Sad Soul - Tumblr Posts

I confuse people. I have a happy personality and a sad soul. I'm bold but shy. I love deeply but sometimes I feel heartless. I'm healing and hurting at the same time. I'm dedicated to growth, but i self sabotage

I’m a sad soul, I feel everything too much.. I love with all my heart. There is no in between, I notice the smallest of things.. change in tone, change in mood, in the way you treat others. As much as I feel that everything I’ve been through is why I’m this way, I’m starting to think I was just born into this world this way…

I don’t deserve to die.

Not because I deserve to live.

But because I don’t deserve the sweet release of death.

Okay so I wrote something while my last mental breakdown and I wanted to show you. So here it is and take care!

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I know you dont want to loose youre little sister.

All these night appart,

the number grew more and more.

Like my desire to evermore,

Se your smile and stop the frown.

Even though sometimes I feel like a clown.

Until I go to slumber,

Where I fulfil my desire.

Where I stopped feeling

The strange emotions that I can’t deceiver

Where I stopped hurting

By the reality that bring me to oblivion

Where I feel liberated

From the rotten world we created

When I wake up the numbness comes back.

Like a mountain on my back.

But don’t worry,

For I am inspired by your audacity.

Your strong head is something that I admire.

For I can’t start my fire.

My anxiety causes a war in me.

Where my army has be

And is no more.

For my demons heretofore,

We’re just pixie dust from tinker bell.

However now, they are an alarm bell.

Forgive me sister,

For I know I’m a bother

With my self destructive ways

And my long silences.

Dear sister you need to know

I’m just not myself.

But I don’t know who myself is anymore.

I’m nostalgic of a childhood I never had. Of a parent that was never mine. Of a comfort that was never there. Of a inner peace that I never had.

I’m not used to feel. So when I do, I feel things so deeply that I don’t know how to express it. It doesn’t matter if my feelings are “good or bad”, it’s so intense in my chest that I choke on it.

How do you expect me to build my future without the foundation of my past?

What have I done to have all this hurt inside me ?

Today is my birthday. I don’t particularly like my birthday. In fact, I hate it. I don’t like to be reminded that I’m alive and real. It forces me to acknowledge that time passes and im still broken inside. That I have not gotten any better. i dont feel older, in fact i still feel like a child hiding under my bed.