Trying My Best - Tumblr Posts
How to better remember plans
1: stop what you're doing 2: Replay what was said (overlaps with step one if possible) 3: If anything seems missing (even just a feeling) ask for a full repeat, just to be sure) 4: Concentrate on the plan and let mind browse all immediately relevant details to solidify it's place in my brain 5: Get phone, notepad, or calendar (whichever is closest) and make a clear note 6: Make more, clearer notes where preferable 8: Plan reminder FOR the reminder, so that I remember that I'm gonna be reminded soon 9: Panic because there was definitely a step you forgot, and if you could forget that then you totally forgot something else 11: Shock 10: Denial 21: Anger 1/2: depression -5: Acceptance 5(x + y^2): Not acceptance. Something is still wrong because you're still getting things out of order! ∞: Fetal position... Fetal position... Fetal position... Fetal position... 42: Nirvana And then repeat
i was making a royal vamp family, and the game decided to delete the king in cas 😔
it feels like a personal attack against black vamps 😤
does anyone know how to make multiple kingdoms with the royalty mod ?
23.03.2020
Quarantine challenge!
Week 1, Day 1
Have you made a study schedule to help you study at home?
I'm trying so hard to do this! But I haven't got the whole plan of online classes yet, so everyday is different. Last week I did only one powerpoint presentation.. and played video games, played guitar and read books. I feel that probably I wasted a week. But maybe I needed a break and some relaxation..
I want to have this schedule at least this Saturday. Also I start my schedule sheet with the template from @anoukostudies. It's great for planning when every week looks different.
See you tomorrow!
Moss pictures
Please do not steal or use without credit.
Gold that Bleeds Thorns
Synopsis: You never wanted to use your blood at all on anything or anyone but you had to this time.
Notes: This became somewhat lengthy but I hope you enjoy it! There might be missed typos so sorry for that but I do hope whoever reads this you like it! Hopefully the more I write down these ideas the more I get better at it. Thank you and have a good day or night!
Warnings under the cut!
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Warnings: Hostage situation, cult au, blood, sagau, depictions of bodily fluids and gore/flesh, curse words, suggestive creepy behavior.
Gender-neutral reader for this one
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The room was silent except for quiet breathes and the ever so slightly movements from your acolytes. The tension in the room was so thick you could feel it weighing you down, could even drown in it. All of your followers eyes were solely on your hunched form.
In the dead center of your throne room stood a couple of male figures, eyes filled with bloodlust, looking down at you. Your most loyal subjects wanted to strike down the ones who stood before you, wanted to punish them for even breathing the same air as you but they resisted the urge because you told them to not interfere.
Your hands and feet were bound by cold metal shackles that echoed in the silent room whenever you would shift your body around. Fear was painted on your face, so much so, that your apprehenders could see it with one glace.
Even though you looked afraid on the outside, you were calm on the inside. Being in this position you begun to think to yourself how could these brutes threaten you and your people!? That they could best you? You wanted to laugh at the thought but you kept it in, didn't want to break your facade now would you? Honestly though what gave them the idea that they could go up against their own creator?
While you were pondering this the leader of this small group finally spoke up to break the silence. This tall muscular built of a man was the one who chained you, their leader of the group. His messy dark brown hair swayed ever so gently as his green eyes looked down at you. He kneeled to close the distance between the two of you.
He pulled your chin up to face him, digging his nails into your cheek, making you whince a bit from the sudden pain but it soon went away. He laughed at your form, saying that he couldn't believe such a meekly being could be the "Oh so PoWeRfUl creator." He spat at your face before throwing you back down, the sound of your hitched breath mixed with the metallic ringing filled the room once more. He turned and walked away putting back some distance between the two of you as he faced your followers with a smirk.
"So, which one of you fuckers gonna save their beloved creator hmm?"
His voice commanded the audience's attention, yearned for it even. He loved that he was in control, in the spotlight and that he had the upperhand. He walked to where your most trusted acolytes were while pointing at you.
