Me, In November: What Do You Want For Xmas This Year?

Me, in November: What do you want for xmas this year?

Him: You don't make enough money to get me anything I'd want this year. Don't get me anything, seriously. Just do me a favour and save money.

Him, on December 24th: ... I don't see any presents with my name on them... Typical.

Me: ... But you said...

Him: You're so selfish. I really can't believe you. You don't deserve any of the things I got you. You're literally the worst.

Humiliation in parts - Part Three

TW - named body parts, reference to sexual act.  Too much personal information.  Not enough tagging.  Or something.

On top of my smell, he got on my case about how hairless my vulva was.  If he noticed there was a hair left he would draw attention to it and try to imply that I did not know what I was doing.  

He hated razor bumps or ingrown hairs.  He’d point them out.  He would be grossed out.   He would be turned off. He would stop whatever it was that we were doing so I could “go fix it.”  

He’d regularly ‘inspect’ me before he would proceed with any sort of sex act .  I don’t mean looking at me hungrily, lovingly or longingly,  I mean basically giving me a pelvic exam.  Sometimes I couldn’t even find whatever it was that he was complaining about; I think he was just trying to make me uncomfortable.

If there was any grooming out of place I’d never hear the end of it.

This is a boring post. You've been warned.

I think I've decided not to pursue a romantic relationship with the girl I was considering recently.

I like her as a person and i would (genuinely) like to be her friend. I am having dinner with her and two mutual friends this week, and I'm looking forward to it .

I just.... Really need a more confident partner. Someone more sure of themselves. Someone who can give me assurance and encouragement when I'm trying to be brave. I feel like between the two of us, I am the bolder one, and that does not give me confidence is a good 'us.'

Let's be honest, I can fake it pretty decent, and the genuine stuff does come sporadically, but I can't maintain confidence sufficiently for myself let alone for two of us.

We didn't even get far enough for us to have to have conversation about 'not pursuing'. We were leagues away from that. I don't know how that could possibly feel more awkward than if we were both more invested. But I'm feeling weird about it.

Anyways - being choosy about my other half and identifying ' must have' qualities is progress enough for tonight.

I really miss sharing body heat.

I try to explain this to people. They say they understand, but they don't really get it.

Coming to this conclusion filled me with a bit of relief, but also immeasurable sadness.

I haven't felt this lonely in a while.

This is a boring post. You’ve been warned.

I think I’ve decided not to pursue a romantic relationship with the girl I was considering recently.

I like her as a person and i would (genuinely) like to be her friend. I am having dinner with her and two mutual friends this week, and I’m looking forward to it .

I just…. Really need a more confident partner. Someone more sure of themselves. Someone who can give me assurance and encouragement when I’m trying to be brave. I feel like between the two of us, I am the bolder one, and that does not give me confidence is a good ‘us.’

Let’s be honest, I can fake it pretty decent, and the genuine stuff does come sporadically, but I can’t maintain confidence sufficiently for myself let alone for two of us.

We didn’t even get far enough for us to have to have conversation about 'not pursuing’. We were leagues away from that. I don’t know how that could possibly feel more awkward than if we were both more invested. But I’m feeling weird about it.

Anyways - being choosy about my other half and identifying ’ must have’ qualities is progress enough for tonight.