Bucky: I Think My Computer Has A Virus

Bucky: I think my computer has a virus

Tony: is the software malfunctioning?

Bucky: no. Scott coughed on it

Tony:

Bucky: he has the flu.

Tony:

Tony's Nicknames

Ironman 1

~ Calls Rhodey as honey bear, platypuss & sourpatch

~ Calls Stan Lee as Larry king

Ironman 2

~ Calls Avengers a Super Secret Boy Band

~ Calls Black Widow a Triple Impostor

Avengers

~ Calls Loki as Reindeer games, rock of ages, full tilt diva

~ Calls Captain america as Capsicle, older fellow, old man

~ Calls Thor as Shakespeare in the park, point break

~ Calls Sceptor a glow stick of destiny

~ Calls Hawkeye as Legolas

Ironman 3

~ Calls Happy hogan as Forehead of security

~ Calls Mandarin / Trevor as Sir Laurence Obliviate, Meryl Streep & Ringo

~ Calls a bad guy as Pony Tail express

Avengers Age of Ultron

~ Calls Ultron as Junior

~ Calls Scarlett witch a little witch

~ Calls Bruce banner as puny banner

~ Calls Hawkeye’s wife a little minx

Captain America Civil War

~ Calls Peter Parker as Spider-ling, Crime fighting spider, Spider boy & Underoos

~ Calls Bucky as Manchurian candidate

Avengers Infinity War

~ Calls Ebony Maw as Squidward

~ Calls Dr Strange as The Wizards

~ Calls the space ship as a flying donut

~ Calls Drax Mr Clean

~ Calls Star Lord as Mr. Lord, Flash Gordon

Avengers End Game

~ Calls Nebula as the Blue Meanie

~ Calls Rocket as Build-a-bear, Ratchet

~ Calls Dr Strange as Bleecker Street Magician

~ Calls Thor as Lebowski

~ Calls Hulk as Jolly Green

~ Calls Antman as Thumbelina, Stuart Little & Piss-ant

~ Calls himself as Howard Potts

Iconic "Tony Stank"

Stephen: Right now, I'm not sure if I want to kick you or push you off a bridge

Tony: Can I pick?

Trick or Treating adventures

Tony and Steve take little Peter our for Halloween

Words: 1.7k

A petite Peter awoke from his slumber. His mission: annoy his father.

The small bean wandered around the tower, searching for Tony. He passed by Natasha, Wanda, and Bruce on his way over.

" Hey мой маленький паук, where 'you going?" Peter looked up towards his aunt and his eyes instantly widened. " Uncle Clint?!" Natasha laughed at the small boy's confusion. " No Глупый паук, it's still me, Aunt Tasha." He gave her another confused look. " I'm dressed up as uncle Clint! It's Halloween, Детеныш паука!" Peter made an 'O' face as he looked towards the others.

" Brother Vision and uncle Thor," he stated, pointing at Wanda then Bruce. Wanda lifted the small child and set him on her lap. " We're dressed up as our boyfriends," Peter perked up and many ideas ran through his head of who he wants to be. " I wanna be Daddy!" He jumped up and down in Wanda's lap.

" I wanna surprise Daddy and be Iron Man!" Bruce chuckled at how happy Peter was. " Why don't we see if Pepper and Happy could design you an Iron man costume?" Peter nodded his head enthusiastically before his smile faltered. " Uncle Bruce, where's your hammer?" The scientist laughed yet again then sighed. "I can't lift that hammer, only Thor can." 

~~~

Peter ran to his room in excitement. 

"Miss Friday, may you call Ned, please? I gotta tell him about my Halloween costume!" The bean jumped up on his bed and lifted the pillows in search of something. "Hey, Pete! What'cha looking for?" Ned's face came up on the hologram, really, really close up. "I'm looking for my Iron man gloves, the ones Pepper made me!" Ned backed away from the camera and watched Peter flip over yet another Black widow plush. "Why would you look under your stuffies?" 

Peter huffed in defeat, spreading his body out in a T-pose across the bed. "I keep them there at night for when I watch Daddy's fights," he mumbled a little something about pretending to be him but no one caught on. "Oooohhh…" there was a small silence before Peter took a deep breath, letting it out in a loud scream like groan before his voice cracked. He soon sat up and looked at Ned through the hologram. "I'm all good now." He gave a smile. "What are you going as?" 

Ned quickly ran out of the frame view and came back two seconds later holding a brown furry costume. "I'm going as chewy! I already got the impression spot on,"

~~~

"Little Peter, Pepper would like you to meet her in the living room." Peter looked up from his colouring book. "Loki Doki, thank you Miss Friday!" He abandoned his pregnancy test blue Crayola crayon.