"The dogs aren't gonna save their master? Y'all really just a bunch of bitches who could care less about them." The leader continued his so called speech in a condescending tone to the reluctant audience. He became feverish with his words that a crazed look took over his features while drool hanged from the corners of his lips as he spat his words to the crowd. It was really undignified look to be honest, you couldn't help but cringe a bit on the inside.
You knew this couldn't go on for much longer, considering how you could feel certain onlookers desperately clinging onto their weapons readily. So you decided you would poke the bear just enough to where you could potentially get hurt.
Now only your most trusted acolytes knew what you could do with your blood but never witnessed it in person. So it was safe to say that they were ready to see firsthand if you chose to use it.
You scoffed at him, shifting your body upright to face him while puffing some hair away from your face.
"You're the leader right?"
That grabs his attention so he turns to you, eagerness in his eyes, to see what you'll do in your pathetic bound state. Seeing that you have his attention now solely on you, you continue with a monotoned voice.
"You have me chained up, hands and feet, unable to run away...yet you still haven't done anything."
"For you to call me weak is honestly laughable. You should really look in a mirror sometime soon".
A smirk tugs at the corners of your mouth, your eyes make direct eye contact with his. Just one more push you told yourself and he will surely lunge at you.
"So....you thought that if you were to threaten the people I love that I would do whatever you say? Bend to your will? Hmm? You really thought I would just let you shackle me? Did you honestly think you had me? Or are you just that stu-"
He didn't let you finish your sentence, before you knew it he came lunging at you.
Grabbing a fistful of your hair which made you yelp in response. You tried your best despite being bound to push this brute's hand off of your tender scalp to no avail. In one quick motion you could feel cold steel against your throat. This exchange made the room feel even more tense, it was suffocating. Looking at the man's eyes you could see a darkness in them waiting to tear you apart.
Your followers were itching for just one word, one faint syllable that would fall from your delicate lips. Just one word is all you have to say for your followers to strike, to be in their arms safe again. However despite everything your word was absolute. Going against it is unfathomable, equal to death, so they watched and waited even if it meant watching you suffer in silence.
The brute started to eye you up and down staring to long on certain parts of your body while licking his lips. He started to yell at you, saliva hitting your face everytime he spat an obscene word at you.
"Fucking whore, want me to mess you up? I'm sure you've already slept with everyone in this room"
He presses the knife a bit more to your throat, it was uncomfortable, you could feel the knife's blade on your vocal cords. The cold steel moving slightly everytime you had to swallow. You turned your gaze to your followers who looked at you in anticipation.
You managed to move your head slightly to your subjects never changing your gaze at them as a smile forms on your face before opening your mouth to say
"When the rose blooms you may strike".
That was it!
That was all they needed to hear from you. Finally there was a change in the air, a readiness, a willingness for bloodshed, to see the brutes eyes become lifeless. Only your most trusted acolytes knew this code, everyone else was confused but intrigued as to what you meant by that, so they kept quiet with berated breath.
However this made the brute more angry and confused as to what you just said. That's when you took his confusion as an opening. With all of your might you kneed him in his crotch which made him immediately hunch down taking the knife with him.
Adrenaline was coursing through you that you didn't notice a small cut formed on your throat until you were surround by your followers. In a flash you were in the arms of Thoma holding you up, checking your wound and undoing the shackles. While the rest guarded you from the 4 men.
Thoma helped you get up onto your throne with his arms softly supporting you. His warmth from his hands on your back lingered long after his hand left. He soft green eyes looked at you with a mix of worry and anger. He softly spoke to you with a calm demeanor
"Your Grace, hows your cut? Please allow me to clean it once you're done."
You smiled at him with a nod making him gleam back at you with softness emanating from him however it was short lived as he went back to anger as he turned to face the 4 men.
Once you were comfortable your eyes trailed downward to the black marbled flooring. Against the dark color was a small pool of golden blood. The small cut on your throat bled a bit which made a slight trail to where you sat. With your hands placed gently on top of each other, nestled in your lap, you drew a circle with your index finger into your other hand. This was a command to yourself, which made that bit of blood follow suit.
