon.

Please, just mind this is my interpretation of this scene, and that I really thinks it gives a lot more than what people use to see in it.