He skipped his way through the halls and soon made his way to the living room. "Hiya, Miss Pepper!" He ran up to her and gave her a tiny leg hug of excitement. "Hiya, bean!" She crouched down to his height, "I finished that Iron man costume for tonight," Pep smirked as she felt Peter's arms wrap around her once more. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" The small boy jumped up and down in her grasp. 

Pepper pulled out a little Iron man mask to fit the tiny boy's head, along with an Iron man onesie. Peter quickly snatched the costume out of her hand and put it on, with Pep's help of course. After she helped Peter with the suit, he tugged the mask on his face and looked up smiling, even if no one could see. Pepper laughed at his antics. "Someone's excited, you ready for tonight?" Peter took his mask off, leaving his curls ungroomed and nodded his head over and over. 

“What’s daddy going as?” Pepper sighed, “Your dad doesn’t like to dress up for Halloween,” Peter frowned. “But everyone else dressed up!” Pepper remembered seeing Thor dressed up as Bruce trying to convince Loki to dress up as something. “Oh yeah, and what did they dress up as?” She stood up and went to sit on the couch. “They went as their boyfriends. Auntie Nat was dressed as uncle Clint, sister Wanda was dressed as brother Vision and uncle Bruce was dressed as uncle Thor!” He exclaimed, trying to get up to Pepper’s lap. Pepper hummed and helped the boy sit in her lap. 

“What if daddy went as his husband, papa?” 

~

“Hey, Tony, would you be so kind as to take the younger boys out trick or treating?” Steve walked into his husband’s lab, mingling around a bit. “Sure thing,” He sighed, “I can’t believe that Harley doesn’t want to go with us this year…” Steve put a hand on the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist’s back. “Hey, he’s getting older, he just wants to go to a Halloween party with his friends,” Tony looked up. “I didn’t even know he had friends!” There was an awkward silence.

“What are you wearing?” 

Steve looked at his outfit. A black tank top with a blue circle in the middle, resembling the Arc reactor in Tony's chest. A pair of red sunglasses resting on his forehead, a fake beard and some light blue jeans. 

“I’m you!” Tony sighed again. “You could’ve just asked for the suit, that would’ve been easier,” Tony gave his husband an unimpressed look. “But then I would be Iron man,” He whined. “ don’t get me wrong, I love Iron man. I would just much rather be my Tony Stark!” Tony rolled his eyes,” Why did you dress up as me anyway?” As if his excitement could get worse. “Everyone else is dressed up as their significant other, I wanted to join!” By now it was clear Tony was extremely annoyed at Steve’s antics. “Whatever,”

~

Peter waddled into his father’s lab, one question mingling in his mind: who are you going as? 

“Daddy, daddy!” He cheered in his little Iron Man costume. Tony turned around to face his son. “Oh. My. God! You’re dressed as a little me!” He squealed at his son’s adorableness. The question that was on Pete’s mind was soon forgotten because of his father’s excitement. 

“Yeah!” He mimicked the hand reupholsters while making sound effects with his mouth, even if he didn’t have the gloves.

“Bud, where’d the Iron Man mittens Pepper gave you go?” Peter flushed in embarrassment, he was hoping Tony wouldn’t find out they were missing. “I might have lost them…” 

Tony sighed. “Aw man, guess we’ll have to get you new ones then,  huh?” The frown on the spider's face turned upwards into a giddy smile again. 

“I had something to ask you…”

“Oh yeah? And what was that?”

“I forgot…” He pondered for a moment. “Oh! I remember, who are you going as?”

Tony chuckled. “Daddy doesn’t dress up for Halloween, sorry Pal,” He picked up the once again frowning Peter and propped him on his shoulders. “But I’ll be taking you and your friend Ted Trick or Treating tonight!” He tried to hype up the little tike again.

“His name is Ned, daddy!” Peter hugged his father’s head. “Is it? Darn, I could’ve sworn it was Ted,” Peter laughed at what he thought was one of his dad’s jokes, when in reality it wasn’t. 

“Common please, daddy… you gotta dress up its Halloween!”

“I betcha no one else in the tower is wearing something, other than your Papa,” Tony tried to spar himself from the embarrassment of dressing up.