The brute looked at you about to lunge back at you with his 3 men follwing behind him but they soon realized it was futile.
The leader looks down at his hands then at his legs, the anger he had before slowly became fear. His hands were in front of him tied to his neck, almost like in a praying position while his legs were folded to make him kneel. He tried to break free from this strange beautiful rope that coiled tightly around him however it wouldn't budge no matter how much he struggled. This gold like rope was tough but looked like liquid at the same time so what could it be he thought to himself.
The beautiful gold like string that glistened under the light that lumanaited from your chandelier above was your gold blood to be exact.
Even though you got a tiny cut, that was enough blood to coil around each of the 4 men tightly. All 4 were now kneeling in a prayer position with panic setting in. The leader started to desperately shout at you in his panicked state.
"So this is the true nature of the creator, a-always knew you were pretending to be kind, what are you gonna do? Make your followers do the dirty work?" His eyes take a quick glance to the ones surrounding you on each side like a shield. It's almost as if he's trying to convince himself it will be ok. You rest your head upon your hand as you lazily look towards him.
Your kind eyes scan him up and down with a gentle smile caressing your lips as you hum a soft yet audible enough for only them to hear "~no".
You point to the gold string that shined beautifully against their skin. Your eyes shifted to around the room to see everyone's expressions then back to the leader. Still with the smile on your face you said just one simple word.
"Watch"
Even though you sounded sweet in your tone, everyone could sense the vemon in the word. Even in your eyes there was a glint of something ugly. That single word is what made the 4 men start trembling, pleading for your mercy. Honestly it was a bit amusing you couldn't help but chuckle a bit which made the men shake even more.
You announced to everyone in the room to leave if you brought your kin or can't handle torture. There was hesitation and hushed whispers from your people.
Torture?
How could such a divine creature utter such a word. However even though some wanted to stay to see what would happen they followed your command. The room only held a few of your followers alongside your trusted ones. You returned your gaze back to the group in front of you still pleading, snot dripping from their noses.
"Enough" your voice commanded, ushering the men to look up at you once more.
With that dark glint still in your eyes you looked up to your beautiful chandelier made of small like star crystals that glistened with a soft light.
"Even though I'm your creator I gave you free will. I've could've been a tyrant and controlled you from the very beginning yet I didn't." You slowly moved your gaze back at them.
"I chose to give you free will because I wanted my creations to live their life as they choose. However I'm starting to learn that some creations don't deserve my mercy at all" You're words were elegant, melodic yet hurt like venom seeping through their veins.
The men cried out in pitiful sobs, 2 of them pressing their faces on your marble floor snot mixed with drool pooled around their faces as they plead for your mercy.
One was still curious as to what you said, he looked younger then the rest, he hesitantly met your eyes before he asked you
"Your Grace...what did you mean by watch? By torture?"
His azure watery eyes were somewhat visible by his blonde locks as he looked at you. You just smiled at that silly question of his as you said "you'll see"
With a snap of your fingers the room became deathly quiet. The 4 men waited for anything; a sting, a cut, your men in waiting to lunge at them in a blink of an eye heck even for the ceiling to come down on them but nothing happened.
At first they thought you were showing them mercy, that you pityed them, they were about to say thank you until one of them broke into a frenzy. It was the young blonde who was the last one to question you.
He started to writhe in pain while his blood currled screams echoed off the walls. The other 3 watched in horror as anxiety wracked their bodies waiting for whatever he was experiencing to take them as well. It wasnt long until the whole room filled with their screams. It was a grotesque way of dying to be frank. You didnt want to watch but you had to see it through. All of the men squirmed on the floor, drool mixed with blood hanging from their mouths almost to a foam, hot tears streaming down their cheeks as their skin bubbled from the inside out. Eventually these bubbles boiling began to burst. It was like watching a pot of hot water boiling. Screams turned into muffled cries which then finally came to a halt. To them it probably felt like an eternity but it was only a good 2 mins until they were nothing more then a pile of fleshy mush.
