Me, In November: What Do You Want For Xmas This Year?

Me, in November: What do you want for xmas this year?

Him: You don't make enough money to get me anything I'd want this year. Don't get me anything, seriously. Just do me a favour and save money.

Him, on December 24th: ... I don't see any presents with my name on them... Typical.

Me: ... But you said...

Him: You're so selfish. I really can't believe you. You don't deserve any of the things I got you. You're literally the worst.

Tossed out a group invite, included the woman I'm into right now. It's been 6 minutes and no one's responded ( or read the message).

My brain is telling me it's because they hate me and are rolling their eyes at the message preview.

Humiliation in parts - Part Three

TW - named body parts, reference to sexual act.  Too much personal information.  Not enough tagging.  Or something.

On top of my smell, he got on my case about how hairless my vulva was.  If he noticed there was a hair left he would draw attention to it and try to imply that I did not know what I was doing.  

He hated razor bumps or ingrown hairs.  He’d point them out.  He would be grossed out.   He would be turned off. He would stop whatever it was that we were doing so I could “go fix it.”  

He’d regularly ‘inspect’ me before he would proceed with any sort of sex act .  I don’t mean looking at me hungrily, lovingly or longingly,  I mean basically giving me a pelvic exam.  Sometimes I couldn’t even find whatever it was that he was complaining about; I think he was just trying to make me uncomfortable.

If there was any grooming out of place I’d never hear the end of it.

Dirt.

There are still secrets of his I keep under lock and key.  Not abuse stuff.  Health things.  Quirk things.  Embarrassing things.  The type of stuff you only discover when you live with a person and you see them at their most vulnerable.

I’ll take these things to my grave because I respect that bond we had.  I am not sure he’s offering me the same courtesy.

Part of my healing has been coming to terms with that.

Most days.

Humiliation in parts - Part One

TW - reference to a sexual act under the cut.  Also, just... way too much information about me.  There is a lot of things I won’t be tagging here.

In the thirteen years he and I were together I think I can count on one hand, maybe two, the number of times he performed oral.  Yeah.  And when he did it wasn’t exactly ‘enthusiastic.’  He tinkered just enough to make us both uncomfortable, and give him the gall to say say “but what about that Tuesday last month?” when he was making some unrealistic demand.

I never pressured him to do it, hell, I didn’t even ask for it. I wouldn’t want him to do something he had an aversion to (though I’m sure we could speculate why he didn’t want to do it).  However he ensured that it was never something I actually wanted or asked for.