Existence - Tumblr Posts
How does one stay alive?
How do you stay alive? How can I say alive? I am tired. I no longer have that want to move forward, but still have that little hope of seeing my future. I want to stay alive, but it's getting a bit too hard. I can't depend on my parents anymore, well, at least in 2-3 years. It's scary. The support system that I've known my whole life might not be there for me in a few decades. I'm scared, of how uncertain my future is. How any second everything can change and leave someone happy or leave everyone crying. But humans keep on persevering. But I don't have that in me. I'm a coward. I'm scared of life. I'm scared of living life fully.
Accountability
Fuck you to death Mark Timmins You pleasureless bastard Go find a fucking king To die for Go find out What it means to truly love Stop hiding In the waiting The shadow That your well-crafted Cynicism casts Cannot shield your fragile heart From the burning bright light That pulsates From the unchallenged Pointlessness of existence Forever Get out there And fuck some shit up
Okay so existential dread is a significant element of my existence but every so often I experience a moment of existential joy.
You ever just look at your dog and go wow. That there is a dog. That dog is a living, breathing creature outside of me. He is a living creature and sometimes when we’re snuggled up I can feel his heartbeat and if I listen I can hear him breathing and he radiates warmth. And it just fills you with absolute joy like this thing has free will and is choosing to fall asleep laying on my back with his head on my butt and he only understands like ten of the thousands of words I say to him and it must feel so different to live in his hairy body with a better sense of smell than sense of sight and his nervous system has got to be wildly different but I’m pretty much certain he loves me and one of the truest things about me is that I love him. He is lying with his head on my butt because when he made it clear that this was how he was going to fall asleep I went of course this is what we’re doing now. Like this living thing that experiences the world in a way I could never understand communicated to me that he desired to lay his head upon my buttocks and I said yes. How many thousands of generations of members of our species had to work to adapt to each other in such a way that I can lay here in cozy comfort knowing that while my neck and shoulders are displeased with this arrangement my nervous system, my endocrine system, my cardiovascular system are benefiting from the strange bond our ancestors managed to build? How strange and beautiful that some ancient wolf going look they’ve got snacks and some prehistoric human going I dunno that forest creature sure has scary teeth but I think it looks like a potential pal lead to you and me sitting like this, my arm slowly falling asleep, you starting to snore because somewhere along the way in your genetic line we fucked up your breathing. My family brought you into this house for the sole purpose of having a creature for me to love and care for. Your job is to be loved. I don’t think I would have made it these past three years without you. Some dude was like yeah you can have some liver and all of a sudden your little head is on my butt and you’re a dog living, breathing, heart beating and we love each other. This is real. We’re alive together.
There is joy in this existence and how strange and beautiful is that?
flicker
So small am I in Time’s tight fist,
A singular match struck on stone.
The drag of friction calls me into being,
Only to flicker out as I am blown.
Yet in this split second I illuminate more
Than those who burn for centuries.
My mere seconds compare to their hours;
Time enough in my own eternity.
Fleeting meaning against immortal being.
Would you prefer to always be living?
Mortals in their inevitable extinguish
see what the gods are always unseeing.
Light the candle, slowly burning,
Light it at the cost of me;
How odd it is that I, so brief,
should teach the timeless how to be.
well apparently you can laugh in your sleep because it was said that I snorted during the night like a demon child laughing at its victim’s eternal demise. honestly I cannot believe that you could just walk into a room and suddenly hear some deranged laughter and think you’re about to die for the final time but oh wait it’s just that person you live with chuckling at your weakness in their sleep
so weird to think that there's all this stuff inside me. like? intestines?? stomach acid?? a shaky lil skeleton??? you're telling me that there's a bunch of rocks inside of me clickety clackin around all the time? no. i'm not buying that. i am simply a sentient rubber ducky that makes vaguely comprehensible noises every now and then.
life:
10 yrs old: wow its so weird that my age is double digits
13 yrs old: wow its so weird im a teenager
18 yrs old: wow its so weird im an adult
20 yrs old: wow its so weird im 20
30 yrs old: wow its so weird im 30
40: wow its so weird im 40
50: wow its so weird im 50
60: wow its so weird im 60
70: wow its so weird im 70
80: wow its so weird im dead
afterlife: wow its so weird I've ascended to the highest plane and traversed the realm of demons on the intense mission to destroy satan and take my place as the rightful ruler of hell and all that is evil already like whaaat
I wanna be that grown-up that calls everyone "babes." like. friend? babes. niece? babes. little boy at her niece's preschool? babes. her client on trial for murder? babes. heck she'll call the devil babes when she dies and become his secretary or smn.
GUYS
I JUST WAVED AT MY DAD (as you do) AND ANOTHER GUY THOUGHT I WAS WAVING AT HIM
I WAS ON THE OTHER END OF THE SCENARIO
I NOW KNOW TRUE POWER
going back to school after waking up at 10am for the past 3 months
the difference between apple and android
apples are edible, silly! androids are humanoid robots, not actual people. hopefully. haha i don’t know why everyone asks me this question?? you silly geese! :D
opening tumblr now like:
me: so how many bots have unfollowed me today
bro do you ever think about that feeling you get when you’re in school and excused in the middle of class and so you walk around and watch as a handful of bored students in their classrooms, too hot or too cold, notice you outside their windows and stare at you, envying your brief moment of freedom, and so you hold your head high and walk through the empty halls, nodding in solidarity at the few students who pass, and you just breathe in the sounds; the muffled voices of teachers presenting and students laughing and especially the way your shoes break the quiet with every step, tap tap tap, until you return to your classroom, the ribbon of serenity that once wrapped around your neck yanked off the second you dive back into the loudness of the space, whether it is a buzzing chatter or a resounding silence, the feeling shattered completely the second you lower yourself into your uncomfortable plastic seat? yeah no me neither bro
convinced that tumblr is an endless river of “why didn’t I think of that” juice