The room was quiet once more except for the slight sizzling of the 4 men's flesh. The smell was pungent to say the least which didnt help the pit in your stomach from forming. The rest of your followers didn't know what to say or do, heck some didn't even realize they were holding their breath.
You brought yourself to look away and towards the small crowd who looked at you with mixed reactions.
You were at your limit, you couldnt keep this up any longer. The way everything made you sick from the smell, the way they died, the way their faces twisted and contorted made you want to puke.
You had to get the rest of your followers out, so with the little strength you had left, you turned to them once more with a pitiful smile no less. You waved your hand to dismiss everyone except your most loyal subjects. Even though they must've had questions for you they followed suit one by one out of the room. You were afraid though of what they were thinking. You thought to yourself of all the possible things they could be thinking, you were lost in your own thoughts.
(Do they hate me now? Did everyone who left find me disgusting or are terrified of me?)
It was the loud thud from the door closing that made you get out of your head however that just made you realize how exhausted you were.
You finally crumbled into yourself feeling that pit in your stomach now wanting to be released. You could feel the hot bile rising in the back of your throat, the taste slowly creeping towards the fron of your mouth. Covering your mouth as your breathing became short and heavy in response to the sick feeling.
You never wanted to use your blood like this but you knew you had to set an example especially after hearing rumors of some followers wanting to hurt you.
The ones left beside you tried their best to comfort you. Now all that echoed in the room was your muffled cries as you covered your face.This facade you had on the whole time crumbled and you only allowed your trusted acolytes to see you like this.
They knew you were kind, pure and gentle with everything you touched not some fearsome being who brought suffering to others. Even though their comfort was welcomed and appreciated, you still feared that they wouldn't see you the same way anymore after today.
born to talk with animals, forced to live with humans and suffer (੭꒦ິ ^꒦ິ)੭
moodboard: yo-han as the judgement of solomon and ga-on as icarus
the devil judge, 2021 | nicolas poussin, le jugement de salomon | the judgement of solomon | merriam-webster, fiat justitia ruat caelum | justinian, institutes | e. o. wilson, consilience | herbert james draper, the lament for icarus
I'm just trying my fucking best for this man.. why is this so hard to do?! Fuck me Man..
Happy Birthday to Me 💔
Happy Birthday to Me 💔
the secret to fanfic is that it's an inherently silly hobby and we should all just relax and have fun about it
So now that I have calmed down from my minor mental breakdown I can be articulate.
One...issue I've encountered in my quest to make friends is the disconnect between my connection to other people and my perceived their connection to me.
From my perspective these people mean a lot. I don't really have any super close friends, so anyone I connect with is super significant I'm my life. But other people have those close people, so my meaning in their life is much different. It also feels very uncomfortable as I feel more connected to these new people than to people I've hung around with for years. And because I don't have anyone who I feel super close to, I can't talk to anyone about these things and they just keep building and building.
It's also just been sad. I'm having all these new experiences and I can't share them because there's no one to share it with.
https://archiveofourown.org/series/2563174
HEY! THIS IS A SERIES I'VE BEEN WORKING ON OF ONE SHOTS/STORIES FOR THE SHIP GABRIEL/BEELZEBUB!
Please send me requests! I need them to live ;)
Love you all
Please check out my story!
original post by @paladinjay
basically if you are lonely rn even if you are so lonely you think you could just die because you will never stop being lonely you have to keep going regardless because things will not always be that way and wonderful people will enter your life when you least expect it. this sounds totally hollow i’m sure because these kinds of reassurances sounded hollow to me when i was so lonely i thought i could just die but i am okay now and i love people who love me too and you will also be okay and you will also love people who love you too.
send this to the 12 nicest people you know or who seem to have a good heart and if you get 5 back you must be pretty awesome 💜💜💜💜
I didn’t even realize this was in my inbox and I am so sorry!! You are very awesome and I love you!
God only knows when this was actually sent to me