“Nope! Auntie Tasha was dressed up as Uncle Clint!” Peter leaned forward so he was blocking Tony’s view with his hair. “Everyone’s dressing up as their Boyfriends.” He said Matter-Of-Factly.

Tony sighed, knowing there was no way he’d get out from dressing up as his boyfriend… Captain America. Not to mention he always thought Cap had the cringiest suit. Ever. Like, why little wings on his helmet? With the giant ‘A’ on the top too? And don’t even get him started on the bright stripes.

“You want me to dress as Papa, don’t you?”

“YEAH!”

~

So here the three were, Son, Papa and Dad. Peter and Steve dressed as Tony and Tony dressed as the one and only first avenger: Captain America. In the old fashion suit.

“This is stupid, lets just get Ted-”

“Ned.”

“Ned and go.”

Steve chuckled. “Common, babe, can’t be that bad…” Tony turned to his loving husband. “Your suit looks like a three-year-olds Treehouse Superhero special.” 

“Alright, someones not in the mood for Trick or Treating,” Steve picked up his son, him and Peter both blowing Tony a little raspberry before buckling the smaller Tony in his car seat.

~

Once they got Ned, the four were going door to door. Tony stealing some of Peter’s candy while he wasn’t looking.

It wasn’t till later, when they got to the Thomson’s house, that Tony was visibly tired.

Peter rang the doorbell, Star Wars theme pillowcase in hand. A man in a fancy suit opened the door, a little boy in an Iron Man costume like Peter behind him.

“We don’t give out candy.” The man in the suit said with a cold expression. Steve’s happy-go-lucky stare turned into a glare within seconds, this dude didn’t have to be so disrespectful about it. Peter’s still a child for crying out loud.

Before either of the super parents got to say anything, the other little boy dressed as Iron Man spoke up. “Hey! Puny Parker, is that you?” The boy, now Peter knew named Flash, teased. 

This time the Peters parents didn’t even speak, they were just in shock at how ignorant this child was.

“That’s a stupid costume. You don't look anything like Iron Man nor have the gloves to go with it,” 

That was where Tony lost it.

“EXCUSE ME? I HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY SON IS THE FUTURE IRON MAN AND HIS COSTUME IS TEN TIMES BETTER THAN YOUR POOR COSPLAY! DON’T EVEN LOOK AT MY SON EVER AGAIN-”

Tony was getting pulled back by his husband as Peter and Ned watched in awe. Meanwhile, Flash ran back into his house.

~

“Tony, you don’t threaten little children.” Steve took off his fake glasses, scolding the billionaire. “He made fun of our kid, our kid, Steve. Weren’t you upset?” Steve sighed.

“Of course I am, child’s a brat. But that doesn’t mean you can almost kill him,”

“Whatever, we don’t need to go Trick or Treating next year. I’ll just buy Pete candy.”

Pepper: It looks like it's gonna be a white Christmas this year!

Tony: It's supposed to rain on the 24th

Pepper, covering Morgan, Peter, Harley and Nebula's ears:

A defensive Vision covering Wanda's ears:

Natasha covering Clint's ears:

Bucky and Steve struggling to cover each other's ears:

Stephen: STOP.

Wish You Well

Inspired by Song of the day

Pairing: Natasha x Fem!Reader

Words: 252

Warnings: Endgame spoilers!!

~

You reminisced about her eyelashes, so luscious and long. They would stand up just right, the bold black they presented made them even more impressive. You remembered the first time the both of you met, you asked where she got her lashes done then stood in shock when she claimed they were her own. 

What a great first impression.

You felt her ghosted lips on yours, craving the feeling again. You’d imagined them meeting yours for so long. But you couldn’t help it, her lips were just the right shade of pink. Not to mention, they were so full and tasted like candy. 

Now, every time you ate cotton candy, you thought of her. Her, and her outstanding eyes, the same green optics that reminded you of a cat. Then, you thought of her cat-like reflexes. How fast and sneaky she was. And how amazing she looked in that tight, midnight black super suit of hers. 

She had these fantastic red bunches of hair that would frame her face oh so perfectly. 

Gosh, how you wondered what she could be up to at that moment. Her perfect face surrounded by her ideal hair. Because the last time you saw her eyes, they were glossy. Her eyelashes had been coated with her tears. Her lips had peanut butter sandwich crumbs.

You queried how long this minute would be. Because you couldn’t stand waiting another second of hoping. Hoping that she was alright where she was…

Wishing she was well up in the clouds.